U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships > Weddings
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 01-03-2015, 06:23 PM
 
Location: NoVa
18,434 posts, read 31,921,428 times
Reputation: 19755

Advertisements

Oh goodness. I have a huge family and am trying to keep the list down and it is hard. I want a few nieces there but I don't need to have all of my nieces and nephews there.

Some of my cousins I would love to have, but others it doesn't matter.

I don't want to hurt feelings but I also don't want to spend a fortune!

The list is not horrible. When I add the people on who I would like to have but don't necessarily care one way or the other it comes up to 65.

The problem with that is that list includes no ones children, and there are a lot of children!

Is anyone else having an issue with the guest list?

There will be no "and guest" on my invitations. I will include their fiance or serious bf/gf, butother than that, they can be single.

This is stressful!

I have one more venue to look at and then I will make that decision.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 01-04-2015, 04:19 PM
 
1,637 posts, read 2,903,118 times
Reputation: 2735
I have a rule. If I haven't talked to you in over a year, you probably don't need to come to my wedding.

A no children wedding is fine. I'm doing it. You'll need to accept that this will make some people unable/unwilling to go. If you are worried about this, you could possibly hire a few babysitters during the wedding hours if you really think this will help.

I have a cousin getting married who I haven't seen since I was 6, I'm 25 now. I'm not upset. Would I even go if she invited me? Maybe. I have nothing against her, I just haven't been close with that side in quite some time.

65 isn't "tiny", but still intimate. Stick to your guns and you are likely going to upset people regardless of you inviting everyone or no one. Weddings are MUCH more expensive than they used to be. My fiance and I are pretty much going bare bones because we hate weddings (I actually am still considering eloping or a parents only ceremony) and would prefer to spend our money on our first home.

Be happy!
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-04-2015, 08:17 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
19,407 posts, read 21,487,343 times
Reputation: 50421
When I was getting married I had a semi-guideline for who to invite to my wedding.

I pretended that I was going to take the guest or couple out for a meal and pick up the tab (which is what invited them to your wedding really means).

For some people I would be delighted to take them to dinner and pick up the tab of $25 or $50 or $100 or $200 (or whatever it ends up being per person at your wedding). For other people I would definitely think twice about spending that amount of money on that person/couple.

That was one reason why we only invited couples (married, engaged or in a long term relationship) rather just a lot of single people with random "plus ones". In addition, all of the single guests knew several other people also invited to the wedding. I was happy to buy Jenny's long term boyfriend a $100 evening of a meal, drinks and dancing but I drew the line at spending $100 for some random date that someone decided to bring, who I would never see again in my life. But, that's me others may disagree.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-05-2015, 07:15 AM
 
Location: NoVa
18,434 posts, read 31,921,428 times
Reputation: 19755
Thanks guys. I decided to cut out all cousins because I would want some there but not others, then worried about the others being upset because they weren't invited.

I decided having them there would not make/break my day. I was questioning nieces and nephews. I knew there were some that I really wanted there but others could come or not. There were less on that list that could come or not than on the cousin list.

Then I came over the hurdle of children. Most all of my nieces and nephews have children. I don't mind having kids at the wedding but I do not want to have to pay caterer costs for the same meal as an adult. I don't know how that works.

For instance, if we were having steak for example, I do not want a piece of steak going to waste on a plate while a little kid is running around and playing. I would like a separate menu for the kids. Some of them are grown up enough for me to have adult food for them, however.

Gosh my family is so big........ There will be a couple of people that I know cannot make it but I am compelled to invite them either way.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-05-2015, 08:01 AM
 
Location: My House
34,823 posts, read 32,811,822 times
Reputation: 26174
Caterers charge less for kids. Just fyi.
__________________
When in doubt, check it out: FAQ
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-05-2015, 08:34 AM
 
Location: Hampton Roads
3,032 posts, read 4,301,983 times
Reputation: 4414
My caterer makes 2 kids = 1 adult. Not sure about your caterer, but I felt like that seemed pretty fair!

My guest list is crazy in that I am sending invitations to people I don't want there who I also know won't come, just to make my mom happy. I have cousins I could care less for, don't want them around, and think they're good-for-nothing people who I am certain stole 70K from my grandmother. But I like their mom (my mom's sister).... so I will invite them thinking there is no way they'd actually show up? LOL!
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-06-2015, 04:25 PM
 
Location: NoVa
18,434 posts, read 31,921,428 times
Reputation: 19755
I was talking to a friend of mine today who said they are inviting a bunch of people they know wont come but will be upset if they weren't invited.

