Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Im a woman, but I want to add my opinion. I would never expect a man to spend thousands on a ring. I can think of a million other ways to use that kind of money.
My husband and I discussed this when we were talking about getting engaged. We came up with a budget together on what we should each spend. And I have to say, my ring is absolutely beautiful and only costed $400
Many people are very sentimental with their jewelry as it's something they someday hope to pass down to their kids, grandkids, etc. A lady comes in twice a year to buy Levian, so she'll have a piece to leave each of her granddaughters when she passes. And like I said, the big spenders usually pay cash or check. These people are not hurting for money or starting out life in debt. You can't take it with you is what they tell us.
I like that-- "you can't take it with you"-- so why not do what makes you happy?
When my ex and I got married, we'd already been together a long time, and it was just kind of a formality. I didn't even really want to get married, but it meant something to him, and at the time it seemed like the right thing to do. We went down to the courthouse in our jeans with a friend as a witness and then ate at Ihop on the way home.
I did say I didn't want to waste any money or do anything extravagant. But looking back, it's a little sad. Pretty indicative of things, we didn't in any way celebrate our union, there was nothing to celebrate. There were no rings. A couple years later, he got one tattooed on, because he insisted he wanted that and refused to wear rings (safety, he was working in artillery in the Army)...and I bought myself a plain little silver band from a truck stop. I saw it, liked it, it was $15. I called it my wedding ring, though I bought it a few months after our "wedding."
It would have been nice if either of us had cared enough to do anything thoughful for one another that day. But we didn't.
When my ex and I got married, we'd already been together a long time, and it was just kind of a formality. I didn't even really want to get married, but it meant something to him, and at the time it seemed like the right thing to do. We went down to the courthouse in our jeans with a friend as a witness and then ate at Ihop on the way home.
I did say I didn't want to waste any money or do anything extravagant. But looking back, it's a little sad. Pretty indicative of things, we didn't in any way celebrate our union, there was nothing to celebrate. There were no rings. A couple years later, he got one tattooed on, because he insisted he wanted that and refused to wear rings (safety, he was working in artillery in the Army)...and I bought myself a plain little silver band from a truck stop. I saw it, liked it, it was $15. I called it my wedding ring, though I bought it a few months after our "wedding."
It would have been nice if either of us had cared enough to do anything thoughful for one another that day. But we didn't.
I can understand how you feel. For one of the most important occasions in a person's life, I don't understand why some people think it's so wrong to want to celebrate that.
Of course, it is dumb to spend beyond your means. But to judge people so harshly just because the engagement ring and/or wedding expenses are not "practical" is something I just don't understand. Does every penny you spend in your life have to be "practical"? I wouldn't want to live that way. Life is meant to be enjoyed and love should be celebrated.
The symbology is worth more than the silly thing you're going to put on your finger.
As long as it fits the needs and your partner loves it how much it cost really shouldn't matter.
I mean this in the way that spending beyond your means isn't nessary or honestly a good choice, but for someone who thinks no amount of money can prove someone's love and bank accounts don't matter to their special day....the ideogy of "how much it costs shouldn't matter to our love" can be used to also support that mindset as well.
My wife and I don't even wear our rings (both hate the feeling of things on our fingers) so who am I to talk about them though, right?
Lol
For us the emotional and physical connection is worth more than any material representation could ever be or have an affect on us. The rings ain't going to fix anything that breaks...they are only a reminder and a symbol
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,742,544 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterflyfish
I can understand how you feel. For one of the most important occasions in a person's life, I don't understand why some people think it's so wrong to want to celebrate that.
Of course, it is dumb to spend beyond your means. But to judge people so harshly just because the engagement ring and/or wedding expenses are not "practical" is something I just don't understand. Does every penny you spend in your life have to be "practical"? I wouldn't want to live that way. Life is meant to be enjoyed and love should be celebrated.
To me, I live by practicality. In my work, I experience firsthand people who their futures over just because they wanted to schmooze on wedding day, rings, or other stupid "I love you" BS. I look at it like this, anyone who'd I love would be able to appreciate simple sensible small gestures of love without going all out financially.
To me, I live by practicality. In my work, I experience firsthand people who their futures over just because they wanted to schmooze on wedding day, rings, or other stupid "I love you" BS. I look at it like this, anyone who'd I love would be able to appreciate simple sensible small gestures of love without going all out financially.
There's a lot of room between going into debt because of an engagement ring and never spending a dime on anything that isn't practical.
My husband and I are saving for our retirement - but we are also enjoying our life as it happens. Money doesn't bring happiness. It can be a means to an end but accumulating wealth for the sake of having a bunch of money doesn't really bring you happiness. I love the ring that my husband bought me and so does he. He didn't go into debt buying it. We have a house that we love. We have made some big purchases over the years and we don't regret any of them.
