Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Idk...I'm old school when it comes to this...if the man isn't asking, there's a reason.
That reason could simply be that she was ready first, wanted to get married by a certain date for whatever emotional reason, or wanted to prove her devotion by jumping ahead of convention. But that's all hypothetical, because it probably wouldn't be a relationship that would last long enough for thoughts of marriage to enter the picture.
If on consideration of the proposal the man thinks that it's a good fit, I see no reason why he should let convention or pride get in the way. My only caveat to any woman who would propose to a man is that she doesn't ever get to play the "I actually had to propose to you" card. If she has any such resentment about him not asking her, then she shouldn't do it.
If on consideration of the proposal the man thinks that it's a good fit, I see no reason why he should let convention or pride get in the way. My only caveat to any woman who would propose to a man is that she doesn't ever get to play the "I actually had to propose to you" card. If she has any such resentment about him not asking her, then she shouldn't do it.
Good point. This can probably work with a truly feminist woman who truly thinks that gender specific behavior conventions are stupid and it is perfectly OK for any gender to start talking about marriage. In reality, most women like that hate men and would probably not interested in marrying them. So I would thin that female marriage proposals are rare...
Good point. This can probably work with a truly feminist woman who truly thinks that gender specific behavior conventions are stupid and it is perfectly OK for any gender to start talking about marriage. In reality, most women like that hate men and would probably not interested in marrying them. So I would thin that female marriage proposals are rare...
I agree that it's probably relatively rare for women to.propose. Even among feminists, most of them want to get married and seem to want chivalry when it comes to dating and marriage.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,680 posts, read 41,537,277 times
Reputation: 41302
I think if a woman has to ask for any advancement in the relationship or a romantic setting two things are going on. Something is up with her that is giving a guy cause to pause and the guy isn’t interested in any advancing. That extends to proposing.
If a woman proposes to a man, it means she values marriage more than he does. The men I know wouldn't go for letting their woman propose to them.
Using the same logic would this mean almost every married man values marriage more than their wife?
How about the whole speech to both families? It seems its also tradition for a man to be the one that gives the speech to the woman's family letting them know she is in good hands. I don't see why women wouldn't do this to the guy's family as well. It makes sense. When I was engaged, my wife and I flew to see my family, spend a week together, and on a nice dinner she gave the speech to my family. I was melting .
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,506,660 times
Reputation: 7608
Quote:
Originally Posted by hickoryfan
Do you think a man should accept a proposal if a woman pops the question
If he loves her & wants to be married.....I don't see why not....BUT I could never propose to a man. I'm about as non traditional as they come in so many ways but I'm very traditional when it comes to an engagement ring & a proposal from a man. AND IMO...a man might feel like it's more of an ultimatum..& does the bride to be buy her own ring?...
Men like to think they're in charge or it was their idea....
My fiance and I did not have a particular proposal event, where either of us officially popped the question like you see in the movies. We also didn't do any engagement ring deal, and I'm cool with that too...though quite some time ago, he did buy me a beautiful and very unique collar which is significant in our community. So in our circles, I do wear a visible sign of my devotion to him, and that I have been "claimed" and I'm happier with that than I ever would be with a ring. (I hate gold and diamonds too, and the thing of spending a pile of money on a ring is extremely unappealing to me personally.)
I don't remember who mentioned the possibility of getting married first, I think it was me, but it was something like, "We might want to consider getting married, here are the ways in which it would benefit us, I would like to wait until my boys are adults, but give it some thought and let me know how you feel about the idea..." We'd already lived together a while, and our relationship is solid and long term, we'd already talked about many plans for a life-long future together.
But there is something that bothers me. I haven't talked to him about it...I don't honestly know how, because I don't want to make him feel bad, he does a lot for me and I adore him and I think that our relationship is wonderful. If anything it's more of a "love language" disconnect, and the last time I tried to talk about something like that, it just confused him. He felt guilty for hurting my feelings, but despite my many attempts to explain, I don't think he has ever understood exactly what aspect bothered me or why. But the issue I've got...it's not something that sparks resentment, more a bit of sadness I guess... I have done a number of things where I put a lot of thought and planning into how to make something feel special for us. I'll research lodgings and restaurants to make sure that when we go somewhere, whether it's a weekend up in Denver or a week in Phoenix, that I know all aspects of the hotel that we'll enjoy, and I've maximized said enjoyable things for us by choosing the right place to stay...I will have checked out menus online, and noted which restaurants have not only food I would like, but any of his favorites. I once disappeared with a vague excuse, to drive to a nearby mall and get key lime, dark chocolate truffles from the Godiva store simply to surprise him with something I knew he'd love, and I had schemed that a good month in advance.
