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Old 06-03-2018, 07:49 PM
 
35,512 posts, read 17,676,943 times
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Who is paying for this wedding, OP?

This is your husband's family that we're discussing here.

Your future sisters in law and your mother in law want to invite more people - because of social obligations/dear friendships than you are allowing.

This is their son/brother's wedding.

Who has put the tight clamps on how many can attend, and why?

A wedding isn't an opportunity for the bride to whip everyone with her wishes, and punch her husband's family in the face.

Did you have a family meeting, where everyone came together on the number of guests to invite, and the venue, and the price of guest meals?

Or at least did you allow your future husband to have some say - any say - that wouldn't cost him sex if he disagreed with you?

Honestly, this is a horrible way to start out a marriage, with you telling your husband's family/friends they can't attend because you've gone WAY WAY over budget on a per guest price.
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Old 06-04-2018, 10:10 AM
 
12,769 posts, read 18,262,887 times
Reputation: 8762
Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC View Post
Who is paying for this wedding, OP?

This is your husband's family that we're discussing here.

Your future sisters in law and your mother in law want to invite more people - because of social obligations/dear friendships than you are allowing.

This is their son/brother's wedding.

Who has put the tight clamps on how many can attend, and why?

A wedding isn't an opportunity for the bride to whip everyone with her wishes, and punch her husband's family in the face.

Did you have a family meeting, where everyone came together on the number of guests to invite, and the venue, and the price of guest meals?

Or at least did you allow your future husband to have some say - any say - that wouldn't cost him sex if he disagreed with you?

Honestly, this is a horrible way to start out a marriage, with you telling your husband's family/friends they can't attend because you've gone WAY WAY over budget on a per guest price.
We are paying.


My fiancé is in full agreement with me.


WE shouldn't need to have a family meeting, family isn't paying for it.
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Old 06-04-2018, 10:13 AM
 
12,769 posts, read 18,262,887 times
Reputation: 8762
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trump_Tower View Post
My wife and I were fine with each other choosing members of his/her wedding party. I told her she didn't have to choose my sister if she didn't want to. My wife told me I didn't have to choose her brothers.

There was no drama when I chose my cousin and two friends, and didn't ask the brothers to be in the wedding party. My sister wasn't happy that my wife didn't choose her. A hissy fit was thrown. We didn't budge. The siblings not chosen for the wedding party got to do Scripture readings at the wedding Mass. We thought that was a nice way to include them.

$160/plate for a fish dinner is just insane. Lots of places are fancy and don't charge nearly as much. It comes across rather ridiculous to complain about the marginal cost for a handful of meals (having to pay the adult vs. the children price) when you're paying 160 clams a head for the entire house of guests. If you don't want to pay it, then just change it to a kid's meal without saying anything, and when it comes up at the wedding (and it will) just say "oops, sorry" and go about with your day.

The fact that we've had to tell you that is a little sad. But, this OP has a habit of starting threads that ask for advice on matters that a functioning adult can usually figure out for him or herself provided that he or she has the courage of conviction to choose a course of action and stick with it. After all, this was the OP who panicked about having to cook for herself with the fiance out of town. Oh good grief.
$160 a plate is not insane.


Look up the price of weddings in NYC & LI ... that's actually on the cheaper side.


The $160 a plate isn't the issue. We are paying for this so if people want to insert their opinions on who to invite and what to eat etc etc, then they can pay.


No pay, no say!!!
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Old 06-04-2018, 10:37 AM
 
1,760 posts, read 2,087,885 times
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I haven't read the full thread but OP I had a similar issue and unfortunately I just had to roll with it. My MIL demanded that my SIL and nephew (ring bearer) and her husband be included in our wedding party even though my husband didn't really want his sister or her husband in our wedding party. She attended my bridal shower and bachelorette but didn't contribute with anything and then her husband had the audacity to complain about how much it cost her to go to my bachelorette. She didn't have to go.
He ruined half our pictures by trying to stand were the best man stood. For some reason he thought he should have been best man...which as really stupid as my husband and his BIL are not close. She had her hair and make up done professionally and they didn't do a good job, my friend, who was doing my make up had to fix her make up because it was so poorly done but my bachelorette apparently was too pricey...again she didn't have to go.

Oh, we also did not receive a gift from them, not even a card. It is not about the gift itself but a nice card would have been nice.

Good luck OP. I feel for you.
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Old 06-04-2018, 10:41 AM
 
35,512 posts, read 17,676,943 times
Reputation: 50476
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jdawg8181 View Post
We are paying.


My fiancé is in full agreement with me.


WE shouldn't need to have a family meeting, family isn't paying for it.
Ok. That's fair.

