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When I was young (early twenties), I was working in a bank, but was really interested in getting into advertising. I got to know one of the customers, who was a vice president of one of the local ad agencies, and I approached him once about the possibility of getting an entry level with his firm. You know what he said? "Well, would you recognize a picture of [some LDS General Authority]?" I recognized the same, but I wasn't sure I'd be able to identify him in a picture even though I was LDS. I knew exactly what he was trying to do, though. He was asking me what religion I was, and was not being the slightest bit subtle about how he was going about it. (I don't think he had a clue that I saw through his question, as impossible as that may sound.) Anyway, "I said, 'Of course I would," and he seemed satisfied with my answer. I ended up getting a job at another agency where, oddly enough, I was practically the only Latter-day Saint on the staff.
I have a funny one like that too...
After high school, but before I left Utah, I took a photography class at the UofU and there was this guy in that class that clearly had a thing for me. I liked him a lot too. We spent a lot of time getting to know each other in the photography lab and he made it clear that he was LDS, but religion never "officially" came up. Every time he mentioned something that would identify him as Mormon, I would just listen, figuring that he was simply proud of his faith and talked about it a lot. It didn't occur to me until later that he was trying to figure out if I was Mormon as well. Sometimes he would ask what I did over the weekend and I often mentioned church...but I never clarified which church. This poor guy...I think he really needed to know but couldn't figure it out, nor did he just feel comfortable asking outright.
Then, I took a week long trip to Spain in the middle of the quarter (the U was on quarters at the time). So when I got back, I was telling him about my trip and out of nowhere he asked me: "So, did anyone ask you how to say 'choose the right' in English?" I had absolutely no clue what he was talking about...and he had his long-awaited answer.
After high school, but before I left Utah, I took a photography class at the UofU and there was this guy in that class that clearly had a thing for me. I liked him a lot too. We spent a lot of time getting to know each other in the photography lab and he made it clear that he was LDS, but religion never "officially" came up. Every time he mentioned something that would identify him as Mormon, I would just listen, figuring that he was simply proud of his faith and talked about it a lot. It didn't occur to me until later that he was trying to figure out if I was Mormon as well. Sometimes he would ask what I did over the weekend and I often mentioned church...but I never clarified which church. This poor guy...I think he really needed to know but couldn't figure it out, nor did he just feel comfortable asking outright.
Then, I took a week long trip to Spain in the middle of the quarter (the U was on quarters at the time). So when I got back, I was telling him about my trip and out of nowhere he asked me: "So, did anyone ask you how to say 'choose the right' in English?" I had absolutely no clue what he was talking about...and he had his long-awaited answer.
Your experience is actually funny. Mine was just plain annoying and uncalled for. I can understand why an LDS guy would want to know if a girl he was interested in was LDS or not, but what I don't get was why he didn't just ask, "So what religion are you?" When you said you'd gone to church on the weekend, that would have been a perfect opportunity. Whatever you'd said, he'd have had his answer and it wouldn't have been (at least in my opinion) a rude question to make in that context.
When I meet someone new, I always make a point of NOT mentioning the fact that I'm LDS. I don't mention Sacrament Meeting, my bishop, a general authority's talk I liked, the fact that I'm going to the temple the next day or anything else that would give the other person a clue. They figure it out sooner or later -- usually later -- and are generally surprised. That's how I want it. As a matter of fact, I went out of my way not to mention my religion when I started posting here. I even referred to Latter-day Saints as "they" and not "we" and stuff like that. I'm not ashamed of my religion. I just don't want people judging me for anything other than for what kind of a person I am. Let's face it, pretty much everybody has preconceived ideas about Mormons. I don't want them to have a preconceived idea about who I am before they get to know me.
Your experience is actually funny. Mine was just plain annoying and uncalled for. I can understand why an LDS guy would want to know if a girl he was interested in was LDS or not, but what I don't get was why he didn't just ask, "So what religion are you?" When you said you'd gone to church on the weekend, that would have been a perfect opportunity. Whatever you'd said, he'd have had his answer and it wouldn't have been (at least in my opinion) a rude question to make in that context.
I don't know. As a girl originally from the south, I was always taught that it was extremely rude to ask someone what religion they are. I am as liberal as they come--and I certainly don't hide the fact that I no longer attend any church--but I actually agree with that and will admit to having been a little peeved in the past when people have asked me what religion I was (all of them were in Utah).
It is funny. I tend to be sort of an open book, but I just feel that my faith is just a very personal topic.
I don't know. As a girl originally from the south, I was always taught that it was extremely rude to ask someone what religion they are.
That's interesting. I know I would never ask someone unless the subject came up pretty naturally. For the most part, I don't even care. I can see why it would matter to a young LDS man, though, and it seems to me that if you'd said you had attended church over the weekend, it would not be too out of line for him to have asked "Which one do you go to?" On the other hand, maybe he felt that it was a rude question, too, in which case it could be argued that he was trying to be sensitive by not blurting out, "So, are you a Mormon?" It's still a pretty funny story!
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I am as liberal as they come--and I certainly don't hide the fact that I no longer attend any church--but I actually agree with that and will admit to having been a little peeved in the past when people have asked me what religion I was (all of them were in Utah).
I've never lived outside of Utah, so I wouldn't know how our "curiosity" compares with that of people elsewhere. One thing I have had happen to me while traveling out of state is that when people hear that I'm from Utah, their first response is some put-down against Mormonism. When I don't laugh, they know they've offended me. That way they didn't have to ask first.
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It is funny. I tend to be sort of an open book, but I just feel that my faith is just a very personal topic.
We all have the right to make anything about ourselves be too personal to talk about.
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In cases, of two people dating, with the intent of making it some day a serious relationship, Latter Day Saints, unless they really don't give a hoot, are cautious about creating serious relationships.
