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Hi. I'm new here. I'm not so good at explaining things as far as what I am going through now but I will try.
Since about the age of 8 I have had an overwhelming and crippling fear of death. My grandmother had just died of ovarian cancer and I asked my other grandmother where she went and what happens when someone dies. She said "nothing", and "nowhere". It has become damaging to me to the point where I need medication to function. This has gone on on and off throughout my life. Now it's to the point where I can not eat much, have had a poor sleep pattern, and do tireless research. Death is all I think of. I have appointments for some psychotherapy coming up. Sometimes I get so bad I think "If I am so fearful of death why don't I just try it?". But then I remember just how afraid I am and that stops me. It's a terrible way to feel. If you have not been in my shoes then please don't judge me. I think about the death of my family members and of my own non stop. It is the last thing I think of before falling asleep and the first I think of upon waking up. It's why I need therapy. Necrophobia is not easily fixed, but I will try.
My issue is that I have a very analytical personality and usually research anything until I find an answer.
Besides the death of my grandmother at the age of 8 I also had to deal with the death of my father at the age of 18, and the death of my mother in 2010 - the most painful for me as I was very close to my mother. In between all of that my uncle also passed away. All of the family that I have mentioned died of cancer.
I want NOTHING MORE than to believe that they are in a better place and that they are spirits who can hear me, see me. I want to believe in an afterlife so badly, but I live in the confines of a scientific brain. People usually either believe in afterlife or they don't and they are content in their beliefs. I, on the other hand, am very stuck.
I am also not in the greatest of health and have little to no healthcare. Because of my need for knowledge I am often misunderstood by doctors, nurses, and various others who do not truly understand me.
I have done much research on Near Death Experiences and I have seen all of what the skeptics say. Such as the oxygen loss and shutting down of the brain. Which I do agree that when the brain dies that certain effects do take place. Our bodies contain many chemicals. So that does make sense to me. But I feel that it doesn't end there and that there is possibly more to it. I have also read about the studies done that do mimic the most common parts of NDE such as tunnel vision and astral projection, etc.
I was most fascinated by the stories of the blind being able to see crisply. One woman was even able to tell her dr exactly what his tie looked like in great detail, and she was also blind from birth.. Also the stories of people meeting relatives not known to them. Now I know someone this has happened to. I also know that the mind is a very very powerful thing and it is capable of making suppressed memories come to the surface due to my own experiences in my life. But I have read stories of people who meet relatives from generations ago. Which baffles me and I am sure it baffles the scientists who study these things.
It doesn't make sense that a hallucination can cause someone to meet actual family members they did not know existed. I am sure that some people do in fact lie about these things but I do not feel that every single person is lying. It's possible, but not likely.
I have read as many accounts of NDE's as I possibly can, but I was hoping to speak with people who have actually had them. Particularly the ones who have met people not known to them at the time and those of you who were able to describe what happened while you were experiencing your NDE.
I have seen just about everything the skeptics have to say so I ask that you please not respond. I need believers and I need some hope and comfort in my life right now. I think if I spoke with believers and ones who have had NDE then I possibly can believe in an afterlife.
There was some discussion earlier on this forum about a neurosurgeon who says he went to Heaven. His medical training made him skeptical of any afterlife.
He wrote a book "Proof of Heaven". Maybe you should read it, because he goes to great length about the scientific side of things.
As far as your request, I have not personally had an NDE. I do know people who are not crazy, including a family member, who have seen and experienced ghosts.
My cat died this past April, and he has visited me many times. Kind of hard to remain a skeptic when that happens to you.
My grandmother had just died of ovarian cancer and I asked my other grandmother where she went and what happens when someone dies. She said "nothing", and "no where".
Your grandmother has an opinion based on limited human knowledge and experience.
Thank you for replying Shooting Stars. And yes, the grandmother who told me death is basically nothing did die when I was 16. I do not know if she had a NDE, OBE, or DBV beforehand. She was in a nursing home at that time and I did not get to see her. She was not a blood relative as the rest of the people mentioned in my post were. Her blood family did not want visitors at that time so I did not get to say goodbye or speak with her at all.
Your grandmother has an opinion based on limited human knowledge and experience.
Has she died lately? She DOES NOT KNOW.
After reading more accounts of NDE's I am starting to think that.....perhaps.....human beings possibly do have a limited knowledge. It's very hard for me to believe in things I cannot see or that cannot be explained. I am trying
Location: where you sip the tea of the breasts of the spinsters of Utica
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One approach to the fear of death is to resign yourself to its inevitability ..... thinking about it beforehand won't help you know more about, it only increases anxiety, so you determine not to think about it until it's unavoidably in your face. How do you not think about? The same way you don't think about committing incest. Immediately start thinking about something else if that train of thought comes up. Eventually shying away from the thought will become automatic.
Another approach is to work toward getting Out Of Body Experiences (once called astral projections). There are methods to get out of your body and find out firsthand what it's like. It takes quite a bit of practice over weeks or months though.
