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Since there is no good reason I can think of to reinvent the wheel, this thread picks up on where the original "Lowdown on us Mormons" thread left off. That thread had 757 posts and a whopping 153,239 views! Nobody wants to wade through that much information to see if his question has already been asked and answered. So, for those who have joined City-Data recently, here's a new thread created for questions about life among the Mormons. Please use this thread for the purpose for which it was intended. In so doing, you'll save both yourself and all of us "regulars" on the forum a lot of time.
Probably at least two thirds of the threads in the Utah (including the Salt Lake City and St. George forums) are from people considering a move to Utah but who are afraid to take the leap because they are not LDS. Granted, I am LDS and have never lived outside of Utah, so I will admit that maybe my perspective is probably pretty one-sided. On the other hand, when 9 out of 10 of the posters in those threads ask for help in finding a place to settle where there aren't too many of those dreaded Mormons, I have to wonder if it's something other than our horns that everybody is afraid of.
Anyway, this thread is for all those folks who want some accurate information straight out of the horse's mouth so to speak about Mormon doctrine, culture and history. I know I could have started this thread in the religion sub-forum but it's not my intent to start a debate on "Are Mormons Christians?" (although it's a valid question) or to initiate a sounding board for people to trash Mormonism. My hope is that it will be a thread used primarily by people who are thinking about moving here, people who are new here and are confused about why they can't order prime rib at the Stake House or for long-time non-LDS Utahns who have questions about the faith that they don't dare ask their next-door neighbor for fear of getting a visit from the missionaries the next day.
So if there is anything about Mormons or Mormonism that you have always wanted to know but were afraid to ask, "This is the Place!"
PLEASE, NO PROSELYTIZING OR TRASH TALK! THIS IS NOT A THREAD TO DEBATE THE VIRTUES OR THE VICES OF MORMONISM. (That's what the Religion and Christianity sub-forums are for.)
Just to get this thread started up again, here is something I posted back on the original "Lowdown" thread...
I've been thinking about some of the posts I've seen on this forum from non-Mormons who would like to get to know their LDS neighbors a little bit better but are just kind of hesitant to make the first move or to inadvertently offend someone they're planning on living next door to for the next fifteen years or so. I'd just like to offer a few comments and suggestions of my own:
1. Mormonism is probably one of the few, if not the only, Christian denomination where no matter where you live, your street address determines where you will attend church each Sunday. You're free to attend an LDS church on the other side of town, and you'll be welcomed there -- but always (even if you go there every week) as a "visitor." Your "home ward" is where your "ward family" resides. You see these people three hours every Sunday and associate with them at church functions throughout the week. You know their kids because you teach them in Sunday School and chauffeur them around to church-sponsored activities. If you're a woman, two women in your ward are assigned to drop in and visit with you every month, to pick your kids up after school in a pinch and to bring in a casserole to feed your family when you're under the weather. Whether you're a man or a woman, you will also have two men in your ward visit you on a monthly basis, to check on how you're doing and to pass any information you may ask them to on to your bishop (if you lost your job, for instance, or were going into the hospital for some surgery). Stop and think about it... If you were quite good friends with more than a hundred people within an area of just a few square blocks of your house, if your needs were being met by this wide circle of people you knew you had a lot in common with, how much effort would you put into getting to know someone who was new in your neighborhood and was not part of that group? Probably not as much effort as you should. We plead guilty. We may not have a good excuse, but it's not that we're going out of our way to shun you.
2. Mormons have a health code (the Word of Wisdom) that seems to interfere with our getting to know our non-Mormon neighbors a lot more than it should. Our non-Mormon neighbors would love to have us over for coffee, but they have heard that we're going to be offended by the gesture. (See my post #351 on page 36 of this thread for a helpful hint on this topic.) Those who haven't done their homework may actually make the faux pas of inviting us over some evening "for a few drinks." Unfortunately, there are more than a few Mormons who interpret that as an invitation to come over for a drunken brawl. Others may accept the invitation to stop by, but simply decline to drink the wine or beer that is offered. Those of us who have spent our entire lives in the Church (and especially here in Mormon country, where we have plenty of friends who don't drink either) sometimes do make unfair assumptions about what "a couple of beers" really means. I know a lot of Mormons who would not want to go out to dinner with a couple that intends to have a glass of wine with their meal. I know a lot of Mormons who wouldn't give it a second thought. If possible, get to know your LDS neighbors in a setting that wouldn't involve alcohol before you invite them to a dinner where alcohol is served. It's silly, I know, that it should be such an issue, but if you want to get to know them, a little bit of respect for their beliefs will go along way. It probably won't take too awfully long before your having a glass of wine or them having a 7-up won't change the way in which you relate to each other.
