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Exactly, the groom is irrelevant. Plus the couple is going get money back in the envelopes from guests attending. So they should pay for their own wedding. Grooms can have an input of what they want for the wedding also because it isn't just the brides day it is the grooms day also. The money is saved for the girl , yes, but there is the case that the groom takes advantage of that money. Grooms need to remember that her parents are not his parents. They are in laws to him meaning he is lessor precedence than the wife. His true parents are his parents.
You win the prize for most contradictions in a single paragraph!
What I feel like you're doing here is something that actually isn't very good for a relationship at all: keeping score and saying my family vs. her family, her family not my real family.
Well it is true the wife's parents are not the grooms biological parents. They didn't give birth to him or raise them. The groom has to ask her parents if he could marry the daughter. He is coming as an outsider. And groom always have their opinions of things and will not always agree with his wife's parents.
Same here... long time ago!
Since then we have helped our kids with their weddings in the same manner
We were privileged that they allowed us to help fund their special days. They made all the decisions - after all, it WAS their wedding, not ours.
Let's put this to a test. Let's say when one of your daughters was engaged to get married and her fiancée went up to you and said that he is not wanting for you to pay for the wedding . He would say that if you want to buy him and your daughter a gift like China dishes from the gift registry that that is fine but that he wants to pay for the wedding with his own money and her own money. What would you do then?
Unlikely scenario.... extremely unlikely on several counts:
1) No guy that I know would refuse unrestricted cash and ask for dishes instead.
2) Kids nowadays do not want China.
3) In my experience with my kids, they used their savings towards a house. That was smarter then refusing a monetary gift and paying that much more for their wedding.
4) My daughter's money towards her wedding WAS our money. We saved up for it for a long time. It was hers to use as she saw fit.
Unlikely scenario.... extremely unlikely on several counts:
1) No guy that I know would refuse unrestricted cash and ask for dishes instead.
2) Kids nowadays do not want China.
3) In my experience with my kids, they used their savings towards a house. That was smarter then refusing a monetary gift and paying that much more for their wedding.
4) My daughter's money towards her wedding WAS our money. We saved up for it for a long time. It was hers to use as she saw fit.
1) I disagree, there are guys who would decline parents paying for the wedding because they feel that they are adult enough to pay for their own wedding and future.
2) what do kids want then? Free rides for everything? Why not China or something from the gift registry?
3) in my experience I had a house before I got married where I prepared myself before bringing someone into my life. And my wife and I am saving for a bigger house now. And we are doing it so number 3 is not always true. That is like a booster rocket. Plus you have all of your life for a house. What's the hurry???
4) ok it was your daughters money but going back if let's say your daughter was engaged to a guy who said he didn't want for YOU to pay for the wedding that he wants to pay with his own money and your daughter save up and pay. What would you do then???
1) I disagree, there are guys who would decline parents paying for the wedding because they feel that they are adult enough to pay for their own wedding and future.
2) what do kids want then? Free rides for everything? Why not China or something from the gift registry?
3) in my experience I had a house before I got married where I prepared myself before bringing someone into my life. And my wife and I am saving for a bigger house now. And we are doing it so number 3 is not always true. That is like a booster rocket. Plus you have all of your life for a house. What's the hurry???
4) ok it was your daughters money but going back if let's say your daughter was engaged to a guy who said he didn't want for YOU to pay for the wedding that he wants to pay with his own money and your daughter save up and pay. What would you do then???
There are people out there that show that the can succeed without third party help
It's not so much about succeeding without third-party help, it's about accepting a gift in order to contribute to the celebration of the union of a couple and of joining two families together. There's no need to be territorial about everything.
There are people out there that show that the can succeed without third party help
Have your parents done anything for you, ever? If so, you had third party help. But of course, I will hear back a reply using your logic that will basically state, "NO! My parents did nothing for me except give birth to me! I did it ALL myself so that way my fiance's parents have nothing to hold over me and when my wife and I get into a fight i can say i did it all myself."
My parents submitted a FAFSA based upon their income so I could get student loans. That help enabled me to go to college. Without that, it never would have happened. Had they not been middle-classed, I might have had to go to work at McDonald's to help them, but I didn't. Even though they didn't give me money or pay off my student loans afterward, they gave me the access to it and therefore, an access to the better life I would have had. I had third party help to get to where I am today and am not ashamed.
Most people have had help or received a gift. No need to feel superior because you didn't.
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