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My wedding cost less than the 6K you're giving them, so I am sure that you could each give them 2K and they will learn how to BUDGET.
This was my venue, too, before tables/chairs were moved in, so it's not like anyone other than myself and my husband knew our whole wedding was under 6K - I was just a great DIY'er and didn't have a ton to do to make our space look amazing.
My wedding cost less than the 6K you're giving them, so I am sure that you could each give them 2K and they will learn how to BUDGET.
This was my venue, too, before tables/chairs were moved in, so it's not like anyone other than myself and my husband knew our whole wedding was under 6K - I was just a great DIY'er and didn't have a ton to do to make our space look amazing.
That is a beautiful venue!
You're all preaching to the choir here. I can voice my opinion & thoughts to my husband, but at the end of the day it's not MY call. Even her mother (who loves nothing better than sucking extra money out of my husband for any reason) thinks they should wait. It's absolutely ridiculous for her to expect mom & dad to pay for a big wedding right now, just because she wants it. But, this is what we are dealing with.
I will say one thing.....she's obviously selected the right guy for her husband. He never says a word, goes along with whatever she wants, and stares at the floor while everyone else talks. If he can put up with her wishes & demands & attitudes, then they are the perfect match!
Actually it's very simple..Just tell her and her husband to be that hey..Get married..no probe..But the costs will have to be YOUR (their) problem..IF they don't have any credit rating in order to borrow to do it..Maybe a JP cerimony is in order..keep it simple type thing...
Children need to learn the parent's coffers do NOT have a bottomless pt...ENOUGH
Actually..the mere fact she EXPECTS it is what troublesome....Did no parental education occur during her upbringing?? Costs..ability to pay and responsibility to those who encure those costs??
It's a no brainer...She need s JP wedding...then down the road when THEY can afford it..have a re-dedicatios//confirmation of vows paid by their OWN $$$
I'm just SMH mainly because any child would actually have any expectation of such???
Amen. That's what I'm talking about. She's a spoiled princess, never had to work for and pay for anything herself (until she got an internship this summer), and has mastered the art of playing her parents against each other to get her way. Her mom is better at saying No than her dad is, unfortunately. And that affects My house, MY kids, MY bank account.
And I don't mean to sound like we have no money. We do, but it's tied up in investments for future college expenses, retirement, emergencies, etc. We like to keep a certain amount of CASH savings, too. We're dipping into cash this year for moving expenses and other out-of-pocket costs that come with a brand new house (window treatments, rugs, etc.) We skipped a family vacation this year because we knew the house expenses were coming. We didn't send the girls to camp this summer for the same reason. You set priorities for spending, and you do without some things to get other things. That's the way it works! A lesson this 21 year old needs to learn....real fast.
It's absolutely ridiculous for her to expect mom & dad to pay for a big wedding right now, just because she wants it.
Few people with a shred of rational thought would disagree with you.
Brides-to-be rarely fall into that category.
Quote:
I will say one thing.....she's obviously selected the right guy for her husband. He never says a word, goes along with whatever she wants, and stares at the floor while everyone else talks. If he can put up with her wishes & demands & attitudes, then they are the perfect match!
Most smart men know that their role in wedding planning is to agree as strongly and quickly as possible with whatever the bride-to-be is saying at a given time. Few men have much say in anything regarding the wedding. I blame parents and the incessant wedding "industry" that preys on one of the most easily manipulated market segments that have ever existed.
My own cynical views aside though, it sounds like you really dislike your step children. I'd try to resolve that if I were you. It's hard enough for step parents to gain any favor whatsoever in the family, but being a spiteful step parent makes it impossible to be accepted as part of the family.
I just wonder where this magical I need 18000 to have what I want comes into play?
For me, that was never a number that seemed anywhere realistic.
Honestly, I would be very frustrated at your husband if I were in your shoes, because even 6 grand is quite a gift! I wouldn't give more than you feel comfortable with and certainly no more than you would give any of the children in the same circumstances.
I don't dislike my step children at all. I dislike this behavior. I dislike it when my own daughters pull this crap. I'm frustrated with my husband for putting up with it. He talks a big game, but usually caves when it comes right down to it.
Maybe I should just change my attitude & let this work in my favor. "Honey, we really need a new sofa & I love this one from Pottery Barn. It's only $1500 and we'll have it for years." If he says we can't afford it, I'll gently remind him of how much we're spending on the wedding. ��
I'm mainly here to vent, as I know I'm not in control of this situation. Thanks for letting me vent!
He should not allow his kids to disrespect you. That would be a red flag in my book.
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