The Ring thing ... (planning, relationship, formal, guy)
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At what point in your relationship did you decide you will be getting engaged? About 4 years
When did the ring appear after this decision? I find "appear" a strange choice of words.
But yes, because we got married a month later.
Did you both have an input on what kind of ring you will get? Yes, I picked it out.
Did you consider you will both own the cost of the ring, if you needed to take out a loan?I would never justify a loan for a piece of jewelry
Did you talk about how much you will spend for the ring and whether it will have to be a diamond?Yes, DH wanted to spend more, I spent less
Did you shop for it together?I showed him what I picked
What was the surprise element when the proposal was finally made? The surprise was that he asked - he had vowed never to marry again, and I believed him.
What was the length of time before the wedding took place? Month.
Did you ever have to get/give the ring back?What? No.
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It is interesting how the engagement ring is not a thing in many cultures. Even the wedding ring is not a universal symbol of marriage. Although some kind of jewelry from someone (the groom, his family, her family) to the bride seems to be a norm in most places.
Thank you all for sharing. Although the diamond industry has managed to make having a diamond in some form or ther THE true marker of love and marraige, so many of you are making more rational and truer choices.
Funny how despite the advancement of equality in today's society, most women still expect men to get down on one knee, extract the black velvet box from their pocket with perfect precision, and to experience that magical Cinderella moment.... lol
It's not just women, though. I know several women who didn't want a ring or who didn't want to go through the proposal rigmarole, but their boyfriends were the ones who wanted that. They wanted to choose the ring and plan the proposal and surprise her and look like the best boyfriend ever.
At what point in your relationship did you decide you will be getting engaged?
When did the ring appear after this decision?
Did you both have an input on what kind of ring you will get?
Did you consider you will both own the cost of the ring, if you needed to take out a loan?
Did you talk about how much you will spend for the ring and whether it will have to be a diamond?
Did you shop for it together?
What was the surprise element when the proposal was finally made?
What was the length of time before the wedding took place?
Did you ever have to get/give the ring back?
This all happened almost 30 years ago, so I don't remember quite everything. We were a couple of years into the relationship & the part I can't remember is if we had already bought our first house together or not. I think the ring "appeared" a few months after the discussion.
We did not shop together & I basically picked it out. DH & I worked together & we had to walk by an independent jeweler that was next door to our building daily. Pretty much all our co-workers shopped there for jewelry & since we all passed it every day on our way to & from work & lunch, everyone knew what was in the windows. One day, I walked past & saw a beautiful custom amethyst ring, that I knew was 'the one' for me. I told my husband to be & he bought it for me.
Money was not really a factor b/c it was an amethyst, so not very expensive at that time. It was stolen a few years ago & having it remade cost us 4x the original price, b/c it had a LOT of gold & gold has gone up so much in value. We never discussed whether it had to be a diamond or anything like that. Amethyst is my birthstone & I'm very non-traditional, so I simply knew. We both made good money though & so I'm pretty confident he would have bought me anything I wanted, within reason. It was more important to me that it be an unusual design than anything else.
We went out for dinner at a nice restaurant downtown, which was common for us at the time, since we worked downtown & he got down on 1 knee & popped the question. IDK how or why he chose that particular dinner.
The wedding took place about 7 months later. We're still married & I still love my ring, so no have never had to give it back, nor would I. I was so upset when it was stolen! It was stolen at the gym (stupid me), when I changed into my weightlifting gloves & I put both rings in there. I usually didn't wear them to the gym at all but b/c the rocks are very large & sit up high, I couldn't wear them under my gloves. It was a dead night at the gym & so I popped them in my locker . Someone must have walked in as they were stealing them though b/c they took my amethyst, but left the diamond my DH had given me a year or 2 later as a bday gift. The diamond was worth MUCH, MUCH more than the amethyst. I lucked out b/c although we live in a different state, we knew the jeweler was still in business. He still knew my ring & against all odds, had the mold some 25 years later. They remade it for me. At first they used the wrong cut stone (they used a pillow cut amethyst) & they were kind of jerks about it, saying "don't you like it"? Well, when it's about replacing a ring, it needs to look the same!. It finally got done right & although I can tell it's not the original (stone color is slightly different), no one else would ever know. Like I said though, it easily cost 4x as much due to gold prices. Money well spent, as it's sentimental to me & I feel so much better having my ring back.
At what point in your relationship did you decide you will be getting engaged? No engagement period.
When did the ring appear after this decision? A month or 2 after marriage.
Did you both have an input on what kind of ring you will get? He brought me to a mall then announced you are gonna choose your ring today.
Did you consider you will both own the cost of the ring, if you needed to take out a loan? He paid by credit card. I made sure to pick a ring that does not require to take a freaking debt.
Did you talk about how much you will spend for the ring and whether it will have to be a diamond? Nope. I could have chosen an expensive one but I doubt he will agree to pay for it, LOL! And I honestly can't get myself to pick an expensive one, anyway. He is lucky that's not how I roll. Material girl, I am not.
Did you shop for it together? Yap, at the mall.
What was the surprise element when the proposal was finally made? I was actually shocked. We actually broke up and NC for 3 days, then he contacted me to say he sent me an email, I read it and was like -
What was the length of time before the wedding took place? I move in with him, bombard him for 3 days, he took me to city hall to shut me up, we are both wearing jeans! Countless wedding style.
Did you ever have to get/give the ring back? Yap, I left it when I left him and pack my bags several times. In fact, the first time I left, he demanded for the ring back.
And after all those, I hardly ever wear my ring. LOL.
After five years of workplace only friendship and she had promoted to another agency I finally asked her out. We fell in love on that first date. A week later I invited her over to my house to cook dinner for her - something at which I'm pretty good. She asked if she could look around my kitchen and of course I told her she could. She took in my cook cookware excellent knives, many herbs and spices as well as various condiments and implements. Then she ate what I prepared and after all that, she never left. I always swore that in the end she married me for my kitchen. That was over 20 years ago.
Two weeks later we were engaged - she didn't want an engagement ring - and six weeks later we eloped and were married. We both decided on "temporary" rings and went through two sets before deciding on a yellow and white gold wedding band for me and a clear and black diamond wedding band for her which she absolutely loved. She loved mine also, as do I.
I lost my wife to pneumonia and sepsis four days ago. I still wear my wedding band and always will. I still consider us married and I always will. I have her ring suspended from an attractive chain which I wear around my neck. The chain is long enough so her ring hangs over my heart where it belongs. I'm 70 years old and she was 68. I will wear both rings until the day comes that I am fortunate enough to join her.
It's not just women, though. I know several women who didn't want a ring or who didn't want to go through the proposal rigmarole, but their boyfriends were the ones who wanted that. They wanted to choose the ring and plan the proposal and surprise her and look like the best boyfriend ever.
Boys are told at very young age what women want... so they act as expected
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. Someone must have walked in as they were stealing them though b/c they took my amethyst, but left the diamond my DH had given me a year or 2 later as a bday gift. The diamond was worth MUCH, MUCH more than the amethyst. I lucked out b/c although we live in a different state, we knew the jeweler was still in business. He still knew my ring & against all odds, had the mold some 25 years later. They remade it for me. At first they used the wrong cut stone (they used a pillow cut amethyst) & they were kind of jerks about it, saying "don't you like it"? Well, when it's about replacing a ring, it needs to look the same!. It finally got done right & although I can tell it's not the original (stone color is slightly different), no one else would ever know. Like I said though, it easily cost 4x as much due to gold prices. Money well spent, as it's sentimental to me & I feel so much better having my ring back.
