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Old 06-06-2016, 09:44 AM
 
9,911 posts, read 7,699,445 times
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Think the fiancée is upset at me. I talk to friends and family, but don't have anyone to talk to about this. So fiancée texted me about exchanging gifts. I kind of shrugged it off and said I never heard of such a tradition. This made her upset and I don't feels conversations are forced and fiancée responding with one word answers. She could just be busy is all. Sending me messages like come with me this weekend or not or whatever.

The reason I don't think we should do the gifts is money. Maybe a letter between us would be nice. I am not a fan of the wedding itself I just want it at City Hall and a small party. Fiancée is Italian and money was left for her to hace a fairy tale wedding from her Dad when he passed. So I am okay with the big wedding and it'll make her happy. The wedding is for her, fiancée gets upset when I say that. I am paying for my tux, the wedding invitations, the Chaplin for the wedding, and the rehearsal dinner on my own. It's the reason why I am on the fence of exchanging gifts have very little money can put towards hifts.

Need some feedback suggestions advice I appreciate it.
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Old 06-06-2016, 10:05 AM
 
Location: Hampton Roads
3,032 posts, read 4,735,794 times
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We didn't exchange gifts unless you count our actual wedding bands. Even then, I bought my own wedding band and his was a tungsten carbide ring I found on Amazon for $15.


I guess I would say - it sounds a little high maintenance to resort to one word answers after being told not to exchange gifts.


Are you guys otherwise on the same page about things money-wise?
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Old 06-06-2016, 08:31 PM
 
Location: here
24,873 posts, read 36,171,415 times
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Since money is an issue, but she wants to do the gift thing, maybe you could discuss together something you could use/do together. Skis for both of you? A grill for the back yard?
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Old 06-06-2016, 08:41 PM
 
22,278 posts, read 21,728,906 times
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I think it's a sweet and meaningful tradition for the bride and groom to exchange gifts privately...something intimate, not necessarily expensive but that will be a lifelong keepsake.

(Not skis or a grill!)
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Old 06-06-2016, 08:54 PM
 
Location: NY
9,130 posts, read 20,012,483 times
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Paying for a wedding is one thing. You can say "it is for her" but it is for bother of you whether or not you can take it or leave it It is certainly not a heart felt gift.

Being in a giving spirit towards your soon to be wife is another story, and I would think you would find a lot of positive motivation to treat her to something you think she really wants, instead of focusing on the wedding your ambivalent to.

Find something heart felt and meaningful to give her. Something she would really love, appreciate, and respect the thoughtfulness which you put into it. It certainly doesn't have to be expensive. The gifts my wife loves the most, and finds the most meaningful, are the ones which show I paid attention to her and filled even the smallest want, need, or desire without her asking for something.
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Old 06-07-2016, 06:29 AM
 
Location: Hampton Roads
3,032 posts, read 4,735,794 times
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No one else finds it weird she sulks when he points out that they're paying for the wedding, so no gifts? He even stated they could pick out cards and write each other a letter, which is just as meaningful without having to spend money on gifts if you don't have the money.

Sure - you can always get her a small gift like getting a Things Remembered bracelet with her new monogram initialed onto it or A+B Wedding Date, 2016 or something and it's thoughtful (https://www.thingsremembered.com/per..._SALEBracelets), but I don't get the attitude of sulking about not wanting to give gifts when someone is helping to pay for the wedding itself. Like stating that money might be tight and then being told, "Come with me... or not. Whatever." is kind of strange, too.


We chose not to get each other gifts, because we paid for our own wedding.
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Old 06-07-2016, 07:39 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
19,480 posts, read 25,153,902 times
Reputation: 51118
I have read your numerous threads about your relationship with your fiancée and your upcoming wedding. Frankly, IMHO your entire situation appears to be a disaster that is just getting worse and worse. This is just one more thing in the long, long list of demands that she is ordering you to comply with. Your relationship does not appear to be a partnership as much as a dictatorship on her part.

You are too close to the situation to see how one sided and how dysfunctional your relationship is with your GF. If this was happening to one of your close friends you would tell him to either cancel the wedding completely or postpone it a year or two. If you truly love each other waiting two years won't matter at all.

But, I have a sneaky feeling that if you tried to postpone the wedding your GF would dump you and just substitute another chump in your place and go on with the dream wedding that she & her family planned. I wouldn't be surprised if she already has a back-up groom in mind in case you don't knuckle under to her every demand. IMHO, she does not love you as much as the idea of a perfect man who will bow down to her every wish and demand. And, don't you want to be loved for you ?

BTW, I personally have not even known one couple that exchanged wedding gifts, except for things like writing their own vows. Maybe, it is common in other circles, but in my 64 years I have not heard of any couple that I know or was related to that did that.
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Old 06-07-2016, 07:49 AM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
24,012 posts, read 28,458,432 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
I have read your numerous threads about your relationship with your fiancée and your upcoming wedding. Frankly, IMHO your entire situation appears to be a disaster that is just getting worse and worse. This is just one more thing in the long, long list of demands that she is ordering you to comply with. Your relationship does not appear to be a partnership as much as a dictatorship on her part.

You are too close to the situation to see how one sided and how dysfunctional your relationship is with your GF. If this was happening to one of your close friends you would tell him to either cancel the wedding completely or postpone it a year or two. If you truly love each other waiting two years won't matter at all.

But, I have a sneaky feeling that if you tried to postpone the wedding your GF would dump you and just substitute another chump in your place and go on with the dream wedding that she & her family planned. I wouldn't be surprised if she already has a back-up groom in mind in case you don't knuckle under to her every demand. IMHO, she does not love you as much as the idea of a perfect man who will bow down to her every wish and demand. And, don't you want to be loved for you ?

BTW, I personally have not even known one couple that exchanged wedding gifts, except for things like writing their own vows. Maybe, it is common in other circles, but in my 64 years I have not heard of any couple that I know or was related to that did that.
All of this.

I was always under the impression that wedding rings were the "gift" between bride and groom.
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Old 06-07-2016, 08:00 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
19,480 posts, read 25,153,902 times
Reputation: 51118
Please schedule pre-marital counseling. If your GF won't attend (and I bet that she won't) please go by yourself and discuss all of this issues with a trained therapist. If you can't afford it go to your student counseling service or a clergyman to discuss this issues. Please.
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Old 06-07-2016, 08:20 AM
 
Location: Leaving fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada
4,053 posts, read 8,255,752 times
Reputation: 8040
Every time you post about getting married it's something that sends a bit of a red flag. Are you sure you know her well enough to marry her? What about knowing yourself well enough to get your needs met?
Gary Coleman's book The 5 Love Languages could help you with knowing both you and your fiancé's love language and how they impact your relationship.

Maybe you should investigate?

5 Love Languages

https://play.google.com/store/books/...d=aB96HL4pmLYC
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