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Disappointing relocation to Tulsa, Oklahoma, meeting people outside of work, social circles at work, social activities, office politics, bible thumpers, small town mentality
Where do you live in Tulsa? I have found that "generally speaking" people living in more suburban neighborhoods can be a little more "socially limited". As in they tend to have a narrower social group. Versus the near downtown-midtown crowd can be a little more open and inclusive with the range of people they enjoy being around.
I also think that Tulsans in general arent as publicly social, we dont have the public squares, urban community spaces, neighborhood and community "mingling on a pedestrian friendly street" lifestyle and habits that other cities have. There is a little more of a "this group becomes my whole world" thing.
Course none of that is always true in every case, but its true enough to make a noticeable difference.
Kind of like people here tend to eat out more, dont walk/bike as much, tend to be more overweight than other cities.etc. etc. These are just a few of the visible, statistical things that show we really do tend to have different lifestyle choices, attitudes and habits.
And yes, I find your comment on the church experience very interesting as well. Its always seemed to me that there is something different about the way people tend to practice and think about religion here.
I know Tulsa and Oklahoma are more conservative, and I have often wondered how that affects our ideas and practices of community. Course hard core conservatives would point out that community is a liberal notion that has the word "commune" in it lol.
yes, i can relate to your comments.
oh and wow yes i have never seen so many fast food restaurants in my life! on the other hand i have to search for a coffee shop. quite the opposite of the west coast! and i'm struggling to live with a more indoor lifestyle. i miss being able to let the kids play outside every single day. i do live in the suburbs in forest ridge in BA.
in california i lived in almost an identical neighborhood (LOL) golf country club suburban neighborhood. the difference there was the neighbors hung out, the kids played in the street. every afternoon i would hang out in the cul de sac with my kids and chat with other moms. here, at least in our neighborhood, most, not all, are at organized activities (soccer, etc) or church or inside presumably watching tv or playing video games. i don't mean to be so negative. i actually have been able to make a few friends. i don't have zero. and my kids do have friends, i just have had to work harder to organize playdates. even with kids on the same street, doesn't just happen naturally, i have to call and make arrangements for kids to come over and vice versa. i'm sure that varies street by street, neighborhood by neighborhood, but it's been challenging for me. and every single one of my neighbors is nice however i don't feel i've gotten to know them as well as my neighbors back home in the same time period ( a couple years).
But then (old man talking now) we kids never had any problems making friends, etc in the olden days. And my parents were blessed with a very strong Ind'n community with sports, etc., and they always had a lot of lifelong friends.
I have found other state forums are saying the same thing, there is a lot of people nowadays having trouble connecting after they relocate. So I would not say your disappointment is in any way isolated to Tulsa or this state by any means.
I used to lurk the state threads here on CDF, just to see what they were talking about, and have heard basically the same issue come up time and again.
But then (old man talking now) we kids never had any problems making friends, etc in the olden days. And my parents were blessed with a very strong Ind'n community with sports, etc., and they always had a lot of lifelong friends.
I have found other state forums are saying the same thing, there is a lot of people nowadays having trouble connecting after they relocate. So I would not say your disappointment is in any way isolated to Tulsa or this state by any means.
I used to lurk the state threads here on CDF, just to see what they were talking about, and have heard basically the same issue come up time and again.
The world is a changing, I guess.
yes, i think you are right. it is so hard. believe me i would rather sit on the front porch and have coffee with another mom and let the kids run around the front yard then have to call see if their kids can come over and play and be told dance tonight, soccer tomorrow, how about next tuesday at 4. that sort of thing. meanwhile my daughter is saying mom i want to play with friends. she goes to school and plays with friends at school but is home at 3 and wants to play more and of course the weekends. we have tried simply playing out front and hoping others might come out and play and join us (which is what we did in our old neighborhood in california), no luck. so for now i call and make the arrangements so she can play with friends. there is one mom who has been easier to coordinate with and just yesterday she called and asked if my daughter could come over and play and i sent her right over! I've noticed it doesn't seem popular to just play out front. Either in the house or in the backyard. (safety and weather I imagine) So then of course that is more an imposition on the parent so it has to be approved and scheduled. ugh. what a world we live in!
Last edited by justducky; 03-01-2009 at 12:21 PM..
Are you still in Tulsa? If so, and still are feeling disenfranchised, you may want to look into the Tulsa Newcomers Club. It is an organization made up of people who have moved to Tulsa from somewhere else. While many of the activities take place during the day, there are some that are evening events to accommodate working women, and even a Ladies Evening Out and some singles events that you could check out. I moved here last year and have made many new friends through Newcomers. Just a thought. They have a website, so check it out if you haven't given up.
HI again- Just following up on my previous posts during the first year of my relocation to Tulsa- In a word, dissapointed. I know my previous posts sang the praises of the area and the people, and to some degree, I stand by those posts, but part of me know thinks it was either the novelty, or "wishful thinking "on my part, as I have become quite disenchanted here, and am considering returning home, a sit was made very clear to me over the last 2-3 months, that I don;t "belong" here, and am not welcome.