This is your wedding, you can decide to exclude people your mother in law holds dear.

And I don't mean that as snarky as it sounds, but maybe a little snarky.

And in years to come, it's your baby. So you can decide who gets to come to the baptism (if there is one), who gets invited to the birthday parties, who can take the 8 year old for a weekend with grandma.

You're starting your life out harder, Jdawg, and setting a precedent where you're constantly holding off your husband's family.

Don't be surprised in a generation when your children are less favored than their cousins.

And you may be absolutely okay with that, and happy to reject your husband's family.

My guess is, it won't wear as well with him as the years pass.

Men give in to their brides more easily than they give in to their wives.
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Old 06-04-2018, 11:38 AM
 
12,769 posts, read 18,262,887 times
Reputation: 8762
Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC View Post
Ok. That's fair.

This is your wedding, you can decide to exclude people your mother in law holds dear.

And I don't mean that as snarky as it sounds, but maybe a little snarky.

And in years to come, it's your baby. So you can decide who gets to come to the baptism (if there is one), who gets invited to the birthday parties, who can take the 8 year old for a weekend with grandma.

You're starting your life out harder, Jdawg, and setting a precedent where you're constantly holding off your husband's family.

Don't be surprised in a generation when your children are less favored than their cousins.

And you may be absolutely okay with that, and happy to reject your husband's family.

My guess is, it won't wear as well with him as the years pass.

Men give in to their brides more easily than they give in to their wives.
WE are not having kids so none of that is an issue ... but I get it.


It isn't that we don't want to invite these extra people, we can't afford it. If they want to be so insistent that we invite such & such person, they should give us money to cover those people's plates.
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Old 06-04-2018, 11:52 AM
 
Location: Central Virginia
6,512 posts, read 8,290,285 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jdawg8181 View Post
WE are not having kids so none of that is an issue ... but I get it.


It isn't that we don't want to invite these extra people, we can't afford it. If they want to be so insistent that we invite such & such person, they should give us money to cover those people's plates.
Isn't there also the issue of space? The venue only holds so many, and you're at capacity?

IMO, affordability and space are valid reasons to limit guests.
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Old 06-04-2018, 11:53 AM
 
12,769 posts, read 18,262,887 times
Reputation: 8762
Quote:
Originally Posted by sawyersmom View Post
I haven't read the full thread but OP I had a similar issue and unfortunately I just had to roll with it. My MIL demanded that my SIL and nephew (ring bearer) and her husband be included in our wedding party even though my husband didn't really want his sister or her husband in our wedding party. She attended my bridal shower and bachelorette but didn't contribute with anything and then her husband had the audacity to complain about how much it cost her to go to my bachelorette. She didn't have to go.
He ruined half our pictures by trying to stand were the best man stood. For some reason he thought he should have been best man...which as really stupid as my husband and his BIL are not close. She had her hair and make up done professionally and they didn't do a good job, my friend, who was doing my make up had to fix her make up because it was so poorly done but my bachelorette apparently was too pricey...again she didn't have to go.

Oh, we also did not receive a gift from them, not even a card. It is not about the gift itself but a nice card would have been nice.

Good luck OP. I feel for you.

It seriously blows my mind how people think showing up to any wedding empty-handed is ok!! Now I also think the B&G should not expect anything either, but I think bringing a gift is just an unstated rule people should follow.


I did not ask my fiancé's sisters to be in my party either originally b/c a) they live on the opposite side of the country and I have only meet them once and b) none of them have any money. I felt uncomfortable making them buy a dress, getting hair & make-up etc etc b/c I didn't know what pricepoint they would have been comfortable with. They threw a huge hissy fit, so I ended up asking them and I just said "get any dress you want, in black" because I don't want to be that bride who picks a dress and then they come back & say they can't afford it.


I had a dress picked out that was $400 that my sister actually chose (she is my MOH) and my cousin (who is a BM) and both were fine with it but b/c I now asked his sister's, I could not spring that dress on them due to the money. (My sister may still get it)
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Old 06-04-2018, 11:55 AM
 
12,769 posts, read 18,262,887 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HokieFan View Post
Isn't there also the issue of space? The venue only holds so many, and you're at capacity?

IMO, affordability and space are valid reasons to limit guests.
Yes but his family is saying there will be no-shows so that isn't a valid reason for them. If they did give us money toward these people, we could probably move to a bigger room and we explained that to them but no one wanted to cough up the $$
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Old 06-04-2018, 04:45 PM
 
92 posts, read 53,724 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jdawg8181 View Post

We are paying for this so if people want to insert their opinions on who to invite and what to eat etc etc, then they can pay.
Excuse me, I'm not the one who started a thread airing my dirty laundry.
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