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Exactly, the groom is irrelevant. Plus the couple is going get money back in the envelopes from guests attending. So they should pay for their own wedding. Grooms can have an input of what they want for the wedding also because it isn't just the brides day it is the grooms day also. The money is saved for the girl , yes, but there is the case that the groom takes advantage of that money. Grooms need to remember that her parents are not his parents. They are in laws to him meaning he is lessor precedence than the wife. His true parents are his parents.
Don't count on that. I know people think if they spend 50K on a wedding they'll get it back in cash and gifts -- but that's not the reason you have a wedding, and it's not the truth in a lot of cases.
Don't count on that. I know people think if they spend 50K on a wedding they'll get it back in cash and gifts -- but that's not the reason you have a wedding, and it's not the truth in a lot of cases.
I highly doubt we will receive nearly as much in gifts as we spent on the day, but we were able to put money into the wedding we wanted and do it all debt free (except I did six month free financing on my wedding band). It is not about cash and gifts, but I think it will be a nice day to look back on when there are struggles to be able to say, "Think about how many people believed in us and supported us... we can get through anything..."
Guys should really think about if they truly want for their future in laws to pay for the wedding because sometimes it could get messy. Men are supposed to be the breadwinner and head of the household and letting the future in laws pay for the wedding could make the in laws control your life. Remember the wife is taking your last name , not the other way around. That shows that the man will let the in laws run his,life.
The wife does not need to take the husband's name. I'm been married almost 40 years and still have my birth name.
A husband can take his wife's last name, or they can hyphenate it or they can choose a totally new last name or the wife can add the husband's last name as a middle name and the husband can take his wife's last name as a middle name (as my son & DIL and many of their friends did).
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rick roll n fly
Why can't mean have more of a backbone and take initiative to plan a future with their spouse instead of taking a free ride from the future in laws? Men are supposed to be breadwinners and taking money for a wedding that shows that they are weak in running a future family
Who says the men are "supposed to be the breadwinners"?
Exactly, the groom is irrelevant. [b]Plus the couple is going get money back in[/B] the envelopes from guests attending. So they should pay for their own wedding.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tallysmom
Don't count on that. I know people think if they spend 50K on a wedding they'll get it back in cash and gifts -- but that's not the reason you have a wedding, and it's not the truth in a lot of cases.
One of my relatives spend $50,000 on their wedding. From reading between the lines of things that the family said I suspect that the couple received about $5,000 in gifts and money.
I know another young couple whose wedding cost about $25,000. And I believe that they also received about $5,000 in gifts and money.
Both were wonderful weddings where the bride & groom and the guests had a lot of fun.
Frankly, when I am purchasing a wedding gift I have absolutely no idea if the bride will be wearing a $200 or a $2,000 or a $10,000 wedding dress. I don't know if they will be spending $500 or $5,000 on flowers at the wedding or if they will have a fancy ten piece orchestra, or a DJ or just an IPod playing music at their reception. So why are so many couples under the mistaken impression that the more that you spend for your
wedding the more that you will receive in wedding gifts?
One of my relatives spend $50,000 on their wedding. From reading between the lines of things that the family said I suspect that the couple received about $5,000 in gifts and money.
I know another young couple whose wedding cost about $25,000. And I believe that they also received about $5,000 in gifts and money.
Both were wonderful weddings where the bride & groom and the guests had a lot of fun.
Frankly, when I am purchasing a wedding gift I have absolutely no idea if the bride will be wearing a $200 or a $2,000 or a $10,000 wedding dress. I don't know if they will be spending $500 or $5,000 on flowers at the wedding or if they will have a fancy ten piece orchestra, or a DJ or just an IPod playing music at their reception. So why are so many couples under the mistaken impression that the more that you spend for your
wedding the more that you will receive in wedding gifts?
After hearing this from a large number of friends who complained they spent X and only got back Y, here's what I think. So many of my friends read tons of those gawd-awful bridal magazines, and got brainwashed.
I learned from those magazines that absolutely EVERYONE would be SO thrilled at our getting married, that they would do everything in their power to help us create the perfect day. So ask EVERYONE to help you create it. Yeah...no. People have their own lives to lead, and the whole world doesn't stop because you're getting married.
