What am i running from & where am i running to, points to ponder (Appalachia: fit in)

[joee]

I read the post "Land decision Question - View or Acreage, NC or TN" in the tn forum this mourn and it really has some points in it that really hit home for me & my quest for that better place.

This is going to be a long 1 so i'll have to split into 2 posts i think.

Without being too redundant in my ramblings, my situation is somewhat different than most, i pulled the plug on my job long before retirement age so now i live on a fairly good reduced non social security retirement.

I got to the point that i hated my job and my life was miserable, fed up with being told what to do, when to do it, & how to do it, i just got to the point of feeling like i was being dictated by the system (your in the army now stuff)..

I'm probably going to come off as seeming to be the rebel or just plain stupid, but after 20 yrs at the same job i got to thinking about life & decided pulling the plug is going to be 1 of the stupidist things i've ever done or 1 of the best moves i've ever made, but there was just 1 way i would know for sure.

I took a reduction in income but with no kids left at home i figured well i'll take the chance, so anyway back to the being dictated by the system, if you are stuck in a certain job field i just felt like i was becoming a robot, the job dictates when you go to bed, when you get up, you get x amount of income per month therefore thats going to set the stage for your standard of living which in my case not rich nor poor but the slowly dying middle class.

you look back & think am i better off now than i was 15 years ago, the answer was no, others i worked with were they better off from when they started working to their retirement, still no, so it was a never ending circle to nowere.

I know i'll never see that 100,000+ house & a lot of goodies in life now, but to me there's other things in life more important, we're only here for a short time in our lifespan and i surely don't want to spend it working day & night just so i can say look at me i have everything but yet i'm miserable, it's time to slow life down and actually take a look at everything life has to give instead of seeing all in fast forward as a blur.

I've lived in the st louis area for many moons, lived in chicago for a couple of yrs, kansas city for a yr, chicago was nice but not the place to live, kc definatly not, st louis nope, the midwest to me seems for lack of a better word screwed up.

[joee]

Now onto that certain place were i thought i wanted to start my life over again, i don't know about others but i change my mind about were i want to live more than i change clothes.

I started off wanting to be in east tennessee, then thought well southeast tn would be warmer(i hate cold), then got the idea hmmm mayby southwest virginia so i'm jumping around more than a rabbit in a carrot patch.

So now i come across a few posts that somewhat put things in perspective:

"I can promise you this, if you pick wrong between Asheville and Eastern Tennessee, you're going to know it within weeks of your move and be miserable"

"I can get to Weverville NC in about an hour and I am a bit North of J.C.
Look at the roads that connect the two. Hwy 26 from the Tri-Cities and 70 in Greeneville. 70 actually goes through Weaverville to get to Asheville as it merges with 25 just over the TN/NC boarder. Because 70 is more curvy it takes about an hour also even though it is less miles from Greeneville to Weaverville."

but this 1 really hit home:

"I agree but I think too many people choose a relocation spot based on weather, pretty scenery and cost and those really aren't the things that make you the happiest in the long run or on a daily basis.

The Florida forum (very interesting) has a long-running thread about why people are fleeing that state in droves and from some of those posts, I can tell a lot of those people are going to repeat their mistakes in North Carolina, Tennessee, South Carolina or Georgia because they still don't know what's important to them, they only know what they are trying to get away from, what their neighbors did and have a fairytale vision of where they're going to.

For example, yeah the mountains are beautiful, but what's that commute like to your job? Are you going to whine the whole time you're in your beautiful mountain spot about the "lack of culture," nearby chain restaurants that don't quite match the big city ones you are used to in variety or artsy-fartsyness? How about the ice going down those mountain roads in the winter in your Prius?

What are you going to do the third week of retirement after spending the last 14 days playing golf and being out in the middle of nowhere in some expensive planned, but pretty, community where outside of the gates, folks have half as much money as you and don't take too kindly to you coming in and trying to change their small town?

Are you going to whimper about "not fitting in" when you moved into a 4-1 conservative, but pretty and cheap, community because people aren't "tolerant" of your opinions about school education, social activities tied to the church and laugh at your crusade against the WalMart you don't work for and never shop at?

Did you ever stop to think if the new beautiful place accommodates you and what you are used to, it's going to turn into the same crappy expensive overcrowded crime infested, but tolerant, place you fled?"

Am i basing my decision on weather, scenery, & cost, pretty much so & not taking into consideration anything else.

So now i'm back to allmost square 1 again, how many times have others been down this same road i wonder.

Well it's time to reach down into the depths of this old sole and figure out what else am i looking for besides weather, scenery & costs, so if everyone can put up with me for a bit longer perhaps my next post will be just what i am looking for in a community & you good folks can suggest a few good places were this ol boy might jus fit in.

With wanting to relocate in either tn or va i think i'll post this in both tn and va.

