Does the bride get to set the wedding date no matter what? (wear, party)
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She's very direct & disrespects a lot of people, but everyone in their family seems to just blow it off and say "oh she doesn't mean it. That's just Bxccx."
She said a couple of very hurtful things to me when I was pregnant with her little bother. Like "aren't you worried about it having Down's syndrome or something, since you're so OLD to be having a baby?" I had to leave the room & cry. But Dad said "oh she wasn't trying to hurt your feelings, she's just concerned."
"aren't you worried about it having Down's syndrome or something, since you're so OLD to be having a baby?"
That is hateful! I am sorry you had to deal with it! The sad thing is it is just her being her as long as people are willing to accept that! And it is awful!
I understand needing a place to vent and I don't think that you are out-of-line with thinking that it is just too much. I wish I could show her you can have a beautiful wedding on less than $6K. I think my total including my dress, food/alcohol for 100 folks, venue (a gift from my brother but I am still including it in the total that we spent on our wedding), photographer, day-of-coordinator, DJ, transportation in a sweet vintage Buick limo and overall paid about $5700. We put aside $200 a month for a year and a half for our wedding. The only thing we did was his parents had a lot of "have to have this person here" so we made them pay for the extra if we didn't know that person at all (which they gladly did since the only other thing would have been absolutely no - not in our budget) and my mother in law wanted to select the favors so I said, "fine - if you're buying!" (her taste is more expensive than mine. I was jsut going to give out cheap teal mesh bags with a couple of pieces of salt water taffy in them. she selected sea shell wine glasses)
She's very direct & disrespects a lot of people, but everyone in their family seems to just blow it off and say "oh she doesn't mean it. That's just Bxccx."
She said a couple of very hurtful things to me when I was pregnant with her little bother. Like "aren't you worried about it having Down's syndrome or something, since you're so OLD to be having a baby?" I had to leave the room & cry. But Dad said "oh she wasn't trying to hurt your feelings, she's just concerned."
I'm sorry. That's like emotional abuse; I hope your husband isn't abusive also. Because that's a dealbreaker for me.
On the positive side, she really ADORES her little bro (my son). She really loves him & he loves her, too. And she's in college 3 hours away, so she's not around a lot.
I just wonder where this magical I need 18000 to have what I want comes into play?
For me, that was never a number that seemed anywhere realistic.
Honestly, I would be very frustrated at your husband if I were in your shoes, because even 6 grand is quite a gift! I wouldn't give more than you feel comfortable with and certainly no more than you would give any of the children in the same circumstances.
I have known a number of young couples who have gotten married in recent years and in every single case there were always last minute unexpected expenses that came up in the last month or two before the wedding.
Sometimes, it was one whole category of expenses that the couple did not realize that they would have. My nephew, did not realize when they signed the contract for the venue that the estimate did not include tables and chairs (or some ridiculous thing like that).
I know a bride who budgeted $400 to $500 for her wedding dress and then fell hopelessly in love with a $5,000 dress. Even if that does not happen, brides often forget to budget for alterations, which may cost a few hundred dollars on a wedding dress, appropriate undergarments, shoes, hair & make-up, mani & pedi, etc.
Another bride that I know did a number of very minor (or so it seemed at the time) upgrades over the time that they were planning their wedding. Slightly larger centerpieces (something like two or three extra flowers), a fancier coffee and dessert bar after the dance, a slightly more expensive DJ, a slightly longer reception, etc. They were shocked when it added up to (something like) $5,000 or $6,000 extra to the total bill.
I know a bride who budgeted $400 to $500 for her wedding dress and then fell hopelessly in love with a $5,000 dress.
This is the problem, brides-to-be fall "hopelessly in love" with every damn thing they see in a wedding magazine. The wedding industry is very, very good at making money off of these things.
You're all preaching to the choir here. I can voice my opinion & thoughts to my husband, but at the end of the day it's not MY call. Even her mother (who loves nothing better than sucking extra money out of my husband for any reason) thinks they should wait. It's absolutely ridiculous for her to expect mom & dad to pay for a big wedding right now, just because she wants it. But, this is what we are dealing with.
I will say one thing.....she's obviously selected the right guy for her husband. He never says a word, goes along with whatever she wants, and stares at the floor while everyone else talks. If he can put up with her wishes & demands & attitudes, then they are the perfect match!
So why are both parents letting her call the shots then? No way in hell I'd let my child decide how much I was going to contribute to her wedding. She'd accept whatever money I offered and have to plan the day around that.
So why are both parents letting her call the shots then? No way in hell I'd let my child decide how much I was going to contribute to her wedding. She'd accept whatever money I offered and have to plan the day around that.
That's the million dollar question!
And I'll tell you where the $18k came from. It came from her pricing out the church she wants, the reception venue she wants, the food she wants, the music she wants, etc, etc, adding it up and voila...$18-20k. That was the extent of the "budgeting" and it's her parents' fault for not setting the budget early on. And she DID ask. But DH pulled his usual.....ignored the subject in hopes it would go away! And my fear is exactly what you've said....there are alllways things that creep up that blow the budget. Just like this house we've built. There's always something. So I know if she thinks it can be done for $18k, it will end up being more like 22k. If they want to pay 18k, they need to get budget down to 14 or 15.
I'm just pissed off that a 21 yr old is calling the shots with regards to this. It's been thrust upon me, due to the parents' inability to tell her know, and if I try to say "hold on here....WTF are we doing???" Then I look like the wicked stepmother. I really can't win. But maybe I can help limit the damage.
That amount would buy a good new car. I would have to put my foot down. That's your money too, right? Do you work? Is this money partly yours? Tell your husband he can give her half of that amount, that you are not funding this outrageous wedding. Her mother will probably agree with you.
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