Men, what do you think about expensive engagement rings? (wives, marriage, husband)

[Checkered24]

Gender equality still doesn't mean that a couple draws a line down the middle of everything, separating things into absolutely equal halves.

A healthy relationship is one of mutual respect for each other, including each others wants, desires, and goals. Individually, the couple works together to satisfy those things for each other. That doesn't mean each individual does 50%, contributes 50%, or keeps score on 50%.

Nobody has to buy anyone an engagement ring, and there are many couples who have eschewed this cultural tradition in part (by spending lightly on one) or not at all. Of course, many have eschewed formal engagement and marriage too. Good for them for doing what is right for themselves!

Really, that is what each individual and couple does anyway. I would submit that any guy who feels forced or coerced into "overspending" on an engagement ring is some combination of not being ready for marriage and not marrying the right woman. Equally, the woman he is marrying if she is forcing, coercing, pressuring in this regard is not ready and not marrying the right person either.

[TheImportersWife]

Originally Posted by Checkered24

Gender equality still doesn't mean that a couple draws a line down the middle of everything, separating things into absolutely equal halves.

A healthy relationship is one of mutual respect for each other, including each others wants, desires, and goals. Individually, the couple works together to satisfy those things for each other. That doesn't mean each individual does 50%, contributes 50%, or keeps score on 50%.

Nobody has to buy anyone an engagement ring, and there are many couples who have eschewed this cultural tradition in part (by spending lightly on one) or not at all. Of course, many have eschewed formal engagement and marriage too. Good for them for doing what is right for themselves!

Really, that is what each individual and couple does anyway. I would submit that any guy who feels forced or coerced into "overspending" on an engagement ring is some combination of not being ready for marriage and not marrying the right woman. Equally, the woman he is marrying if she is forcing, coercing, pressuring in this regard is not ready and not marrying the right person either.

In regards to the bold statements, it's a shame, and somewhat sad, that many people can't grasp that concept. I'm sure glad that as a woman, I have many of the same opportunities that men have in our society, especially when it comes to jobs and careers, but when it comes to a romantic relationship, my husband and I have a very "traditional" relationship and it was what we BOTH want(ed). It works for us. We're a team. He does all the earning and I do all the spending. (It's a joke for those who can't smell the sarcasm.)

[The Dissenter]

Originally Posted by JerZ

This.

"Spending" on the ring doesn't automatically mean forgoing one's future and going bankrupt.

Come on.

My husband spent very little on my ring - he's a very smart bargain-hunter and I asked him not to be spendy because I wanted to spend that money on housing, etc. - BUT OTOH it's not like he spent ten bucks on a secret decoder ring or anything either, LOL. It may seem "silly" to be spending more than a few hundred dollars on a ring to some people, but think of the fact that you're asking the woman to wear that ring every single day of her life, for the entire rest of her life (hopefully). Putting some tarnished bit of brass on her finger and asking her to do that each morning until she's 82 isn't exactly kind either, IMO.

There's a happy medium between "(blank)ing one's future" and deciding you're "too practical" to spend any sort of decent, normal amount on a piece the woman must wear 24/7 for the next 50 years.

What if you were told you could have a car, just one car for the entire rest of your life, every single day of your life, and you were a selfish you-know for wanting one that looks quite nice, you're just trying to be flashy and show off if you go that route and why on earth would you blow ALL that money on a flashier car, so take this '79 goldenrod-colored Pinto instead. Come on, be practical. It's a magic '79 Pinto, it will run just fine forever, it will pass, why the hell would you want anything else...you'd have to be selfish, greedy, materialistic, etc., etc. to want something "more spendy"...why the hell do you want to spend $26K on a better car when you can have one that works every bit as well for $300? Okay, so it's not as flashy, but what are you...some sort of gold-digger? So get ready to get into that yellow Pinto to go to work today...tomorrow...on some random Thursday in 2066...and every single day in between.

Would that be cool with you? That's what you're asking your future wife-to-be with something she physically has to wear, and look at, for the entire rest of her life (God and you both willing) or else she's "just selfish" and "not thinking of your love". Come on.

Diamonds, if you're going that route, do cost something. Period. They just do. Gold costs something. It just does. (Silver much less, obviously.) Yes, the average woman can probably be happy on a ring that costs far less than three months of a decent salary. But going 100% cheapo or else she's just a greedy you-know, when you're talking a permanent item she will be wearing every day, forever is over the top, IMO, and its point is to shame, and the intent to shame is because you're cheap and grudging so...wow, how classy. (Not "you" meaning the person I'm quoting, obviously.)

