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One of my old college friends called me up tonight and told me his current GF is going to a wedding where her ex of 2 years is the best man.
As he was going into detail he mentioned that those two made an agreement not to bring their current S.O.'s, but he (the ex) has since broken up with his last girlfriend and my friends current GF is still going alone. When he told her he was stressing this wedding she said it is in God's hands now and they will get through it, and they are like a fine wine, and since this is a Friday evening, she had no plans to spend the night after the reception.
With that being said, I told him not to worry, but I wonder if I am just saying that since we are really close and I don't want him to freak out.
What do you guy's think? The best advice is from outsiders so I was wondering what everyone's take is on this.
Last edited by DowntownJerseyCity; 03-26-2008 at 10:14 PM..
Reason: grammar
Well a relationship is built on trust. If they cant trust their S.O. then that is a problem. That said, I think a wedding is a signficant event and you dont take just anyone, even if it is your current S.O. You usually take someone that you have a strong relationship with. So it could just be that the your buddy is not in that heavy of a relationship and not "wedding date worthy" yet. If your buddy has been in a pretty long and deep relationship and the girlfriend opted to not take your buddy, then that's pretty bad. Either way, your buddy should take the weekend off to go spend time with his buddies.
Well a relationship is built on trust. If they cant trust their S.O. then that is a problem. That said, I think a wedding is a signficant event and you dont take just anyone, even if it is your current S.O. You usually take someone that you have a strong relationship with. So it could just be that the your buddy is not in that heavy of a relationship and not "wedding date worthy" yet. If your buddy has been in a pretty long and deep relationship and the girlfriend opted to not take your buddy, then that's pretty bad. Either way, your buddy should take the weekend off to go spend time with his buddies.
good point. They've been together for about 6 months or so, and I will be sure to invite him up from Philly to have a guys night.
A relationship may be built on trust, but that's not a license to knowingly inflict discomfort on your S.O. If that discomfort does not manifest itself as flat-out jealousy or control-freakness or effectively render one a prisoner to the S.O.'s whims, then that discomfort should be accommodated when practical. You need to choose your battles.
And this is one battle I don't understand. Is she going to the wedding because she knows the bride/groom/both? If so, why would she not bring her S.O. with her as her guest? Why does the ex care if she brings a date or comes alone? The key here is "ex" as in, "no longer any of your business."
Or is she going just because her ex is the best man? If that's the case, why is she going at all?
I'm kind of on your friend's side here. There is something weird about this, and I'd be uncomfortable too.
A relationship may be built on trust, but that's not a license to knowingly inflict discomfort on your S.O. If that discomfort does not manifest itself as flat-out jealousy or control-freakness or effectively render one a prisoner to the S.O.'s whims, then that discomfort should be accommodated when practical. You need to choose your battles.
And this is one battle I don't understand. Is she going to the wedding because she knows the bride/groom/both? If so, why would she not bring her S.O. with her as her guest? Why does the ex care if she brings a date or comes alone? The key here is "ex" as in, "no longer any of your business."
Or is she going just because her ex is the best man? If that's the case, why is she going at all?
I'm kind of on your friend's side here. There is something weird about this, and I'd be uncomfortable too.
I agree w/this post. It sounds a little fishy. Why do they each care who they are bringing?
-sounds like if things get out of hand she is throwing God under the bus for the result.
-if she would do that to God I wouldn't trust her a far as I could throw her.
I agree w/this post. It sounds a little fishy. Why do they each care who they are bringing?
+1. Something isn't right. How many people are going to this wedding anyway? Isn't this party about the bride and groom, not the potential sub drama between the best man and his ex girlfriend?
It is customary that wedding invitations to single people include "Mary and Guest" (Key exception: if Mary is engaged to Larry, she is legally still single but the invitation should be to "Mary and Larry").
Thus, the aforementioned GF almost certainly would have had the opportunity to bring along her boyfriend (the idea that Mary's guest must be some long-standing acquaintance is rubbish: it is socially acceptable to bring a long-running flame or the flavor of the week -- the decision rests entirely with Mary). Alas, the GF apparently chose not to bring her boyfriend. Given the best-man-who's-an-old-flame situation, it does sound rather suspicious to me.
I'd have to agree with what other's have said here... something fishy going on.
This girl is in a relationship with your friend, what her ex-boyfriend wants/desires etc. should be irrelevant to her. A wedding is a special occassion and you often do attend that alone if you are single or with your S.O. if you are attached. The fact that she and her ex-boyfriend made an arrangement to not bring their S.O. is totally inappropriate under the circumstances.
First of all, he is her ex-boyfriend. She should not be making any arrangements with him about attendance at any event particularly those that would involve excluding her S.O. from attendance. The only person she needs to be making arrangements with in this circumstance is her current b.f.
Second, by both of them making this arrangement, it sounds or appears to be like two old flames about to be in the same place at the same time possibly thinking "oh, without our S.O. present maybe we'll get the can talk a bit, dance a bit, and see what other bit can happen". Not saying this is what is going through either of their minds but it is the appearance that comes across. I mean, why else would they need such an arrangement. Shouldn't be to avoid discomfort for the other, that would elude to there being unresolved feelings between them, in which case, such arrangement continues to be inappropriate as it leads back to the scenario given, opportunity to perhaps explore those unresolved feelings.
I don't know, maybe I've been burned too many times or just have high standards as to what is appropriate or not in a relationship. I know I would never find it appropriate to exculde my fiance from attending a wedding with me, nor would I make such arrangements with an ex-flame of mine. I also know that if my fiance were going to go to a wedding and told me that his ex was the maid of honor and that they agreed that both of them would not bring their S.O. there would be h*** to answer for there. Nope, sorry... unacceptable. And yes, he's my fiance, but this would be the same if he were my bf because in my mind, once it is an exclusive relationship with a level of comitment, the rules for appropriateness are the same.
She needs to set her priorities in place and determine what those are... her ex-boyfriend's wishes or her current boyfriends feelings and the message she could be relaying to him.
Okay. Weddings are like catnip to women. The beautiful clothes and flowers. The romance. The music and dancing. The flow of alcohol. If a woman isn't seriously in the mood after a really swell wedding, then there's a problem.
So no matter how well intentioned the GF is, she's walking into this situation and encountering her old flame, too. I would say the odds of a horizontal mambo being performed are about even. I think your buddy needs to go to make sure she does it with him, not the other guy.
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