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It's encouraging to hear that moving to Wa was worth whatever sacrifices in terms of family separation many of you had to make. I know that many "old country" cultures live in close contact with generations of their families which can clash with the American values of an adventurous, independent spirit. It's difficult to release oneself of indoctrined values. I'm conflicted by a martyr-like, self-sacrificing value system wherein the younger generation is obligated to care for the older generation. I feel that I need to repay my mother for the sacrifices she made to give me a good life. I feel like I'd be abandoning her for my own selfish need to venture out.
It's good news about the Asian presence in the PNW. About visiting during the rainy season...we visited Oregon 4 days in Feb it rained 2 days & 2 days it was lovely. The rain brings green..I love green something we don't have alot of here. I think I'll bring my mom over during the summer tho...don't want to scare her off..haha.
Thanks everyone for your stories..I feel a bit braver...Hey by the way any thoughts on Oregon vs Wash? I like the bainbridge/kitsap area of wash and Salem/Corvallis area of Or
I can relate to you in many ways. I am single, in my mid-40s, and moved back to the east coast after 20 years living on the west coast, in San Francisco and the PNW. Deep down, I knew I shouldn't move but I did out of guilt because my father is elderly, possibly getting Alzeimer's (mother is deceased). My sister is here, is the older sister, and basically the one in charge since she and my father are close. I also come from a old-world European culture where guilt is the norm. I am now about 95% certain that I will move back this Spring, probably to Olympia since I have worked in government. I even e-mailed for a fee a therapist who said I should move back. My boyfriend is also living in the PNW so that is part of the reason why I want to move back, but not the only reason. I think even more, I miss the different lifestyles; it's too rushed and too focused on money here. But I still need to make that last 5% of the decision.
Here's a related question--if you had to choose to move between Olympia or Juneau, AK, which would you choose? Anyone out there who has been to both places? Both seem to be liberal-minded places of similiar size, and good for a would-be bureaucrat. I have been to Olympia but not Juneau, yet I have become fascinated by pictures of Juneau and the fact that it looks like a friendly, walkable place (but so does Olympia!).
bye bye cali --- Follow you heart and follow your dreams or you will become bitter and that would be awful for the kids. And besides, travel is the best education you can give kids. And California and WA are very close. It's not like you'd be that far away. The grandparents can visit!
"...you will become bitter and that would be awful for the kids."
Well, yes, of course it would be -- but if you were to become bitter, the person it would destroy the most would be you. Our choices in life, whatever they may be, must be because of the joy we know we will feel because of living them. And joy is a choice.... just as bitter is....
expdxer: About Juneau: you think you have rain here??? Hahahahaha!! Southeast Alaska is just brimming with lots of rain and mosquitoes, along with all that mountain beauty! You should open the Alaska forum here on C-D, click the SEARCH button, type in Juneau, and spend a few hours reading. It would be very informative. In my experience, Juneau is extremely "small-town" compared with Olympia; the major city in AK is Anchorage, not Juneau. Juneau is male, somewhat rough. Anchorage has lots of gvmt offices and is more gentle and sophisticated than Juneau.hit
Last edited by allforcats; 12-31-2007 at 02:49 PM..
Reason: hit wrong key and closed before finishing.
allforcats said it all, really. What a wonderful post!!!
I'll only add that my husband and I left Texas to move to California for my husbands job. We have two young children and even though we didn't live with our parents, we still had some of the same feelings that you mentioned. We felt bad for separating our family and putting distance between relatives. I especially come from a very large family and many people in my family are strongly codependent type of people. many of them live together and others even living on the same street or in the same apartment complex or on the same property. It was a tough decision for me to leave, but I felt it would be a good growth experience for me, my husband, and our children.
However, we did not like California at all. It was expensive, hot, crowded, and just not what we expected at all. We were in Rocklin, CA. Every chance we could we escaped to the Sierra Nevada's... we weren't very happy there. So... to get away from all that... my husband then took a job in Oregon. Wow!!!
Oregon was amazing. Our children were so happy in Oregon, and our family experienced one amazing adventure after another. Crater Lake, Lake Waldo, the Oregon Coast, the amazing people there... every weekend it was as if we stumbled upon yet another magical experience in Oregon. It was affordable, not overly crowded, GREEN. People were concerned about the environment and their health. People smiled. People looked natural... not fake or always all "made-up". It was a very low-key relaxed environment. With all the money we were saving on rent and cost of living, we had ample opportunity to explore the area. And - with each new experience, it gave us a lot to write to our relatives back in Texas about! They were as excited as we were with each new discovery we'd come across. I kept a blog for them, so they could always check in to see picture and hear about our adventures.
My husband then took a job in Washington state. Even though we loved Oregon, he felt there would be more out here for us. Seattle was a bigger town, so he thought it was have more to offer. We didn't think it would be too much different than Oregon - being that it's only about 4 hours north. We knew it cost more to live here, but they gave him a nice fat raise to compensate for that. We thought we'd go ahead and go for it. I think a lot of people love it out here, but we really miss our life back in Oregon. For us, it was better there. We are moving back to Oregon as soon as we can.