I don't feel like he plots or plans to surprise me with anything, or create special moments like that. For many people, a proposal is an example of that kind of thing. Even when he gave me the collar, there was no ceremony or specialness to it. He bought it and he put it on my neck one night, after I spotted it and fell in love with it, but he made no secret of buying it for me, he just did it then and there. The reason that this whole overall thing bums me out, is that I do a lot to be "low maintenance" in or out of relationships. But I feel like...because of that, guys feel like they don't have to ever make a fuss, they don't have to do anything for me unless and until I ask for it. I wish that my partner would feel inspired to surprise me. To put effort and forethought into crafting a special experience for me. And I think of "high maintenance" women that I know, they are often women who will be moody and hard to handle, but they get people bending over backwards to make them happy. I don't feel like I should have to be a complete PITA to deserve someone wanting to give me a meaningful experience now and then, it's nothing I don't do for them, and it makes me feel taken for granted that it's been exceptionally rare to have anyone in my life, ever, who would. (The only ones I can think of, were the married couple I dated when I was poly. And I'm pretty sure it was mostly the wife's doing. She is very perceptive and very generous in spirit. I've often thought that if I could have kept dating just her, but not the men in that group, I'd have done so.)
EDIT: I guess the message that I'd put out there to others, and that I wish my fiance (and past partners) could be given to understand, is that just because someone does not demand or require that you do special things for them, doesn't mean they don't want you to or that they would not like or appreciate it.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,506,660 times
Reputation: 7608
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork
My fiance and I did not have a particular proposal event, where either of us officially popped the question like you see in the movies. We also didn't do any engagement ring deal, and I'm cool with that too...though quite some time ago, he did buy me a beautiful and very unique collar which is significant in our community. So in our circles, I do wear a visible sign of my devotion to him, and that I have been "claimed" and I'm happier with that than I ever would be with a ring. (I hate gold and diamonds too, and the thing of spending a pile of money on a ring is extremely unappealing to me personally.)
Your lifestyle of wearing a collar is very different than most.....so for you it's kinda like asking would it be Ok for you to give him the collar. Would your fiance accept your proposal if you gave him the collar?
To each her own.......the idea of a collar is very unappealing to me the way a diamond ring is to you tho I wouldn't want it to be a pile of money if the man couldn't afford it. I just could never propose to a man or buy my own ring......but that's JMO....because I wouldn't be attracted to the type of man that would want to be proposed to anyways.
Your lifestyle of wearing a collar is very different than most.....so for you it's kinda like asking would it be Ok for you to give him the collar. Would your fiance accept your proposal if you gave him the collar?
To each her own.......the idea of a collar is very unappealing to me the way a diamond ring is to you tho I wouldn't want it to be a pile of money if the man couldn't afford it. I just could never propose to a man or buy my own ring......but that's JMO....because I wouldn't be attracted to the type of man that would want to be proposed to anyways.
Yep.
There is no one right way for people to do this whole thing. People need to do what works for them. And I think that if more people understood that basic fact, I'd have almost no threads here to comment on! lol
Lots of men wear collars in my community. I would not be with a man who did. While I'm not entirely sure that I'm a submissive myself, I surely do not care to be in a relationship with one. I've encountered too many online coming off with this "O Goddess let me worship you" shtick and it makes my skin crawl. Definitely not my thing. But yanno, so are lots of things that make other people perfectly happy. I don't get to "yuck" anybody else's "yum."
And a symbol is just a symbol, no matter which a person might prefer.
But to circle back to the question asked by the thread's subject, you would really think that if people are at a point to be considering getting married, that they would KNOW ONE ANOTHER enough to have some sense of how it should be done??? Like if you are the lady who really needs and appreciates for the man to do the asking, and there should be a suitable ring involved, don't you think he should know your personality and character enough to be aware of that? If a man were the sort to feel emasculated or bothered by a woman being the one to ask, then probably she should know him well enough to know that? I can't really understand why this would be a mystery in any situation.
*shrug*...to me, "popping the question" if you don't already know the answer, is weird in and of itself.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
.