3. Keep in mind that for us, the fun part of the weekend is only one day long. As much as we'd like to go to a movie or a football game or Lagoon with you, we would be very unlikely to agree to go with you on a Sunday. (We might watch the same movie or football game at home on TV, though. Don't ask me to explain that one.) We limit our shopping to the extent possible to the other six days of the week, and you won't find us out mowing our lawns or washing our cars on Sunday either. Some Mormons insist that their kids stay home with their families on Sunday when they're not in Church. This isn't Church policy, but I know a lot of families that feel that way. So, that means that even though they are happy to have their kids play with yours the other six days of the week, they may not be able to continue Saturday's activity on Sunday. That would include Saturday night sleepovers. Mondays are reserved for Family Home Evening, or at least they're supposed to be. A lot of LDS families won't let their kids do anything with friends on Monday night because they're going to be spending the evening with their own brothers and sisters. Couples whose kids are grown and out of the house are generally a lot less likely to be sticklers for Family Home Evenings. Finally, if you want to ask your LDS neighbors to go to a movie with you, keep in mind that many of them do not watch R-rated movies. Again, others do. You just need to get to know them and not take anything for granted.
I have to say that my experience with Mormons leaves me perplexed. Without exception, the ones I know are some of the overall best people I've known. We share very similar values, views, and interests. I've exhibited sensitivity of their dietary choices, much as I do my friends of other faiths. None have proselytized to me, nor I to them. I'm very happy with my denomination and take a "live and let live" approach to most including LDS.
Yet in no case can I call any of these people "friend" ... much as I would like to. "work friend" or "bike riding friend" for sure!; but they've always declined invitations to visit in our home (no alcohol or caffeine predicated), never invited us to theirs, and always politely decline my offers of help if they needed it in some area where I can provide assistance. They always seem somewhat aloof beyond a certain point like there's a closeness that I can't attain unless I'm "in the club" and maybe that's just my inference. I'll concede that my "sample size" is quite small, under 20.
Now we're strongly considering moving from Colorado to the Weber/Morgan/Davis County area. I'm at a point in my life where I prefer my friends by quality not quantity. My concern is my pre-school daughter whom we'll home-school. I know you can't protect your kids from the world, but I don't want to put her in an environment where she'll be ostracized either directly or implicitly.
Yet in no case can I call any of these people "friend" ... much as I would like to. "work friend" or "bike riding friend" for sure!; but they've always declined invitations to visit in our home (no alcohol or caffeine predicated), never invited us to theirs, and always politely decline my offers of help if they needed it in some area where I can provide assistance. They always seem somewhat aloof beyond a certain point like there's a closeness that I can't attain unless I'm "in the club" and maybe that's just my inference. I'll concede that my "sample size" is quite small, under 20.
That really, really sucks. As much as I hate to say it, your perceptions are probably indicative of some degree of aloofness.
Quote:
Now we're strongly considering moving from Colorado to the Weber/Morgan/Davis County area. I'm at a point in my life where I prefer my friends by quality not quantity. My concern is my pre-school daughter whom we'll home-school. I know you can't protect your kids from the world, but I don't want to put her in an environment where she'll be ostracized either directly or implicitly.
I know kids can be mean, but I really think it's probably going to be a matter of hit or miss. When I was growing up Mormon in Salt Lake City (back when there was considerably less diversity than there is today), I remember having close friends of all religions. The subject really never even came up, and we were just all kids who liked to hang out together.
It's okay to explain a point of doctrine but not to debate it. Many outsiders are curious about the doctrine, such as what are garments, why wear them, etc. What is not okay is going beyond simple explanations. Take those questions to Religion.
Going up as a member of the L.d.s.i always thought it was funny when I move around to to diff base areas in the states that they found out my wife was not L.d.s.thry would go but your this and your married to a person who is not your faith
Be yourself and you find some people to fit in there plus wife did quilting and other types of social type things so she fit in with out a problem
Here is a basic story about fitting in my wife had members over from the ward we where in when I was station in nc and it was hot that day .so I came home and I did not know they where there and I striped down to my underwear and has the fridge door open and I was drinking saight from the soda bottle when they came back into the room .
My wife give me a look like I'm going to kill you at a later time and date .the whole group just laugh and walked back out of the room and hear my wife saying I see that you met my oldest child there .
I walked though the room with my pants and t-shirt on carrying the rest of my cloths in hand .when I left the sight of my wit all I heard was laughing of the ladies there at my wife look when see was looking at me as I left the room
Just to get this thread started up again, here is something I posted back on the original "Lowdown" thread...
I've been thinking about some of the posts I've seen on this forum from non-Mormons who would like to get to know their LDS neighbors a little bit better but are just kind of hesitant to make the first move or to inadvertently offend someone they're planning on living next door to for the next fifteen years or so. I'd just like to offer a few comments and suggestions of my own:
1. Mormonism is probably one of the few, if not the only, Christian denomination where no matter where you live, your street address determines where you will attend church each Sunday. You're free to attend an LDS church on the other side of town, and you'll be welcomed there -- but always (even if you go there every week) as a "visitor." Your "home ward" is where your "ward family" resides. You see these people three hours every Sunday and associate with them at church functions throughout the week. You know their kids because you teach them in Sunday School and chauffeur them around to church-sponsored activities. If you're a woman, two women in your ward are assigned to drop in and visit with you every month, to pick your kids up after school in a pinch and to bring in a casserole to feed your family when you're under the weather. Whether you're a man or a woman, you will also have two men in your ward visit you on a monthly basis, to check on how you're doing and to pass any information you may ask them to on to your bishop (if you lost your job, for instance, or were going into the hospital for some surgery). Stop and think about it... If you were quite good friends with more than a hundred people within an area of just a few square blocks of your house, if your needs were being met by this wide circle of people you knew you had a lot in common with, how much effort would you put into getting to know someone who was new in your neighborhood and was not part of that group? Probably not as much effort as you should. We plead guilty. We may not have a good excuse, but it's not that we're going out of our way to shun you.