In too many cases, if the two are not close to each other in their convictions, they may want to go their separate ways, sooner or later, which is not what was intended in the first place.
So when this happens, an LDS man or woman, wanting to know what religion you are, then consider him or her a serious LDS person with some convictions to their religion. In the end, he or she is looking for a relation that will last for *eternity*, not until death or divorce do they part .....
Anything else, as long as both parties are willing to give and take, where it is 90% give and 10% take, for BOTH parties, mind you, then religion should NOT be an issue.
BM (Before Mormonism), I dated both, yes and no Mormons, but never with the intent of making it a serious relationship. It was fun to hang around either kind. Then when it got serious, I made darn sure that we had the same intents for the long run, so only a *yes I am LDS* was possible. I knew darn well that I was NOT going to give up my convictions.
So yes, religion is a very personal thing, but it should be *part of the deal* when it gets serious.
Its not just LDS who, stay in their owne religon.Alot of religons do the same, my Dh's whole family is or was Catholic, his uncles on his fathers side were all priest. He asked his one uncle if he could baptize or oldest son, and his uncle told us no because I was not Catholic . I think my DH was really hurt by that, I told him it did not bother me because, I was kind of used to being the odd one out when it came to religous matters. God is God,he has many names I do not think any way is the one true way for every single person on this Earth. What I do not get, is why people get mean over the matter, honestly its really quite silly if you think about it. So far I have felt comfortable in any church I have gone to,I do not expect people to do the same, nor do I think I am better for it. Maybe I am the one who is loosing out, because i do not have any set church, frankly I think all are right as long as its done with love and kindness and of course God.
I wonder if times have changed. Wayyyy back when I was single (been married now 28 years) I came out to Salt Lake back in April of 1978. I sure didn't know much about the whole culture here, I just took a job from a guy my family taught the jewelry business to who had moved out here and opened a jewelry store. I though geez, at the age of 25 I was up for an adventure. Nothing to hold me back. Well my 2nd month out here the family that owned the adjoining apartment I rented wanted to fix me up with one of their friends. A gal about my age. We went out several times. She was very nice. After about the 3rd date she started asking a lot of questions. Seems she was a returned missionary and was rather intrigued about my Jewish background. It slowly started to move towards her wanting me to become more involved with finding out about HER religion. That ended pretty quick. Then I ran into another 2 gals over the next year, other than the fact they were not former missionaries it went the same way.
Finally a neighbor I met across from my apartment and I started dating. She wasn't involved in "The Church" anymore, so we got closer. Eventually my brother wanted me to come back to Chicago and help him with his wholesale business. We got engaged and married in Chicago. Eventually moved to the SF Bay area for a decade and then back here to the SL Valley in 93. We now participate with a small group of Hebrew Believers (Jewish and those from non Jewish backgrounds that have a common faith they are Israel and in the Messiah Yeshua (called Jesus by christians). Since we don't celebrate the man made holidays of easter and xmas and such we are a bit outside of the sphere of the rest of the folks that live here, but that's ok by us. I find more questions asked of me than exclusion by LDS folks. So they are the least of my concerns as far as acceptance in place. In general folks seem to look at you for how you present yourself, not what your label is per se.........
after my morning run today, i was out in the backyard talking about fly fishing with my neighbor (one of the ones that has avoided any religious discussion or event like the plague).
somehow that conversation turned into a discussion about politics, and then from there, he brought up the topic of religion and explained to me his theological position and his agreements and disagreements with the church here in utah.
this was completely without any prodding from me at all; i have specifically avoided talking about religion with him because of his apparent past preferences. i am pretty sure that if i tried to bring up the topic even now, he'd still be defensive about it, or at least suspicious of my motives, but when i let him bring it up, then he seemed comfortable with it.
anyway, we had a pleasant discussion where no theological arguments were necessary, and ended the over-the-fence philosophy discussion realizing that we both had very similar political perspectives and goals.
this anecdotal evidence supports my claim that there is nothing inherently wrong with talking about religion (or politics, for that matter) with other people. it only becomes wrong when you know or suspect that you are making someone uncomfortable. until then, it is simply a conversation, and even the most politically/religiously polarized people in the world can have a respectful, friendly conversation if that is their goal.
First of all, this is my first post. My family will be moving to Utah at the end of spring 2010; so hello everyone in the Provo area. : )
Second of all, my heart goes out to the original poster (however long ago she may have first posted this). My son is the only LDS child in our town, so I understand the frustration. The other children are not accepting of him at all, even though he is not "preachy" nor does he try and foist his religious views on others. My husband and I are also in the religious minority, and the rest of the townsfolk are well aware of our religion. We try not to make it a big deal, and we only discuss our church if asked about it. But despite our best efforts we are continually treated in a manner that is nothing short of disgusting and cruel.
I've had my tires slashed many times, and derogatory words spray painted on our property. I'm referred to in town not as my first name, but as "first wife". (For the record, we are not polygamists) My son is often called satanic by his "Christian" schoolmates.
To label all Christians and Non-LDS as being bigoted and cruel is simply inaccurate. Despite the nonsense we've encountered here in a predominately Baptist/Pentecostal town, I refuse to believe that this is typical behavior of those within these religions. Instead, I choose to see the positive that has come from this situation.
My family has seen what hate and misunderstanding can do to neighborhoods and we've chosen to not behave in this way. That way when we move to Utah where WE are the majority, not the minority, hopefully this will be in the back of our minds the whole time. I don't ever want to turn away my children's playmates simply because they are not LDS or ignore a neighbor's friendly wave. Heck, I always keep a couple of packets of Folger's in my kitchen for my non-LDS friends and I don't want that to change when my zip code does. : )
Once again, i'm so sorry for your pain. I understand what you went through completely.
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