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Old 04-05-2007, 01:46 PM
 
Location: Northern Nevada
8,545 posts, read 9,865,134 times
Reputation: 3065

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I have been looking at these posts for a long time...so much debate on non LDS living amongst the LDS. We are non active (and don't intend to be active) members who moved to St. George area 1 1/2 yrs ago from NorCal. We came here due to hubby retiring and cost of living would work for us. That's probably the main reason non LDS come here, for jobs or to beat the cost of living elsewhere.

Anyway, turns out our nice neighborhood has pretty much shunned us. We were ok when they thought we might get 'active' again. One man walking his dog won't even wave or talk to us when we say hi. It's very lonely here for me. Kids are grown and in CA and so not able to meet other ladies through the kids, such as soccer...etc.. I have always been very outgoing and friendly, and have a lot to offer as a friend.

We honestly thought this would be the most diverse part of Utah due to so many retirees moving here from elsewhere, but I think what is happening is we are getting plenty of retirees, but they seem to be LDS, at least the ones we have met.

I don't have anything against the LDS church, was baptized right before I married my husband, love is blind I guess. Turns out after a few years it just didn't work for me. I do miss the anonimity of CA, no one there gives a hoot about religion.

We will probably go back to CA when we can in a few years. I just think so many people talking about being shunned, it must be true. I'm not looking to get flamed here, just my opinion!
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Old 04-05-2007, 02:06 PM
 
421 posts, read 1,653,370 times
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Were your neighbors friendly in California? I'm curious. So many people talk about being shunned by their neighbors, as though it's all based on religion, and I just have to wonder how much of it is simply human behavior? I have some neighbors I'm friendly with, because we know each other through our children or through church activities. I have other neighbors I've barely spoken three sentences to since we moved here. It's nothing against them personally or religiously; in fact, most of them are also active members! We simply haven't found anything in common, I suppose. There's been no reason to chat.

Where I grew up, we were one of about four LDS families on our street. Directly on all sides of us, however, were non-LDS families. I never saw a difference in how they were treated; we were friendly with some, not so friendly with others. And not surprisingly, the ones we were friendliest with were the ones who had kids to play with or babysit, or an equal interest in gardening. Those with older kids or no kids, or who spent all their time in the house, we really never got to know, even though they were right next door. We had nothing against them, we just didn't know them.

Looking at it from the perspective of many people who have posted on this forum, those neighbors might very well have thought we shunned them because they weren't LDS, when in reality it didn't even factor into the equation.

I think this is a hard thing; I find myself at a loss on how to approach others. If I'm not friendly, I'm shunning them, or elitest, because of difference of religion. If I am friendly, I'm fake, or just hoping to convert them. And in reality, it usually has nothing to do with religion, and everything to do with what we have in common, what our life situations are, and how shy or outgoing we each are.

I'm sorry you haven't been happy in your neighborhood. Maybe you need to take the initiative? Join a book club or take up golf or find your own congregation to join?
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Old 04-05-2007, 03:36 PM
 
1,125 posts, read 3,386,568 times
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I hope your memories of California have not been skewed by time, because everything you mention is common in California. I agree there is less interest in religion, but there is also significantly less interest in people. Our neighbors are not sociable, and it’s not just my neighbors. It is very uncommon for neighbors to socialize in any neighborhood. Over the course of my career, I have interviewed thousands of people in an attempt to find a witness to a crime committed against their neighbors. Seldom, do I find a neighbor who even knows the name of their neighbor, let alone noticed anything unusual.
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Old 04-05-2007, 04:26 PM
 
Location: Salt Lake City, Utah
12 posts, read 64,638 times
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The most diverse part of Utah is Salt Lake City, where it is predominantly Democratic and only about 30% Mormon, as opposed to 60% (or so) in Utah as a whole.

Living in a small town (like St. George) is much harder and less diverse. Everyone knows everyone else and word travels fast when you are not "active". We are also "non-active" mormons. It's interesting that you are almost treated worse than if you weren't ever mormon. As if you never knew the "Truth" is not as bad as if you knew it and left it. Weird.

