Moving with a teenager-she isn't very happy-HELP! (Lebanon: rent, amusement parks) - Virginia (VA) - City-Data Forum

richard deel · 06-22-2007, 12:54 PM

This is the problem we are having- they are 3 kids (2- 9 year boys & 1 -15 year old girl).The boys (who are twins) r ready to move, yet the girl is thinking about running away if we move her!!
Now- we live in southwest part of virginia alittle town called Lebanon, my wife works as a LPN nurse and i as a Auto detailer. We both grow up in these parts, and understand that these mountains are a great place to raise these kids.
My wife and I have been thinking about relocating down south with a traveling nurse staffing company. They will pay all our living bills, plus around $30 an hour. If you have ever lived in these monutain you very much understand that is a much better life and future for everyone.
BUT- the girl who will be entering high school this year isnt that happy. We can't get it through her head that moving will not only help her outlook on life, but better our family. She feels that the world is coming to an end.
Can anyone help?
What can we say or do to get her to understand that our life could be alot better-or stuck in these mountains wishing for money to go to the movies???
Thank you for your help!!

5stones · 06-22-2007, 01:28 PM

Talk to her and let her know that you are doing this for a better life overall for everyone. Remember at 15 her world revolves around her!

(my 13 year old is having the same problem with our pending move) Let her know you aren't doing this to make her life miserable. Also let her plan a going away party with her friends. (we did this on our last move and it helped alot)

Let her know that her old friends can visit her and you will take her to visit her old friends (weekend exchange etc...) I have already made 3 trips back to Pittsburg so my kids can see thier old friends...they even went to school for a day over springbreak vacation!

Let her have an IM account to keep in touch. we also did this with the stipulation that she has to keep her grades up in A-B's if they drop the IM gets taken away.

Let her be an active part in the home, town, and school search. If she feels she gets to contribute in the plans it will help feel like she is part of the decision making progress. What are her activites? sports? find out what's avail for her where you are going...better programs etc... (we consented to getting a house with a pool if we move to an area like TX...huge smile in 13 year old face!!) New room that she can paint, decorate her own way. (another biggie with the teen set) First dibs on room choice. maybe her own bathroom, a nother biggie with teen girls...NOT sharing a bath with younger brothers!! (we were forunate to find a place with a teen room bathroom set up for our oldest, HUGE plus...)

Also let her know you understand that it's not easy and yes, she can be upset and mad etc... but you are doing YOUR best to do what's BEST for your family.

monkey20 · 06-22-2007, 10:20 PM

Moving to a new place can be very frigtening for anyone , at 15 she probably has a group of friends and feel settled in her life. Explain first of all that her friends will always be her friends no matter how far apart she is and also tell her even though she thinks she will never be happy living somewhere else she will always make new friends. Tell her you both love her at its the love for your children and your family that is why you have made the choice to move... I have moved from the Uk i am 24 and have moved to the US with my american Husband for a chance of a better life for my family. It was the hardest thing i ever had to do..... Maybe show here this Forum so she can see other peoples comments, I know she says she will run away but thats just hurt talking when shes older she will see that it was worth it! Also explain ,you are also leaving your friends ,you are also making a Sacrifice. No matter what age you are you still feel the young person inside , the fear is there but you learn with age to go with the fear as great things will come from the hard choices you make

all the best

SCBeaches · 06-23-2007, 08:20 AM

Great ideas from 5Stones and Monkey20...I also want to add that if you plan to join a church in your new town, contact the youth minister and explain your dilemma with your daughter. Ask him/her to help get your daughter involved in the church's youth group activities this summer. If it's like my church, our youth group goes swimming, whitewater rafting, camping, to concerts, amusement parks, etc. This would be a great way for her to make and have friends even before starting school in the Fall.

ashbrn4 · 06-24-2007, 12:22 PM

I just have one thing to add. You are the parents and she is the child. It's your decision, not hers. Moving is to the benefit of the family and she will get over it and meet new people. I was a teenage girl once, and some thrive on drama. She is not paying the bills and she will meet plenty of new friends during her time in HS. I moved between 7th and 8th grade and never thought to complain because it wasn't my decision. If she threatens to run away, where exactly does she think she'll go? She's trying to manipulate you by making threats. Don't buy into it. Tell her when she's 18, she can go wherever she wants, but right now she's a minor and you're making this decision for everyone. So, here's a what if... What if you give into her and stay there, who wins? No one from what you've said in your post. So, to me this is really a moot issue. Her world is changing, not ending and she better get used to it, because that is life. Sorry to sound so harsh, but I have real issues with parents who let their kids try to make decisions based on their wants. I don't think you have to make her "understand". Just tell her it's best for everyone and that's why you're doing it. BTW, we raised two wonderful sons (21 and 23) and they knew it wasn't their decision when it came to what was good for the family.

DWS43 · 06-24-2007, 08:06 PM

I relocated to Northern VA from Ohio right before my 16th birthday. It was a difficult adjustment and as soon as I graduated I headed right back to Ohio for college. It was then that I realized that move to Virginia was probably the best thing that had ever happened to me. I got a chance to experience things that I probably never would have experienced otherwise. I just could not see it at the time.

D

ike81000 · 10-25-2007, 05:54 PM

hi there. i dunno if ill be any help or not, but i'm 15 too. i'm a boy though. anyways, i just moved two months ago to North carolina...and god, i hate it. i used to live in california, where i had great friends. one in particular which i swear ill never meet anyone like him again. anyways, im doing..okay. i hear it takes a good 6 months to get used to. but yeah, let me start over on how this whole thing happened. i lived in san jose and loved it. then, my family couldnt keep a good living here because of our rent being so high. somewhat oblivious, they asked on my opinion for moving and i was optimistic. well, once we actually got on the road i was miserable. i was constantly fighting with my parents and developed an "i dont care what you think" attitude. honestly, i really became a jerk to them. as time passed, ive been getting better. school is....okay. i have a good group of friends. but tell your daughtor, its gonna really suck not having anyone to really relate to for a while. im a pretty strong person and even i broke down in tears a couple of times cause i couldnt relate to anybody at my school. i felt trapped, bein that my parents were the only people that understood me in north carolina and i was a complete jerk to them. as i said, dunno if this is help, i was lookin for help on the internet..someone to relate to and found this. thanks =)

ike81000 · 10-25-2007, 05:58 PM

agh!!! guys. i just read all your coments. im 15 and just moved. telling your daughtor why you moved wont do anything! its not a thing of understanding, its just really a frustrating process. if you tell her why its right that you move, itll just make her feel like "your right, im wrong, and my life still sucks".

LDH · 10-25-2007, 06:20 PM

It's really hard to move at that age. Is there a chance that you can invite a friend of hers to come and stay with you for a week during Christmas vacation? It might make it a little bit easier if she has something familiar to her around.

NCN · 10-25-2007, 06:31 PM

What's his name and are there boys where you are going? Give her a limitless calls telephone so she can communicate with her old friends, but make sure she meets some new friends where you are going. What are her interests? Check into what is available where you are going. Contact the school and explain your situation. Make helping her adjust a priority for the first little while. Yes, you are the parents, but she is at an important and difficult time in her life. Make her happy and you will all be happy.