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Old 04-26-2016, 08:48 AM
 
Location: Superior, Wisconsin
4,762 posts, read 788,183 times
Reputation: 702

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My fiancée and I plan to marry in June 2017. While it's 14 months away, we have started a preliminary list of our wedding guests already, as our time to plan is very limited (we live 70 miles apart, and are only able to see each other on weekends, and living together before the marriage is simply not feasible due to our schedules and jobs).


We have already selected the location for our reception, which only seats 50 people comfortably (the owner told us he would be able to accommodate up to 55, but 60 wouldn't be possible). We have 59 people on our preliminary list, and are trying to narrow it down as best as possible. My fiancée and I are raising the funds on our own to cover the wedding costs, with no help from either of our families.


My father is insisting that we invite 3 cousins of mine whom I have not seen in 14 years, and wouldn't even recognize if they showed up at my door. 2 of them are married, and I have never even met the spouses or even seen a picture of them. He knows that my fiancée and I are not thrilled about having them there, since we don't know them, but insists that we invite them as they are the only "blood relatives" we have left on his side of the family. He told me he would cover the cost of their seats, but that really isn't the problem; I'm almost at a point where I must choose them to the exclusion of my closest friends.


So, I suggested to my mother that we include just the "blood" cousins (since my father is so hung up on the fact that they are "blood" relatives), and not the spouses. This would open up 2 more seats, and would be fair compromise in between what we want and what my father wants (sort of meeting him in the middle). I understand that this might be a bit unorthodox, but considering how limited our seating is, and the fact that I have never even met the spouses, I don't see the harm in it. My mother is telling me that this option is entirely out of the question; I'd be interested to know your thoughts.


Thanks in advance!
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Old 04-26-2016, 08:55 AM
 
Location: The Mitten.
2,520 posts, read 3,066,189 times
Reputation: 8952
"My fiancée and I are raising the funds on our own to cover the wedding costs, with no help from either of our families."

Then you get the say-so.

Blood, schmud. No cousins, no spouses of cousins. What's your demanding dad going to do, refuse to attend your wedding?
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Old 04-26-2016, 08:55 AM
 
Location: Ohio
5,624 posts, read 6,807,654 times
Reputation: 6802
1) Its your wedding, not your parents so you should invite who YOU want.
2) YES it is RUDE to not have their spouse invited with them! (even saying no kids bugs me but i can sort of understand this in certain circumstances)

In the end its your day and you have to do what makes you happy. I can tell you, your cousins will talk about how you didnt include their spouses and they will tell others.

If you havent put a deposit on your venue, maybe you can go slightly bigger OR see if current venue has some sort of outdoor area to include.

*Married and renewed my vows as well.
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Old 04-26-2016, 09:13 AM
 
Location: southwestern PA
22,300 posts, read 47,238,084 times
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It is YOUR day and you should surround yourself with those who you love and who love you.

Personally, give your parameters, I would not invite the cousins.
But if YOU do, you have to include their spouses.
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Old 04-26-2016, 10:34 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
19,480 posts, read 24,987,010 times
Reputation: 51106
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ohky0815 View Post
1) Its your wedding, not your parents so you should invite who YOU want.
2) YES it is RUDE to not have their spouse invited with them! (even saying no kids bugs me but i can sort of understand this in certain circumstances)

In the end its your day and you have to do what makes you happy. I can tell you, your cousins will talk about how you didnt include their spouses and they will tell others.

If you havent put a deposit on your venue, maybe you can go slightly bigger OR see if current venue has some sort of outdoor area to include.

*Married and renewed my vows as well.
Good points.

BTW, even if your parents are paying for the entire wedding, IMHO, the wedding couple should have the final say on the guest list.

I knew one bride whose parents threw her a swanky wedding at their country club and invited numerous business associates of the parents who the bride & groom had never even met, but refused to allow the bride & groom to invite their friends from college. IMHO, that was completely wrong.

The only reason that I got to attend was because I was one of three bridesmaids.

Last edited by germaine2626; 04-26-2016 at 10:58 AM..
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Old 04-26-2016, 01:39 PM
 
291 posts, read 395,554 times
Reputation: 258
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zenstyle View Post
"My fiancée and I are raising the funds on our own to cover the wedding costs, with no help from either of our families."

Then you get the say-so.

Blood, schmud. No cousins, no spouses of cousins. What's your demanding dad going to do, refuse to attend your wedding?
This. If you are putting up the funds, everyone else's "needs" are simply their opinion and you can do what you want with it. You have the final word in this, not them.
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Old 04-26-2016, 01:44 PM
 
Location: Canada
11,756 posts, read 11,955,320 times
Reputation: 30181
Quote:
Originally Posted by Compuhi View Post
This. If you are putting up the funds, everyone else's "needs" are simply their opinion and you can do what you want with it. You have the final word in this, not them.
This.

We chose a venue that held 30 people so you can imagine how many weren't invited, including cousins i'm close to, (although not geographically close). We didn't want a large wedding, really wanted the venue, so worked to fit in 30 people. Only one cousin was annoyed at not being included but she seems to be over it.

I personally would not invite relatives you barely know at the expense of family and friends who are in your daily life.
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Old 04-26-2016, 01:56 PM
 
2,659 posts, read 2,071,093 times
Reputation: 3677
Or instead of three cousins, invite one with his wife. But I agree, inviting a married person without their spouse is a bit weird and tacky. How would you even put something like this in the invitation? "Dear So So, You and Only you are invited to our wedding. Your wife must stay home as she does not fit in our venue..."
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Old 04-26-2016, 09:05 PM
 
Location: here
24,873 posts, read 36,046,636 times
Reputation: 32726
Either invite the spouses, or don't invite the cousins.
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Old 04-26-2016, 09:15 PM
 
5,401 posts, read 6,476,574 times
Reputation: 12016
Invite only who you & your intended wish to. Period.

Married people are always invited as a couple.

Enjoy your wedding day and good luck.
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