My advice is to get active in the community, I know you have, but keep trying...Reach out to your mormon neighbors so they can get to know how great you are, even though you aren't mormon. They don't mean to be rude to you, it's just easier for them to get to know you if you go to church and easier to ignore you if you don't. Be the bigger person. You will find in time that Utah is an awesome place to live!
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Old 04-05-2007, 05:48 PM
 
5,594 posts, read 18,247,703 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gemini_chick View Post
The most diverse part of Utah is Salt Lake City, where it is predominantly Democratic and only about 30% Mormon, as opposed to 60% (or so) in Utah as a whole.

Living in a small town (like St. George) is much harder and less diverse. Everyone knows everyone else and word travels fast when you are not "active". We are also "non-active" mormons. It's interesting that you are almost treated worse than if you weren't ever mormon. As if you never knew the "Truth" is not as bad as if you knew it and left it. Weird.

My advice is to get active in the community, I know you have, but keep trying...Reach out to your mormon neighbors so they can get to know how great you are, even though you aren't mormon. They don't mean to be rude to you, it's just easier for them to get to know you if you go to church and easier to ignore you if you don't. Be the bigger person. You will find in time that Utah is an awesome place to live!

Hi gemini. Very good advice and a good post. However, your comment about St. George being a "small town" where "everyone knows everyone else" has me confused. It sounds like you're describing a town of 500 instead of St. George being over 50,000. The greater St. George area is now over 100,000 and I just heard on the news this morning that it's the fastest growing town in the nation.

Seems to me that there's no way that everyone can know everyone else in St. George.





dogmom, have you ever considered Mesquite? Even though it's a Mormon founded town and the LDS influence can still be felt, it feels more diffused and diverse than many of the Utah towns are described as being.



--'rocco

Last edited by scirocco22; 08-28-2007 at 11:35 PM..
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Old 04-05-2007, 08:09 PM
 
Location: Salt Lake City, Utah
12 posts, read 64,638 times
Reputation: 15
Allow me to clarify; I'm not referring to St. George being a small town by actual population. Just more of a small town feel. I have a home in SLC as well as St. George, and it most certainly is different in St. George. It is much more laid back and also the retirees have a great deal of time on their hands. Last week, we let a friend of ours stay in our St. George home and we are here right now. Several of our neighbors, even those from two streets away, gave us a full report on our guests' comings and goings last week. That's what I mean by small town...they had nothing else to talk about in church and during their nightly walks, so suddenly all of the neighbors knew everything...and it wasn't even that interesting
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Old 04-05-2007, 08:18 PM
 
Location: Northern Nevada
8,545 posts, read 9,865,134 times
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Hi everyone, I appreciate your comments! I am trying to get involved, part of the issue are health problems, so right now hiking and golf are out of the question. I just need to meet ladies I have something in common with...I dont really even know where to start.

Scirocco, we thought about Mesquite,in fact a few years ago we put a deposit on a lot...we changed our minds - we don't golf or gamble much and figured there would really be nothing there for us to do. It is a lovely city though and we do drive down there once in a while.

Chazcrew, I guess we were lucky but in our 28 years that we were in CA we had vibrant neighborhoods. We had some crazy neighbors here and there, but thats another story for another day. I just think its strange that one day your neighbors think you're great, the next you're not.

I am going to try to get out and socialize somehow so maybe that will help in time..thanks for all your input and advice!
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Old 04-05-2007, 08:49 PM
 
5,594 posts, read 18,247,703 times
Reputation: 4795
Ah, makes sense, gemini. Thanks for the clarification.

Good luck, dogmom. Hope things work out for you. I've known several who have moved from California and then moved back so I suppose it's not that odd to consider.

--'rocco
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Old 04-06-2007, 02:30 PM
 
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
378 posts, read 1,818,368 times
Reputation: 238
Wait has a Mormon and non-Mormon every peacefully co-existed?
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Old 10-24-2009, 03:44 AM
 
2 posts, read 10,114 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Elder_Shawn View Post
Wait has a Mormon and non-Mormon every peacefully co-existed?

yes they have.
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