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well, that's pretty much the definition of planning a wedding, regardless of the age of the bride.
I think most people feel that a more mature bride is generally going to be more flexible in terms of things like bridesmaid dresses but the reality remains that it's still the bride's decision on how they want the wedding to be.
I feel the same way. I married in my late 30s and got tired of people expecting me to do my wedding differently, simply based on my age. Some people thought I shouldn't have a wedding at all; or that I shouldn't register or wear a white gown, or do this or do that. There's no rule that says traditional wedding etiquette is just for people in their 20s.
Is being a bridesmaid about standing up and honoring your friend or about looking pretty in a stylish dress?
I can't imagine being friends with someone enough that I would agree to stand up with them at their wedding and not understand that this is their special day and they get to decide how things will be.
The fact that the dress doesn't fit is something else entirely. Obviously, you need to get another size. The only reason I could see the bride having to change her chosen dress is if it does not come in the OP's size.
This probably seems harsher than I intend it to be. It just surprises me that someone would put looking stylish over their dear friend's wedding day dreams.
Is being a bridesmaid about standing up and honoring your friend or about looking pretty in a stylish dress?
I can't imagine being friends with someone enough that I would agree to stand up with them at their wedding and not understand that this is their special day and they get to decide how things will be.
The fact that the dress doesn't fit is something else entirely. Obviously, you need to get another size. The only reason I could see the bride having to change her chosen dress is if it does not come in the OP's size.
This probably seems harsher than I intend it to be. It just surprises me that someone would put looking stylish over their dear friend's wedding day dreams.
A dress that's so mis-sized it can't zip up is a bit more than un-stylish.
Is being a bridesmaid about standing up and honoring your friend or about looking pretty in a stylish dress?
I can't imagine being friends with someone enough that I would agree to stand up with them at their wedding and not understand that this is their special day and they get to decide how things will be.
The fact that the dress doesn't fit is something else entirely. Obviously, you need to get another size. The only reason I could see the bride having to change her chosen dress is if it does not come in the OP's size.
This probably seems harsher than I intend it to be. It just surprises me that someone would put looking stylish over their dear friend's wedding day dreams.
Why can't a bridesmaid look nice at the same time as honouring her friend? Why would a bride's dream be to buy an ugly and ill-fitting dress for her friend without asking her measurements or having her try on the dress? It's kind of unbelievable.
Why can't a bridesmaid look nice at the same time as honouring her friend? Why would a bride's dream be to buy an ugly and ill-fitting dress for her friend without asking her measurements or having her try on the dress? It's kind of unbelievable.
Ill-fitting is of course inappropriate.
But ugly is subjective. Presumably the bride who chose the dress does not consider it ugly even if the OP does.
Unfortunately, the OP has not returned since she started the thread to clarify anything.
I separated the ill-fitting issue out of the other comments. Of course a bride shouldn't expect her friend to FIT in whatever dress she buys and sends her. That's ridiculous.
But like emm74 said, ugly is subjective. If the bride truly loves this dress and wants it next to her in pictures of the day she will remember forever, then why would a close friend insult her by saying, "No way I'm wearing that hideous thing!"
(Yes, I realize the OP did not actually say that. I hope. You get the point.)
You're both grown women. I'm really surprised the 2 of you didn't shop together to find a dress you both liked. Do one of you live out of town, and so you couldn't shop together? Or is she just arbitrary that way?
Or better yet, have the dress MADE so it will fit the OP exactly. I was a bridesmaid when my brother got married, and all the dresses were made to order, not bought.
Bring a change of clothes, and change immediately after the ceremony.
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I feel the same way. I married in my late 30s and got tired of people expecting me to do my wedding differently, simply based on my age. Some people thought I shouldn't have a wedding at all; or that I shouldn't register or wear a white gown, or do this or do that. There's no rule that says traditional wedding etiquette is just for people in their 20s.
That is amazing that people reacted that way to your marriage in your late 30s. I hope you ignored all those judgmental people. They are out of touch with the reality of weddings today.
Practically every wedding I have been to recently had both the bride and groom in their 30s and these were first marriages. It is very common these days for people to finish their educations and get a good start in their careers before marriage.
OP, you should not have to wear a dress that does not fit or even zip up. Tell the bride the dress cannot be altered or remade within the time frame, choose others and send photos. If she insists on the first dress, firmly tell her it is impossible for you but perhaps someone else she knows that size can be the matron of honor if that particular dress is so important to her.
I draw the line at being bullied into a very uncomfortable situation by a bride whether it is "her" day or not (actually I find that whole concept of the Princess Bridezilla kind of nauseating - my way or off with their heads!).
Is being a bridesmaid about standing up and honoring your friend or about looking pretty in a stylish dress?
I can't imagine being friends with someone enough that I would agree to stand up with them at their wedding and not understand that this is their special day and they get to decide how things will be.
The fact that the dress doesn't fit is something else entirely. Obviously, you need to get another size. The only reason I could see the bride having to change her chosen dress is if it does not come in the OP's size.
This probably seems harsher than I intend it to be. It just surprises me that someone would put looking stylish over their dear friend's wedding day dreams.
There's a big difference between not looking stylish and looking ridiculous. Which a too small dress will do.
And to those who say it will be obvious that the bride picked the dress. Sure but bridesmaids are responsible for making sure they order the right size. So if the dress is obviously too small and reconfigured it makes the OP look foolish
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