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Location: Stuck on the East Coast, hoping to head West
4,640 posts, read 11,938,904 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by randomlikeme
There is 12,000 coming out from a joint account from the dad/the mom.
This leaves $6,000. No one has said the $6,000 is HIS money, but I am guessing the $6,000 is coming out of a joint savings account that dad/the stepmom both contribute to where if SHE would mention doing some of the things she would want with THEIR savings - he would say no, not now or absolutely not. But she can't really say that to him or she is the evil-stepmother so she comes here to vent about it. I say this as someone who has lived off of little and now makes much, much more - no amount of money ever feels like enough. You adjust your lifestyle accordingly to your new salary and get used to it.
There is also NO reason why the $6,000 out of pocket must be supplied by him/the step mom without anything from the mother. One side supplies 3, the other supplies 3.
I still think TWENTY-TWO year old kids can have a dang-nice wedding on $12K in their area, I bet.
OR --
what is so wrong with saying -
12K comes from the joint accoint (6K dad/6K mom) and anything else over that comes from daughter/future hubby and then they can have the wedding when they save to have the wedding they want?
Just because they have it doesn't mean they have it to give away. All it takes is one emergency, one lay off, one something.
A wedding is ONE day. And there are so many ways to cut costs that you CAN have a beautiful wedding for a budget of 12K unless you live in a DC/NY/NJ/high COL area. I got 90% of my decor at yard sales or recycled/repurposed old things.
You don't need a 5k dress, a 4K photographer, a 10K venue to have a lovely day. It is buying into the industry of it all.
I was no less married than my cousin who had the 30K wedding. Probably more married since I'm not divorced.
But I don't think this is about money. No matter the amount; I don't think the step-mom is going to be okay with this.
I know this is a long thread and I don't expect everyone to read it all. But when you post comments that prove you haven't read them all to know the whole story, the statements mean nothing.
And at the end of the day, it isn't all about the money. It's about expectations, entitlement, and fairness. And in our case, I think we are paying more than our fair share.
But I don't think this is about money. No matter the amount; I don't think the step-mom is going to be okay with this.
I don't think it's about the money so much either as it is the ex-wife wants the dad to pay for a higher percentage because he left her. Sounds like she hasn't gotten over that or gotten to a place where she doesn't feel he owes them. It seems like the dad left her, but not the kids and she uses money to get back at him.
There's no reason why the remainder can't be split evenly amongst each side.
I don't think it's about the money so much either as it is the ex-wife wants the dad to pay for a higher percentage because he left her. Sounds like she hasn't gotten over that or gotten to a place where she doesn't feel he owes them. It seems like the dad left her, but not the kids and she uses money to get back at him.
There's no reason why the remainder can't be split evenly amongst each side.
Bingo. She's been punishing him financially for years and it continues. This is the woman who drug the divorce out over 5 years and basically wore him down to the point he would do anything to get away from her. Either she got everything, or she wouldn't sign. So he walked away from everything. THAT is how wretched she is and how bad he wanted out. It had nothing to do with another woman, etc.
Bingo. She's been punishing him financially for years and it continues. This is the woman who drug the divorce out over 5 years and basically wore him down to the point he would do anything to get away from her. Either she got everything, or she wouldn't sign. So he walked away from everything. THAT is how wretched she is and how bad he wanted out. It had nothing to do with another woman, etc.
And all you are doing to your husband is sticking his face in the poop, so to speak as a result of this...
So his ex is a real beyotch, you married into this dynamic, why are you making him feel bad over it?
He can't compel his ex to contribute to her daughters wedding. You can't expect him to not contribute anything to his daughters wedding, or only contribute if she does...
You are being petty and if you were my wife, we would be having major words over this jealous and controlling attitude you are showing. Me thinks that if this was your daughter and he was pulling something like this, you would be livid
I don't get why people think that at six figures $6K is a drop in the pan. It was outrageous until she added the figures in that each earns. Even then, no parent should have to get a second job to afford a wedding for their child and at 21 with no life experience outside of a bubble yet and demanding an arbitrary high number from her parents so she has what she WANTS not what she NEEDS, hate to say it - you almost might as well take a match to 18K.
Why not just tell her - here is your 12K to plan the wedding and as your dad, I will buy your dress but your budget is 3 or 4K. If you spend less on your dress, you can put the rest towards whatever you want for the wedding (his ring, your ring, photographer, whatever!)
I think it is hard to be giving towards someone who is unappreciative and expectant of it.
I sure as heck wouldn't be able to ask my dad for $6K for a wedding/reception which is more of a luxury item than a need. I wrestled with that for a while and went for the wedding/reception over JOP because my grandmas are 90. there was no expectation of contribution from anyone but ourselves since we were old enough to get married!
^^^^This.
When it's not your money, you don't have a right to expect others to pay for what you want, when you want it. I don't care if parents would need to take out a loan or have $18,000 in change under the sofa cushions, it's the daughter's ungrateful and demanding attitude, enabled by her parents.
I don't see this on the new wife at all; the girl is obviously a spoiled little assclown and that is her mom & dad's fault, therefore both should pay, not just the dad. The ex is the one who doesn't want to pay for anything. I don't think that's fair.
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there was no expectation of contribution from anyone but ourselves since we were old enough to get married!