I know that if I do something like that.....they will come! Like with my cousins. They would all be there. I just have to not invite them.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-07-2015, 10:55 AM
 
Location: NY
9,131 posts, read 17,393,426 times
Reputation: 11673
We did a small wedding, with 60 some guests invited. Just close relatives and friends. In doing this, we also decided to invite people's kids too, since a lot of our close family had kids of some age.

Really however, I think we had just two couples bring kids anyway. Most of the others felt going to our wedding was a good opportunity for them to have a "date night." The kids we had were fun (dancing, being silly, etc) and we did not mind that as we did not want it to be an overly formal affair anyway. (We originally were going to do an outdoor BBQ reception, but ended up chosing March for the wedding and weather would in no way cooperate with that).

I have a daughter, but would not be insulted if someone invited me to an adults only wedding either.

Just prep your guest list with who you want there! It's your day! Don't feel "obligated" either way with the kids.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-07-2015, 12:15 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
19,407 posts, read 21,487,343 times
Reputation: 50421
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pikantari View Post
I was talking to a friend of mine today who said they are inviting a bunch of people they know wont come but will be upset if they weren't invited.

I know that if I do something like that.....they will come! Like with my cousins. They would all be there. I just have to not invite them.
She may have meant people like elderly relatives (perhaps a grandmother), or a very close relative (brother or uncle) that lives in different country. Yes, they really need to be invited, and would feel hurt if they were not invited, but there would be very little chance that they would actually be able to attend.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-08-2015, 10:21 AM
 
530 posts, read 594,475 times
Reputation: 499
When we got married we made the wedding and we could not afford to invite the children of guests. My husband's cousin was outraged and has remained so for close to 4 decades. No big deal since he has always felt that he is better than most of the people on earth anyway. His daughter was 3 1/2 at the time and was very spoiled. At another wedding, she ran around on the dance floor showing off to the crowd and I thought it was obnoxious. A wedding is not a playground. All of our friends understood the no children rule and there were no hard feelings at all from that quarter.

Be very careful when you are making up your guest list. No one can tell you what to do or how to spend your money but I can relate to those who would be overlooked because close to two years ago my daughter's brother-in-law got married and we were not invited to the wedding even though we see them on many occasions during the year. I don't necessarily blame them because the cost of the wedding was supposedly shared between both sets of parents and the couple themselves. As such, my daughter's mother-in-law should have been the one to decide who was on her list. We were obviously left out. They also did not invite my son and his wife and that is uncomfortable because they also attend many family occasions during the year. It would have been so lovely had we all been included. Not only were they not included but my daughter asked my son to come to the wedding directly after the ceremony and pick up her son who was the ring bearer but the couple did not want to have him at the party. My son did the favor for his sister (he and his wife also watched my daughter's other child that day). I thought it was particularly awful to have to show up to get the baby but my son did his sister the favor. Bravo to him!

Money was totally no object at this affair but I thought that we should have been included before the friends list was made up. It would have been the right thing to do.
I can tell you that I will always feel funny about this and no, I am not losing sleep over it. It is a measure of the class of these people. Some people have class and some people don't.

I had the occasion last spring when my daughter had a party and her sister-in-law's mother met me and told me she had probably met me at the wedding, to tell her that indeed, we had not been invited and frankly it surprised me. She was in shock and then recovered her composure and said we could be friends (ha!) and told me to friend them on facebook. Not only did she not friend me back but neither did her husband who appeared quite friendly at the party. I know she must have been totally embarrassed about what happened but frankly, for the first time in my life, I didn't care. I have always kept these sorts of things to myself and never confronted anyone over anything so it was liberating for me.

That's the wedding list story for me. I suppose that if someone is not important in your life, do not invite them. If you are not sure what to do about a particular person(s), think about the consequences down the line. Is the invitation or lack thereof going to cause any hard feelings for anyone? Does it matter?

Weddings are stressful to say the least and the things that are said and done leading up to and including these occasions are often remembered forever. Try to have fun during this time and best of luck to you!
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships > Weddings

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2021, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top