Moving with a teenager-she isn't very happy-HELP!

[bustedknee]

This could work out OK or this could go totally wrong. Getting input from some of the younger folks on this board is a great idea.

We moved when my daughter was a senior. The most important things in her life (she thought) were her school, her friends and whatever they were doing tonight. Tomorrow did not matter. My career did not matter. Living in a nice little town vs a dangerous city did not matter, etc., etc.

We finally agreed to let her finish her senior year of high school in the city and live with her grandmother. She then moved in with us to attend college.

Living with her grandmother was an education in itself!

After college she moved back to the city and lives there to this day (18 years later).
So, where you live may be where your daughter wants to be, and she is almost old enough to make that decision. She is forming her own life at this point. She probably doesn't realize (or even refuses to consider) the possibility she can have a wonderful life elsewhere if she will only give it a chance.

Now, an old joke: What is the difference between a rabid Pit Bull and a teanaged girl on PMS? Lipstick.

How you handle this will determine your relationship with your daughter for the rest of your lives. At this point in her life, reasoning with her will most likely not work.

My advice is consider all the options and let her be a part of the decisions.
Good luck.

[Weeeesnaw]

Moving sucks. I'm 14 and I'd give all the money in the world to move back to my hometown. You might think contacting old friends helps, but to me it's like watching your friends grow up and have the time of their lives on high school without you. I've been in my new school for 5 months and I still feel like it's the first week of school, because none of the kids here are anything like me. Parents-try as hard as you can to stay in place for as long as you can, because no matter how many good things there are in your new town, they will always, always want to move back.

[Teebyrd86]

I dont understand what you see so wrong with the mountains of Va? I grew up in Richmond but found myself moving to Roanoke to better myself. If you want to move to better yourself I totally understand, but why make your daughter to think that a life in the mountains of Va will mean a long broke life?

[mrspink]

My little bit of input...I'm 21 and while I may be a senior in college, I can clearly remember what High School felt like.

Of course she is going to be devestated. She is 15 and you are telling her she has to leave behind everything and everyone she has ever known and embrace the unknown. This is probably really scarey and frustrating for her. She'll be moving to a new place, meeting new people and let's face it...teens can be really cruel. This is a big deal and you should consider her feelings. I would have been mortified by this at 15...leaving my best friends, my boyfriend (who btw is now my husband), other family, my school...everything.

HOWEVER...and this is a BIG however...YOU are the parents. If my parents would have decided to move when I was 15, I would have been completely torn apat. BUT, while I may have been extermely distraught, I wold have understood (in my own way) that this would have been what is best for my FAMILY. In a year she will have her license and she will be able to drive to see her friends. You HAVE to consider her feelings, and try to show some compassion towards her, but I think you need to let her know that you stick by your decision and she has to respect it though she may not like it.

If this sounded like a selfish move on your part, I may speak otherwise. But you are truly doing it for the ENTIRE family...so you can have a better life. One day...though that may be far away, she will understand it.

Another Option: Really consider how much more money you would be making and how much better a life this would give you. If moving wins hands down, if that is the best option, then it needs to be done. However, if it isn't going to make a big difference...then I would weigh the possible outcomes. Would it be worth uprooting your family and causing you daughter this resentment?

As I said...I my opinion is that you are the parents and the decision is YOURS NOT HERS. Just make that clear, but let her know you care about her feelings and the pain and anger this is causing her.

[Coolbeans12]

Moving is really really hard. I moved out of state when I was just barely 14 and honestly i didn't fully recover until my senior year of high school...
On the other hand, when my parents said we were moving, that meant we were moving. I know without a doubt that if given a choice at the time, I would never have moved BUT if given the choice now I would have agreed, because it honestly strengthened me. It took a while, but in the end it was good for me.
As the parent, it is your decision. Don't get me wrong - you should take your daughter's feelings into account, but YOU are the authority.
good luck - it'll be tough but I'm sure things will mend with time.

[ShadowBat]

My only advice is to at least consider where she is coming from. Yes you are the parents and the final say is yours, but if you just tell her to move because we said so, she is going to resent you for a long time. Try reasoning with her instead of just saying it will mean a better life. I'm curious, where will you be moving to? Could you commute, or move somewhere else in southwest VA like Roanoke, that has a good healthcare facility? Or perhaps you could give her the option of staying with family while you move and let her decide to come to visit so she can see what the new place is like on her own. If it's her decision to visit, then maye she won't be so against the idea of moving. But without actually knowing your daughter, it will be hard recommending anything.