I learned from those magazines that people are giving extravagant gifts for every one of the 10 wedding showers and whole sets of expensive china that you will never use for wedding gifts. Yeah...no. There's a whole lot of people who still feel a shower is a small gift and a wedding is a larger gift and no matter how much I love you, I'm not going to sacrifice my budget for a gift that in two years you're going to be selling to finance your divorce.
I can still remember the sting when a friend complained that no one got her anything good for her shower.... as we were out on her boat yet another weekend, using yet again the wonderful party ball I bought for her (it was a round picnic basket that held a set of nice melamine plates, bowls, cups and silverware and linens). I let it go, and I was glad I did, because a while later I discovered why she was so bitter. Her father had talked down the groom badly to everyone in her family and claimed the marriage wouldn't last a month and her shower gifts were the best of the lot.... her wedding gifts mainly were $5's in cards and straw brooms.... and that was the first time I heard the we spent X on the wedding and we only got Y.
After hearing this from a large number of friends who complained they spent X and only got back Y, here's what I think. So many of my friends read tons of those gawd-awful bridal magazines, and got brainwashed.
I learned from those magazines that absolutely EVERYONE would be SO thrilled at our getting married, that they would do everything in their power to help us create the perfect day. So ask EVERYONE to help you create it. Yeah...no. People have their own lives to lead, and the whole world doesn't stop because you're getting married.
I learned from those magazines that people are giving extravagant gifts for every one of the 10 wedding showers and whole sets of expensive china that you will never use for wedding gifts. Yeah...no. There's a whole lot of people who still feel a shower is a small gift and a wedding is a larger gift and no matter how much I love you, I'm not going to sacrifice my budget for a gift that in two years you're going to be selling to finance your divorce.
I can still remember the sting when a friend complained that no one got her anything good for her shower.... as we were out on her boat yet another weekend, using yet again the wonderful party ball I bought for her (it was a round picnic basket that held a set of nice melamine plates, bowls, cups and silverware and linens). I let it go, and I was glad I did, because a while later I discovered why she was so bitter. Her father had talked down the groom badly to everyone in her family and claimed the marriage wouldn't last a month and her shower gifts were the best of the lot.... her wedding gifts mainly were $5's in cards and straw brooms.... and that was the first time I heard the we spent X on the wedding and we only got Y.
And the marriage was over in a couple of years.
I'm so glad you wrote this because I feel the same. But imo, it's not just the magazines. I think on wedding message boards and websites, the women talking about their wedding gifts/cash often inflate the amount and so no one is getting a "real" picture of what wedding gifts are actually like.
I'm so glad you wrote this because I feel the same. But imo, it's not just the magazines. I think on wedding message boards and websites, the women talking about their wedding gifts/cash often inflate the amount and so no one is getting a "real" picture of what wedding gifts are actually like.
Another thing is that wedding guests in some parts of the country (high COL areas) usually give much more expensive gifts and in other parts of the country the usual gifts may be less. Or brides are posting that they got a $2,000 check (or some random number) from Uncle Joe but don't mention that almost all of their other gifts/checks were in the $50 to $75 range. Other brides & grooms may start thinking that they are going to get a lot of $2,000 checks, too.
Another thing, if many of your guests are college students or new graduates just starting out with low paying jobs your gifts are probably not going to be as large as if most of your guests are making six figure incomes.
It does not matter to your wedding guest, who is making $9 an hour at Target, if you are paying for a $1,000 wedding or a $100,000 wedding she is suddenly not able to afford a wedding gift that is 100 times more expensive.
Plan your wedding for what you can afford and do not expect to get the same amount in wedding gifts and cash.
Yep -- I had one person give me a set of mugs from the glass plant where she worked. But, I was happy to see those, and thanked her graciously, because those mugs? If she paid for those, that was money she could have used to feed her family. And if they were free? She still made an effort she didn't have to make for us. (we had a small family wedding -- we did get lots of gifts from people who weren't invited)
My husband was a twenty-one-year-old new college graduate and I was a twenty-year-old beginning my junior year when we married. Yes, our parents paid for our wedding. I don't think either one of us has any reason to feel guilty for accepting their generosity.
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