[rheaburris]

I don't know if this will help you or not, but after reading everything you wrote and what you seem to be battling with, a fresh perspective might be what you need. We all need to feed,clothe and put a roof over our head.Whether we do it with diamond ,gucci, and a pool is a personal choice.Most of us need human company,some need lots of different people to interact with, some just 1 or 2 good friends. Finding a climate that supports our idea of fun is important ,weather for skiing vs. scuba diving,etc. Home is where we choose to make it.And if we weigh what is important to us , find it in one place, then we can be happy there. Who cares if I say pop and you say coke, we can still share our town and be friends. I have never regret any move I've made. I look for the things I love, and overlook the flaws(kind of like with family)lol... I embrace the differances...it just puts me closer to a new perspective. I don't have bad memories of anywhere I lived, because I chose those places for the things I loved. I hope this gives you back your hope, you are not back at square 1,just midway on your journey

The draw to any location is having what you love at hand.And if that's a family member then go for it!

[KewGee]

Joee,

Congratulations on your decision to end your tenure with the working world and take the time to "smell the roses" and enjoy the things that really matter in life. Life really is too short to waste time killing yourself for a few extra dollars. $100,000 plus houses are not on my list of important things nor are big toys or the extravagant trips. God willing that I'll be able to make my trip to the Appalachians next summer, I'll be as happy as can be. And as soon as I can, I'm outta the world of "dictatorship" as well. I do like my job, but I like my free time, home, and the simple pleasures in life ever so much better.

I know what you mean about trying to decide where to relocate. I'm driving myself nuts. I've gone from five states down to one, VA, southwestern, of course. I have many reasons for wanting to leave Texas, but I've definitely considered that the grass definitely may not be greener on the other side.

I also considered TN but one thing I don't want is the population to explode and it looks to me like TN and NC are getting way too many people for me. I'm sure they're are still places that are less traveled, so to speak, but I'm just afraid in my lifetime, I'll be "populated" out.

Should I leave Texas, I leave my family and that would be the hardest decision I would have to make. I'm just not sure I can do that and right now, I can't talk anyone into going with me. Who knows? That too could change.

[scallawag]

We are thinking about leaving our home state, since we need a new job, and natch I would like to be near a family member that moved away from all of us. Sort of like not having them left out there all alone. We think of places we've visited, but the pull of the family keeps tugging. Even if we could find the perfect weather, or scenery, or other things you can measure on a poll, none of them measure proximity to loved ones. There are some family members you may want to keep your distance from, but what about those you are closest to, or want to stay close to for important events? No man is an island.

[jballa]

Wow, that was a rather lengthy and interesting thought and some very good points were made. Some people get caught up in every little thing about life, and other just "roll with the punches" and make the best out of what they have. It sounds like while you can roll with the punches, there are things out there that maybe you shouldn't worry about too much.

If the road is icy on your morning commute in the mountains, buy a different car or go in late. If the people in your community don't seem to care about an item you're concerned with, find another way to improve your community. If you find yourself lonely, bored, or miserable with your surroundings, find a new hobby or place that you absolutely love to go. In college that place for me was a dock on the Elizabeth River tucked away in a cul de sac.

I have become very accustomed to the entire state of VA and lessor the entire US through my job in which I travel a lot. Yes, some places I've been have A LOT to desire but I have always found something about that place that I absolutely LOVED; Eastern Tennessee, Smokey Mountains & motorcycling ... Nebraska, bird hunting.... Louisiana, women & crawfish (I know weird combo)....

Anyway, my point is to find something that makes the other things seem insignificant. If you can't seem to get past an issue, then redirect the aggravation to another one. I'm sure that if you can find a new philosophy then you'll enjoy your surroundings wherever you call home.

[finefinefine]

Joee, you should really pick a few areas that intrigue you, research like crazy, and then go drive to them. Maybe an online resource of the town will lead you to an email buddy you can meet when you go out there. Drive around in the towns, stop and observe and talk, get the local newspaper (and interpret its police blotter), check out the cemeteries, the local art galleries if there are any, the independent cafes, bars, motels (not chain places), the "nice" part of town and its opposite, the churches, the entertainment opportunities (movies? dancing? music?), the schools, the look of the kids (look like they're bored to death/all on meth..)...walk around downtown at night...spend a couple of days and nights doing things you'd just do if you lived there.

A college in town ensures there'll be "new blood," new ideas and some money flowing in.

[Upstate Dave]

Originally Posted by joee

So now i'm back to allmost square 1 again, how many times have others been down this same road i wonder.

Back to square one? ,,,, Nah... I don't think so. Seems to me your well on your way on the path YOU need to be on. What I liked most out of the large quote regarding relocating and fitting in was... "Did you ever stop to think if the new beautiful place accommodates you and what you are used to,..."

It's not an unreasonable observation that many on these forums complain about not fitting in or they made a mistake in moving based on some unrealized issue of their own.

So you are interested in living in several different places.... so what. Your journey will lead you to where you need to be as long as your honest with yourself and listen for your answers.

I honestly wasn't sure what you were looking for in some of your ealier posts, but this post has me thinking about these very same issues. Thanks.