2. Mormons have a health code (the Word of Wisdom) that seems to interfere with our getting to know our non-Mormon neighbors a lot more than it should. Our non-Mormon neighbors would love to have us over for coffee, but they have heard that we're going to be offended by the gesture. (See my post #351 on page 36 of this thread for a helpful hint on this topic.) Those who haven't done their homework may actually make the faux pas of inviting us over some evening "for a few drinks." Unfortunately, there are more than a few Mormons who interpret that as an invitation to come over for a drunken brawl. Others may accept the invitation to stop by, but simply decline to drink the wine or beer that is offered. Those of us who have spent our entire lives in the Church (and especially here in Mormon country, where we have plenty of friends who don't drink either) sometimes do make unfair assumptions about what "a couple of beers" really means. I know a lot of Mormons who would not want to go out to dinner with a couple that intends to have a glass of wine with their meal. I know a lot of Mormons who wouldn't give it a second thought. If possible, get to know your LDS neighbors in a setting that wouldn't involve alcohol before you invite them to a dinner where alcohol is served. It's silly, I know, that it should be such an issue, but if you want to get to know them, a little bit of respect for their beliefs will go along way. It probably won't take too awfully long before your having a glass of wine or them having a 7-up won't change the way in which you relate to each other.
3. Keep in mind that for us, the fun part of the weekend is only one day long. As much as we'd like to go to a movie or a football game or Lagoon with you, we would be very unlikely to agree to go with you on a Sunday. (We might watch the same movie or football game at home on TV, though. Don't ask me to explain that one.) We limit our shopping to the extent possible to the other six days of the week, and you won't find us out mowing our lawns or washing our cars on Sunday either. Some Mormons insist that their kids stay home with their families on Sunday when they're not in Church. This isn't Church policy, but I know a lot of families that feel that way. So, that means that even though they are happy to have their kids play with yours the other six days of the week, they may not be able to continue Saturday's activity on Sunday. That would include Saturday night sleepovers. Mondays are reserved for Family Home Evening, or at least they're supposed to be. A lot of LDS families won't let their kids do anything with friends on Monday night because they're going to be spending the evening with their own brothers and sisters. Couples whose kids are grown and out of the house are generally a lot less likely to be sticklers for Family Home Evenings. Finally, if you want to ask your LDS neighbors to go to a movie with you, keep in mind that many of them do not watch R-rated movies. Again, others do. You just need to get to know them and not take anything for granted.
I hope that helps some!
The Mormon folks in my community are among the very best citizens you would ever want to know !
They are friendly family oriented folks with strong family values and are dedicated to the teachings of the Mormon Church !!! ..... It remains a pleasure to be associated with these great folks !!! ... Old Sgt. Lamar Says So !!! ...
During the Vietnam War I worked for the Army at Ft. Lewis, WA at the Dependent Youth Activities Center. One of my coworkers was a Mormon who had returned from the war zone and was finishing out the last year of his draft obligation.
We became good friends and I can easily say he was one of the most well-reasoned, fair-minded, kindest humans I ever met. The kids loved him.
We live in Southern MN and in the summer usually have a pair of young male Mormon missionaries in the neighborhood. They have unfailingly been pleasant, well-groomed and polite. How refreshing!
I don't have to agree with the ideas to take time to tell them how admirable I think it is for a young man to give up some of his own personal time to devote to something he believes in. I wish all our youth had a similar commitment to their values.
I have a fairly good education in U.S. history but it was only after getting a computer that I learned about the violent persecution that Mormons have suffered. It was shocking to know that could happen in this country.
During the Vietnam War I worked for the Army at Ft. Lewis, WA at the Dependent Youth Activities Center. One of my coworkers was a Mormon who had returned from the war zone and was finishing out the last year of his draft obligation.
We became good friends and I can easily say he was one of the most well-reasoned, fair-minded, kindest humans I ever met. The kids loved him.
We live in Southern MN and in the summer usually have a pair of young male Mormon missionaries in the neighborhood. They have unfailingly been pleasant, well-groomed and polite. How refreshing!
I don't have to agree with the ideas to take time to tell them how admirable I think it is for a young man to give up some of his own personal time to devote to something he believes in. I wish all our youth had a similar commitment to their values.
I have a fairly good education in U.S. history but it was only after getting a computer that I learned about the violent persecution that Mormons have suffered. It was shocking to know that could happen in this country.
Thank you for your extremely kind post!
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HappyTo Be Friends With Mormons !!!!!