I stand by my earlier posts that I do feel there are alot of nice folks in Tulsa, and OK in general, but I'm also wondering what I'm doing wrong, or what's wrong with me?
During my time here, I've made it a point to get to know the area, the people, the activities, etc, I''ve been polite, cordial, pleasant, and have observed the Golden Rule, as well as got involved with various activities in Green Country, and seem to meet genuinely decent people MOST of the time, but still have 0 friends to show for it. I'm not sure what more aperson can do other than what I have already done, you know, gotten "out there", the Golden Rule etc, especially at work, where the situation has gotten to the point where I want to resign, but obviously, in these hard times, I won;t do that.
Every office , esp ones with 20+ people have their cliques, and whle I think it's not a good thing, and I avoid them, and try 100% to treat ALL my co-workers with no less than the same respect I would like, it's not been reciprocated. My managers have become very unprofessional, and overly critical, and basically if they don;t 100% agree with anything I've done, it's automatically wrong, I'm incompetent etc, where before, I was left alone to work in peace. Also a lot, but not all, my co-workers, have told me in essence, that they only pretended to be my friend at work
but in reality, don;t want anything to do with me,as I am not, one of them" What really hurts was last evening, the office "social committee" arranged for everyone EXCEPT me to go out after work to unwind a bit, and they tried to keep it a secret, but I would have had to have been deaf not to know. People whom I thought I had a good rapport with, stood there and lied about going home after work, when I KNEW they weren;t. Just the principle of it, I have NEVER done that to a co-worker, esp a newer person. I feel bad about all that, and wonder what I did wrong, I'm not perfect, but I KNOW I didn;t deserve that
I dont; know what's going on- I can;t be THAT bad that I can't make any friends, I've done all the supposedly correct things, and I'm certainly no worse than a lot of others I see out and about, but I'm always ending up by myself, and there's no good reason for it.
anyways, thanks for reading, and allowing me to vent. I'ver started plans to return home, or at least look for another job with a more positive environment. I still believe in OK and TUlsa, but i';m afraid it's not mutual
Sounds you need to change workplaces, not the city.
Workplaces are each their own unique social environment - and generally lean to the more negative feel than the more positive feeling, generally. Mostly because of office politics, personalities of people you have to deal with rather than want to deal with, etc.
Changing cities MIGHT put you in a better work environment, or might not. Generally they are more or less the same.
I think you are much better off changing workplaces than changing both a city and a workplace. That is, if you like Tulsa, etc.
Also, you need to find interests outside of work...that is where you meet your real friends. Things you like to do, and others like to do, whatever that might be.
HI again- Just following up on my previous posts during the first year of my relocation to Tulsa- In a word, dissapointed. I know my previous posts sang the praises of the area and the people, and to some degree, I stand by those posts, but part of me know thinks it was either the novelty, or "wishful thinking "on my part, as I have become quite disenchanted here, and am considering returning home, a sit was made very clear to me over the last 2-3 months, that I don;t "belong" here, and am not welcome.
I stand by my earlier posts that I do feel there are alot of nice folks in Tulsa, and OK in general, but I'm also wondering what I'm doing wrong, or what's wrong with me?
During my time here, I've made it a point to get to know the area, the people, the activities, etc, I''ve been polite, cordial, pleasant, and have observed the Golden Rule, as well as got involved with various activities in Green Country, and seem to meet genuinely decent people MOST of the time, but still have 0 friends to show for it. I'm not sure what more aperson can do other than what I have already done, you know, gotten "out there", the Golden Rule etc, especially at work, where the situation has gotten to the point where I want to resign, but obviously, in these hard times, I won;t do that.
Every office , esp ones with 20+ people have their cliques, and whle I think it's not a good thing, and I avoid them, and try 100% to treat ALL my co-workers with no less than the same respect I would like, it's not been reciprocated. My managers have become very unprofessional, and overly critical, and basically if they don;t 100% agree with anything I've done, it's automatically wrong, I'm incompetent etc, where before, I was left alone to work in peace. Also a lot, but not all, my co-workers, have told me in essence, that they only pretended to be my friend at work
but in reality, don;t want anything to do with me,as I am not, one of them" What really hurts was last evening, the office "social committee" arranged for everyone EXCEPT me to go out after work to unwind a bit, and they tried to keep it a secret, but I would have had to have been deaf not to know. People whom I thought I had a good rapport with, stood there and lied about going home after work, when I KNEW they weren;t. Just the principle of it, I have NEVER done that to a co-worker, esp a newer person. I feel bad about all that, and wonder what I did wrong, I'm not perfect, but I KNOW I didn;t deserve that
I dont; know what's going on- I can;t be THAT bad that I can't make any friends, I've done all the supposedly correct things, and I'm certainly no worse than a lot of others I see out and about, but I'm always ending up by myself, and there's no good reason for it.
anyways, thanks for reading, and allowing me to vent. I'ver started plans to return home, or at least look for another job with a more positive environment. I still believe in OK and TUlsa, but i';m afraid it's not mutual
Hello, I am so sorry that you are feeling this way but don't feel too bad because I am not happy here in Tulsa either. In fact I am quite depressed to say the least. Not to mention it is really cold right now and I am just freezing. Ugh!!. I guess I had higher expectations and I tried really hard to be positive but I just don't feel comfortable here and I don't feel welcome either.