There's a lot of room between going into debt because of an engagement ring and never spending a dime on anything that isn't practical.
This.
"Spending" on the ring doesn't automatically mean forgoing one's future and going bankrupt.
Come on.
My husband spent very little on my ring - he's a very smart bargain-hunter and I asked him not to be spendy because I wanted to spend that money on housing, etc. - BUT OTOH it's not like he spent ten bucks on a secret decoder ring or anything either, LOL. It may seem "silly" to be spending more than a few hundred dollars on a ring to some people, but think of the fact that you're asking the woman to wear that ring every single day of her life, for the entire rest of her life (hopefully). Putting some tarnished bit of brass on her finger and asking her to do that each morning until she's 82 isn't exactly kind either, IMO.
There's a happy medium between "(blank)ing one's future" and deciding you're "too practical" to spend any sort of decent, normal amount on a piece the woman must wear 24/7 for the next 50 years.
What if you were told you could have a car, just one car for the entire rest of your life, every single day of your life, and you were a selfish you-know for wanting one that looks quite nice, you're just trying to be flashy and show off if you go that route and why on earth would you blow ALL that money on a flashier car, so take this '79 goldenrod-colored Pinto instead. Come on, be practical. It's a magic '79 Pinto, it will run just fine forever, it will pass, why the hell would you want anything else...you'd have to be selfish, greedy, materialistic, etc., etc. to want something "more spendy"...why the hell do you want to spend $26K on a better car when you can have one that works every bit as well for $300? Okay, so it's not as flashy, but what are you...some sort of gold-digger? So get ready to get into that yellow Pinto to go to work today...tomorrow...on some random Thursday in 2066...and every single day in between.
Would that be cool with you? That's what you're asking your future wife-to-be with something she physically has to wear, and look at, for the entire rest of her life (God and you both willing) or else she's "just selfish" and "not thinking of your love". Come on.
Diamonds, if you're going that route, do cost something. Period. They just do. Gold costs something. It just does. (Silver much less, obviously.) Yes, the average woman can probably be happy on a ring that costs far less than three months of a decent salary. But going 100% cheapo or else she's just a greedy you-know, when you're talking a permanent item she will be wearing every day, forever is over the top, IMO, and its point is to shame, and the intent to shame is because you're cheap and grudging so...wow, how classy. (Not "you" meaning the person I'm quoting, obviously.)
ETA: Now I know what people here may be thinking, and they'd have a point, to an extent. That ring might NOT be forever. But all I have to say to that is, although shyte does happen (it did to me, so not judging), if you're going into your marriage thinking "I won't get this woman a decent ring because maybe we'll end up breaking up and the ring won't have paid for itself" well then FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON'T GET MARRIED. STOP RIGHT THERE, turn the car around, go home and send the wedding gifts back.
Although I am not rich, I must be well to do compared to most. A few grand on a ring, a one time purchase for someone your proposing to spend your life with, and spent on something she will wear and enjoy daily for life... doesn't seem that expensive.
It's no more expensive, and maybe cheaper, than a pair of season tickets to any major sport. It is cheaper than the first year depreciation of any brand new car. People take vacations costing as much all the time. Many people gamble away more than that in a year.
There is so much hyperbole here. Real folks tend to spend what they can comfortably afford. The average ring is certainly not that outrageous for many folks. If someone is really risking their whole financial future on a couple grand purchase, I feel bad for their future spouse.
Last edited by Checkered24; 01-08-2016 at 09:06 PM..
The premise of the discussion isn't buying a ring... It is buying an expensive ring. Expensive is relative but it generally means it is beyond what is considered reasonably affordable.
The thread isn't a discussion about simply a large expense either... It is about a large expense as related to the beginning of a couple's life together in matrimony.
I think most in this thread are not recommending that you forgoe all purchases in life that are for enjoyment and not practical. It is the expectations surrounding a marriage... An often unreasonable expectation of a large expensive expense as a contingency of marriage
On a somewhtnsimiar note.... Even our low income families are doing significantly better when compre to other families in other countries.. They enjoy modern living that includes computers, big screen tvs, engangement rings, cell phones etc...yet the majority will continue day by day with no savings and no retirement.. I think a large portion of our population have a distorted view of what a reasonable spending looks like...
Last edited by usayit; 01-08-2016 at 09:42 PM..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
their futures over just because they wanted to schmooze on wedding day, rings, or other stupid "I love you" BS. I look at it like this, anyone who'd I love would be able to appreciate simple sensible small gestures of love without going all out financially.