After reading more accounts of NDE's I am starting to think that.....perhaps.....human beings possibly do have a limited knowledge. It's very hard for me to believe in things I cannot see or that cannot be explained. I am trying
Of course they have limited knowledge, but it is ever-growing. Beliefs are a choice. You have to choose to believe in something and just put your faith in it. As a nurse, I've been around death more than most. I've heard some remarkable NDE stories that have made a lot of my peers believers. Me, I just don't have a strong enough inkling of either (I just truly don't know what happens after, and I've accepted that I don't know). Instead of dwelling on it, I choose to not stress/worry about it. One thing I am sure about is that whatever does happen is something that I cannot control (speaking more generally than heaven/hell), so all I can do is enjoy my life. I was raised to believe in heaven & hell, but my beliefs tend to be more scientific than spiritual so with all these medical and scientific explanations out there, they offer more a more solid explanation than the NDE's.
I'm sure these are all things you've heard before, but you seem like a logical person - so logically, how do you justify spending your life worrying about and thinking about death? Life is a beautiful opportunity and we can do so much with it. There is so much out there to see and do, and we are given a certain unknown amount of time to do it. Don't waste any more time being consumed with an event that is inevitable and out of your control.
One way I always think of it: have you ever been afraid to do something, say ride a roller coaster? And you go on it & almost have a panic attack, but then it moves and goes over all the scary hills & loops, and it just happens? The anticipation of something is almost always the worst part, and ironically enough - it's a part that can be cut out. If you let your mind wander and think about these things that you can't control, it is absolutely frightening and disconcerting. But you have to take control and make a choice (there's that word again ) to make the most of what you have. I hope your thoughts change so that you can live your life to the fullest. Everybody is facing the same fate, yet we are still traveling, boating, camping, skydiving (yeah, odd examples haha) and getting on with it. Good luck
One approach to the fear of death is to resign yourself to its inevitability ..... thinking about it beforehand won't help you know more about, it only increases anxiety, so you determine not to think about it until it's unavoidably in your face. How do you not think about? The same way you don't think about committing incest. Immediately start thinking about something else if that train of thought comes up. Eventually shying away from the thought will become automatic.
Another approach is to work toward getting Out Of Body Experiences (once called astral projections). There are methods to get out of your body and find out firsthand what it's like. It takes quite a bit of practice over weeks or months though.
I'm hoping the therapy will help. And trying to ignore the thought has been my issue on and off since the age of 8. So therapy is my hope. I've heard that with lots of work it can fade to the point that it is not crippling. It's time for me to face my fear and learn to accept it.
And yes I have been trying to take more time to just do normal everyday things.
Thanks for your reply.
Of course they have limited knowledge, but it is ever-growing. Beliefs are a choice. You have to choose to believe in something and just put your faith in it. As a nurse, I've been around death more than most. I've heard some remarkable NDE stories that have made a lot of my peers believers. Me, I just don't have a strong enough inkling of either (I just truly don't know what happens after, and I've accepted that I don't know). Instead of dwelling on it, I choose to not stress/worry about it. One thing I am sure about is that whatever does happen is something that I cannot control (speaking more generally than heaven/hell), so all I can do is enjoy my life. I was raised to believe in heaven & hell, but my beliefs tend to be more scientific than spiritual so with all these medical and scientific explanations out there, they offer more a more solid explanation than the NDE's.
I'm sure these are all things you've heard before, but you seem like a logical person - so logically, how do you justify spending your life worrying about and thinking about death? Life is a beautiful opportunity and we can do so much with it. There is so much out there to see and do, and we are given a certain unknown amount of time to do it. Don't waste any more time being consumed with an event that is inevitable and out of your control.
One way I always think of it: have you ever been afraid to do something, say ride a roller coaster? And you go on it & almost have a panic attack, but then it moves and goes over all the scary hills & loops, and it just happens? The anticipation of something is almost always the worst part, and ironically enough - it's a part that can be cut out. If you let your mind wander and think about these things that you can't control, it is absolutely frightening and disconcerting. But you have to take control and make a choice (there's that word again ) to make the most of what you have. I hope your thoughts change so that you can live your life to the fullest. Everybody is facing the same fate, yet we are still traveling, boating, camping, skydiving (yeah, odd examples haha) and getting on with it. Good luck
Forgive me, I mean scientifically we may lack knowledge. I am now trying to realize that perhaps there are certain things that science can't explain because maybe there are some things that are not a part of this world.
And actually my fear has gotten so out of control that I have thrown up. People just say that I need to stop worrying about death or that it's out of my hands, which yes it is out of my hands. But I have tried stopping it. I have tried just getting over it and I can't. I've tried everything I can possibly think of. This is an awful place to be in and I know its hard for others to understand. Trying to explain any of this to someone face to face just makes them give me this look like I have 4 heads. It's not fun going to the ER because the fear has gotten so bad that I can barely hold myself up. I was also incoherent in the ER. These are the things that hold me back. And this is why I need help. Because just me trying to do this alone isn't working. I've lost many people to painful diseases. I have also had various other things happen in my life that most my age have not experienced. So I have to keep reminding myself that it's ok if I can't fix it all alone.
But I have a glimmer of hope that I can get through this...just with baby steps and with some help.
PS....I also feel that nurses are angels on Earth. And I don't know you but just wanted to say thank you for what you do.
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I've lost many people to painful diseases. I have also had various other things happen in my life that most my age have not experienced. So I have to keep reminding myself that it's ok if I can't fix it all alone. 