I am a Christian as well and have visited several churches where nobody comes up and says hello to any of my family I have never had that happen before and I have lived in a lot of different places. I know it isn't just me cause my family feels this way as well.
I guess I was expecting more "Southern Hospitality" and maybe my expectations were just too high but honestly I miss Washington and I cannot go back unfortunately so I am stuck here to try and make the best out of it. Honestly, I began to wonder why so many people would ask me why I ever came to Tulsa from Washington. Now I know why.
Anyway, I am happy that at least you can go back to where ever you moved from. That is very good for you but I am sorry that you had to go through all of this. Keep your head up because I am sure we aren't the only ones that feel this way. God Bless you...
Raelyn, I don't mean to downplay your feelings, but you really didn't want to move to Tulsa to start with. You loved it in the PNW and you felt forced to move. Those aren't good conditions for moving anywhere and our minds play tricks on us. I honestly didn't think you would like it since you liked where you lived and Tulsa wasn't a place that you chose.
People are people no matter where you are. Some are friendly and some are rude no matter what area of the country you live in. Many of us are friendly and welcoming up here and some people are not that way. I'm sure it's the same way in Tulsa. I guess we were lucky because we bumped into the friendly, talkative, smiley people when we were there. OR maybe we just ignored and blew off the grouches so I don't really remember them.
I still encourage you to step up and introduce yourself to people. Make that first move. Do it with a smile and confidence and sometimes it may not turn out as well as you expect it to, and other times you may make a good friend out of your effort.
Raelyn, I don't mean to downplay your feelings, but you really didn't want to move to Tulsa to start with. You loved it in the PNW and you felt forced to move. Those aren't good conditions for moving anywhere and our minds play tricks on us. I honestly didn't think you would like it since you liked where you lived and Tulsa wasn't a place that you chose.
People are people no matter where you are. Some are friendly and some are rude no matter what area of the country you live in. Many of us are friendly and welcoming up here and some people are not that way. I'm sure it's the same way in Tulsa. I guess we were lucky because we bumped into the friendly, talkative, smiley people when we were there. OR maybe we just ignored and blew off the grouches so I don't really remember them.
I still encourage you to step up and introduce yourself to people. Make that first move. Do it with a smile and confidence and sometimes it may not turn out as well as you expect it to, and other times you may make a good friend out of your effort.
You are absolutely right Jammie..I didn't want to move and I came from a place where I became quite spoiled. Most people (even Tulsans who have been to the PNW) would say that the move would be hard for anyone.
I have honestly tried to be positive but it has been several months and we still do not have any friends here and we have not stayed home!! My boys who are very outgoing are having the same problems making friends so I know it isn't me.. In fact my youngest son complains that people at school are very mean to him...
Anyway, I don't want to go into "negative mode" here again and that is why I left the forum for awhile. I was just trying to reassure the OP that she/he was not alone and that others were struggling as well.
I intend on getting plugged in here and making the best out of this. I am certainly not the type that gives up easily.. Maybe with time things will change. I recently watched a movie that kind of reminded me of this situation.. It is called "New in town". It is about a girl from Florida that moves to Minnesota and has a hard time but eventually falls in love with the people.. I am praying that my story ends with a happy ending as the movie did, lol... I guess it did help that Harry Connick Jr. was her co-star and boyfriend in the movie.
Thanks for the encouragement Jammie, I always welcome you comments and suggestions...
Raelyn, I don't mean to downplay your feelings, but you really didn't want to move to Tulsa to start with. You loved it in the PNW and you felt forced to move. Those aren't good conditions for moving anywhere and our minds play tricks on us. I honestly didn't think you would like it since you liked where you lived and Tulsa wasn't a place that you chose.
People are people no matter where you are. Some are friendly and some are rude no matter what area of the country you live in. Many of us are friendly and welcoming up here and some people are not that way. I'm sure it's the same way in Tulsa. I guess we were lucky because we bumped into the friendly, talkative, smiley people when we were there. OR maybe we just ignored and blew off the grouches so I don't really remember them.
I still encourage you to step up and introduce yourself to people. Make that first move. Do it with a smile and confidence and sometimes it may not turn out as well as you expect it to, and other times you may make a good friend out of your effort.
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People are people no matter where you are. Some are friendly and some are rude no matter what area of the country you live in.
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Yes Ma'am. True words here.
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I have never had that happen before and I have lived in a lot of different places. I know it isn't just me cause my family feels this way as well. 