I guess what I'd like to share with you, based on our experiences... is that if you feel in your heart that you'd like to move somewhere and experience new things and create adventures and learning opportunities for yourself and your children - you should go for it. You'll never know, really, if it's ultimately a good or bad choice until you just try.
If somebody is going to make you feel guilty for following your dreams - that's a n unhealthy sort of codependency that you don't need in your life - and your children don't need in theirs. It's a form of emotional abuse, really. Anyone that loves you should want you to be happy and should want you to pursue your life as you see fit.
You can still be a good daughter/son/family even though you don't share the same roof. And really, in our experience, we have found that we actually have more things to talk about and share with each other when we do visit throughout the year. We have letters and emails and pictures and things now that we are sharing in our family that we would never have had if we had stayed in Texas.
Moving away has not only broadened our children's lives, and our lives, but it's also exposed our relatives back home - some of which are too old to travel - to things they've never heard of or seen before.
Plus - you can always move back if things don't work out. If you never move away, you'll never know.
Bitterness...Yes I forgot about that festering kind of emotion that could grow from too much wondering "what if or what could have been" Two years...that's my answer. I gave it 5 years in this part of Calif and grew to know more about myself and what I need to be happy and what makes me unhappy. I guess I deserve two years to discover a new place both in the world and in myself? I'm beginning to see something in what Haggard and Allforcats are saying...I can love my family more as I find inner peace and happiness in myself. really...thanks everyone for your thoughtful, heartfelt answers. If everyone in the PNW is like this, I'm packing my bags right now...
Well of course, byebyecali, all of us in the PNW are kind and generous and wise and loving and giving hahahahahahaha!! People are people, everywhere, as you know -- says someone who has lived in a few countries and several states. If you stay as honest and seeking as you have been on this thread, people anywhere will cherish you. And you are so right -- the more you become within yourself, the more you have to give to those you love. And the more good stuff there is of you for others to imitate and learn from. You are so right. Joy to you!
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
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Our family never forgave us for moving THEIR grandkids away, but... they weren't great for the kids anyway, and they didn't bother spending any time to improve that.
If you have involved parents / grandparents, give them half a chance and get a place with extra space, and near a convenient airport (consider Vancouver / Camas, as CA flights from Portland airport (10 min away) are very frequent and cheap.)
Don't cater to them, but don't make it anymore difficult than necessary, and bend to enable them more access. Having a place with a guest house or apartment is very nice for visiting family, and for adding culture to your own family by hosting international visitors and students.
as far as location... depends most on work and schools, but... being 1.5 hrs from scenic OR coast, and great skiing and windsurfing, yet 30 min from the culture and benefit of city makes Vancouver / Camas more attractive. + WA is income tax free, and OR is sales tax free, but HIGH income tax. (and often poor school funding). There is a pretty broad cultural diversity and economic base in the SW WA area. Accessibility to lots of choices (recreation, educational, travel, employment) will limit your locations in each state, but there are several 'regions' that are nice. Just hard to beat 'quick'... ~ 15 minute commutes for work school, sports, culture and 1 hr to major recreation will avail lots more time for being WITH your family, rather than expense of time and fuel in 'shuttling' to and fro...
The Columbia Gorge is very nice too, a bit windy tonight... ~ 50 mph, but the stars and clouds are pretty.
as far as caring for 'older' generation... I was greeted with 'elder' care on my 18th B-day, it lasted for 32 yrs, but we coped with a single income and also while farming and homeschooling (plus working). I'm not a very good example of an 'independent' NW'r, as I have a 'prairie' work / social ethic (die on the sword...). Life happens and sometimes it takes a (huge) personal sacrifice to care for the needs of others. You have a value set that you cannot abandon, just deal with it while making necessary changes to give your family growth, but don't compromise your core values, nor accept someone else's ideals. Know your own heart, and you will not be confused, but realize we all have to 'stretch', or life would be very bland. You can find a solution that will be good for everyone, it just may not be BEST for YOU or your FOLKS. Give the kids and parents a chance to grow. You will thank yourself as you get into eldercare, which is very similar to infant care, just more emotional...and you will need to toughen up to get 'seasoned' as you will be called to act on VERY important decisions for your ailing parent. (hint... they will not always be happy with your choices...)
We kind of did the opposite, which was to retire from SoCal and move to OR while two of our kids remained down there; one married and the other in college. Now she's going to college in AZ. Our third one goes to high school here but still thinks of SoCal as 'home'.
It was a difficult decision for us but in the long run we are better off in OR. Our kids would love to live here but the job opportunities ain't there for them. There are ways to cope. Ours was to buy an Airstream so we can take it down there for extended visits. They come to us twice a year for a week. Not perfect but then again, what is?
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can relate
People looked natural... not fake or always all "made-up". It was a very low-key relaxed environment. With all the money we were saving on rent and cost of living, we had ample opportunity to explore the area. And - with each new experience, it gave us a lot to write to our relatives back in Texas about! They were as excited as we were with each new discovery we'd come across. I kept a blog for them, so they could always check in to see picture and hear about our adventures.
)
