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I'm not saying whether the pact is stupid or not. Would I, personally, have made such a pact? I don't know. I'm just saying once your word is given it's something you should keep. Otherwise anything you say can be seen as meaningless.
I suppose if the pact was made at the time they first broke up and both knowing that they would be attending their mutual friends' wedding. And initially, the promise was made out of consideration to their residual feelings of affection for each other (see Ladywithafan's threads about her ex going on a date with another woman). And I could see Ladywithafan and her ex making such a promise to each other.
However, a good amount of time has gone by. Her ex has dated and broken up with another girlfriend. This woman has been dating this friend for six months. So it should be that these two no longer have feelings for each other that would lead to a bruised heart should they see each other with new companions.
So if this woman wanted to have her new boyfriend go to the wedding with her, it should be no big deal. All she has to do is pick up the phone and just ask if it would be okay to bring her the new man in her life along. But either she still has feelings for her old boyfriend, or she is an idiot for taking that old promise so literally.
I'm not saying whether the pact is stupid or not. Would I, personally, have made such a pact? I don't know. I'm just saying once your word is given it's something you should keep. Otherwise anything you say can be seen as meaningless.
I'll restate what I said in a previous post: the key word here is "ex," meaning she doesn't owe him anything any more -- including her word to abide by a request he had no business making in the first place.
I understand it can be seen as a stupid pact, and I understand he should not have requested it in the first place. I respect that you see it differently, but in my opinion, she still gave her word regardless, and I think you owe it to yourself to keep your word or not give it in the first place.
Well I can tell you this: if I were dating someone who felt she was still beholden to keep her word to her ex over something he has no business holding her to, I'd be out of there. Word to ex versus relationship... not a difficult choice for me.
Loyalty is exactly the issue here -- and her loyalty should be to her current beau, not her ex beau. Forgive me if I don't put a lot of stock in the bizarre notion that showing loyalty to an ex over a current S.O. is indicative of one's propensity to be loyal to the current S.O.
I understand it can be seen as a stupid pact, and I understand he should not have requested it in the first place. I respect that you see it differently, but in my opinion, she still gave her word regardless, and I think you owe it to yourself to keep your word or not give it in the first place.
The pact had more significance when that couple first parted ways. But as time went on, and it's been two years now, the pact has less significance. It's not a matter of his word or her word not being worth anything, but that as the time went by and them dating other people, their feelings of love should have faded and to see each other at the wedding with other dates will now not cause them heartache.
This is real life here, not some movie script. This is not some variation of An Affair to Remember. And so far, this woman has never said that this ex of hers was the love of her life and that one day, she wanted to be together again with him. Her ex has dated and had sex with another woman. She's been dating this other guy for the last six months. I see no evidence of undying love or soulmates separated by unfortunate circumstance.
So two years later, the pact is not as significant as when they first parted ways imo. And ten years from now, the pact will be quite minuscule. I feel it was only made as a gesture as they parted ways, one or both of them claiming that their heart was broken or bruised in the breakup. Two years later, I'm sure that both have completely gotten over that heartache.
My buddy just updated me about what's been going on.
Since last week, she has been sleeping over every single night, including last night.
He took off from work today to help her get ready, and her ex's best friend came to pick her up for tonight (where he kissed her in front of the other woman to make sure it got back to the ex...I find that somewhat strange).
He also told me that they had a long conversation last night at dinner to where she told him "Josh can spill his guts out to me all he wants at this wedding, but the fact of the matter is that I love you, and want to be with you".
I am patiently waiting to hear how this all wraps up this evening.
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