ETA: Now I know what people here may be thinking, and they'd have a point, to an extent. That ring might NOT be forever. But all I have to say to that is, although shyte does happen (it did to me, so not judging), if you're going into your marriage thinking "I won't get this woman a decent ring because maybe we'll end up breaking up and the ring won't have paid for itself" well then FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON'T GET MARRIED. STOP RIGHT THERE, turn the car around, go home and send the wedding gifts back.

A car is a very different matter than a ring. The car you can at least trade in and sell at some time and recoup some of what you pay for it, and it is a hell of a lot harder to lose or get stolen and easier to insure.

I don't plan on marrying anyone anyway but I don't think a woman should make a stink about it if I buy a $1000-1500 ring as opposed to a $5k ring. I'm showing that I love her enough by buying a ring in the first place. If she wants the $5k ring, she is fully welcome to give the $1k ring back to me and find another sucker who will give her the $5k ring.

[GeoffD]

Meh. It depends on your income level. I'm a 5%er. It would cause me no particular hardship to spend 5% to 10% of my gross pay on an engagement ring. Looking on Blue Nile, 1.5 carat solitaire with good cut, color, and clarity is about $13K. Add a nice setting. Maybe a few accent stones. That's my boat yard bill in an expensive year or a year's operating cost of my vacation home. For somebody at median household income, that ring would be out of the question. Like it or not, marriage is an economic union. The ring is a symbol of the promise of prosperity. Until recent times, marriages were arranged and the arrangement was typically purely economic with little consideration to compatibility. I think the economic weighting of the ability to own a home in a town with a top school system and the ability to fund a comfortable retirement are far more important. A nice engagement ring is merely a symbol for the rest of it. For someone of limited means, it's like a male peacock displaying their colorful tail feathers. I suspect the female peacock sees through that subterfuge.

[Achelois]

My husband and I wear matching gold bands. I bought his; he bought mine. He came out ahead on that deal because I wear a size 7 and he wears a 14.

[mishigas73]

Originally Posted by vision33r

This concept is not the reality in today's society. Atleast not marketed or else places like Tiffany and Zales would be out of business.

Of course it's reality. No one has to buy any piece of jewelry. If someone feels strongly about not getting an engagement ring, they should find someone who is compatible with them on that front. Just like anything else.

[Fargobound]

It's not the dollar amount the ring costs, but the promise.

[ChessieMom]

Originally Posted by The Dissenter

A car is a very different matter than a ring. The car you can at least trade in and sell at some time and recoup some of what you pay for it, and it is a hell of a lot harder to lose or get stolen and easier to insure.

I don't plan on marrying anyone anyway but I don't think a woman should make a stink about it if I buy a $1000-1500 ring as opposed to a $5k ring. I'm showing that I love her enough by buying a ring in the first place. If she wants the $5k ring, she is fully welcome to give the $1k ring back to me and find another sucker who will give her the $5k ring.

Diss, if you planned to marry someone, I would expect that the two of you would know each other's tastes well enough for the ring to not be an issue. If she was of that nature (requiring expensive jewelry) I doubt you would be a couple very long.

[JerZ]

Originally Posted by The Dissenter

A car is a very different matter than a ring. The car you can at least trade in and sell at some time and recoup some of what you pay for it, and it is a hell of a lot harder to lose or get stolen and easier to insure.

I don't plan on marrying anyone anyway but I don't think a woman should make a stink about it if I buy a $1000-1500 ring as opposed to a $5k ring. I'm showing that I love her enough by buying a ring in the first place. If she wants the $5k ring, she is fully welcome to give the $1k ring back to me and find another sucker who will give her the $5k ring.

First paragraph: you can sell a ring too, plus psst: cars depreciate horrifically.

Second paragraph: you don't even plan on ever doing this, yet you're managing to be resentful on behalf of men who may not even want you to be, hmmm. Talk about going far out of your way in order to find a way to attack and resent women and accuse them of feeling/doing things that may not even be on their radar... This is just weird.

[JerZ]

Originally Posted by Achelois

My husband and I wear matching gold bands. I bought his; he bought mine. He came out ahead on that deal because I wear a size 7 and he wears a 14.

Interesting, my husband bought my engagement ring and I bought our wedding bands.