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My cousins son had a destination wedding in Hawaii. The Bride's family is wealthy, my cousin is on disability Medicaid, has been for years for good reasons. She was invited of course but no one offered to cover her expenses. She did not go of course. Marriage only lasted a few years. Destination weddings sound fun but if a hardship for family members who really should be there I think they are exclusionary.
I am not surprised that the marriage only lasted a few years. Any bride and groom that do not make arrangements for the groom's mother (the groom's mother!!!!) to attend their wedding are probably too selfish, too immature, or too self-centered (or all three) to have a successful marriage.
Something similar could have happened in my extended family, too. But, the groom took a second job to save up enough money to make sure that his mother and disabled father could attend the wedding. He paid for the majority of their expenses (as otherwise they wouldn't have been able to attend).
It’s Charleston, not Fiji. Not a destination wedding per se. There are cheaper hotels all around there due to lots of competition. You don’t have to go to the wedding to visit your Dad — you can see him anytime. And don’t worry about it being inconvenient for the others—that is just you projecting your own feelings about it.
It’s Charleston, not Fiji. Not a destination wedding per se. There are cheaper hotels all around there due to lots of competition. You don’t have to go to the wedding to visit your Dad — you can see him anytime. And don’t worry about it being inconvenient for the others—that is just you projecting your own feelings about it.
No, my brother (father of the groom) has been unhappy about it from the beginning- tried gently to encourage them to have it in Charlotte but this is what she wanted. The groom's brother and SIL live in TX and have a one-year old; his sister and BIL live in Atlanta and also have a one-year old. Both could stay in Charlotte at my brother's house (or his lake house nearby) but you're right, I'm sure they're THRILLED to be staying in whatever place they're booking in Charleston. Dad and my brother and SIL, who live near his Assisted Living place, could have brought him up to Charlotte (a couple of hours away) and stayed with their daughter and SIL in Charlotte but I'm sure my 87-year old Dad is thrilled to be staying in a hotel instead.
Oh, wait a minute- I've talked with him. He's not.
It’s Charleston, not Fiji. Not a destination wedding per se. There are cheaper hotels all around there due to lots of competition. You don’t have to go to the wedding to visit your Dad — you can see him anytime. And don’t worry about it being inconvenient for the others—that is just you projecting your own feelings about it.
Well, it may not be Fiji, but if the bride, groom and many guests including both sides of the family & friends live in the same city and the bride insists that the wedding be held in a different city then, IMHO, it is a destination wedding. And, in a destination wedding you can't expect that everyone can afford to attend, even if they would be able to afford to attend a wedding in their hometown.
Quote:
Originally Posted by athena53
No, my brother (father of the groom) has been unhappy about it from the beginning- tried gently to encourage them to have it in Charlotte but this is what she wanted. The groom's brother and SIL live in TX and have a one-year old; his sister and BIL live in Atlanta and also have a one-year old. Both could stay in Charlotte at my brother's house (or his lake house nearby) but you're right, I'm sure they're THRILLED to be staying in whatever place they're booking in Charleston. Dad and my brother and SIL, who live near his Assisted Living place, could have brought him up to Charlotte (a couple of hours away) and stayed with their daughter and SIL in Charlotte but I'm sure my 87-year old Dad is thrilled to be staying in a hotel instead.
Oh, wait a minute- I've talked with him. He's not.
Hmmm, the father of the groom is unhappy at the choice of venue and the grandfather of the groom is unhappy at the choice of venue. It is inconvenient for the brother/SIL of the groom. It is inconvenient for the sister/BIL of the groom. It is inconvenient for the other sister/BIL of the groom. It is inconvenient for the aunt and the niece (and her husband) of the groom. Hmmm, there appears to be a pattern.
But, obviously, I do not know all of the details behind the bride's decision of where to hold the wedding.
Well, it may not be Fiji, but if the bride, groom and many guests including both sides of the family & friends live in the same city and the bride insists that the wedding be held in a different city then, IMHO, it is a destination wedding. And, in a destination wedding you can't expect that everyone can afford to attend, even if they would be able to afford to attend a wedding in their hometown.
Hmmm, the father of the groom is unhappy at the choice of venue and the grandfather of the groom is unhappy at the choice of venue. It is inconvenient for the brother/SIL of the groom. It is inconvenient for the sister/BIL of the groom. It is inconvenient for the other sister/BIL of the groom. It is inconvenient for the aunt and the niece (and her husband) of the groom. Hmmm, there appears to be a pattern.
But, obviously, I do not know all of the details behind the bride's decision of where to hold the wedding.
Quote:
Originally Posted by athena53
Thanks- that's pretty much my point! No idea how her family (also in Charlotte) feels; I've never met them.
I do plan to go cheerfully, try and keep an open mind when meeting her, have a good time and NOT complain about the venue to family or other guests.
It could be as simple as the bride and/or bride's family does not mind spending a lot of money on hotel rooms for events such as weddings and the groom and his family tend to be more frugal.
Years ago, my husband and I, and our kids, once traveled with one of his siblings (and her family) to an out-of-town event. She said that she would make the hotel reservations at a "reasonably priced hotel" (and we would pay for our own rooms). Well, we usually stayed at places like Motel 6 (probably $25 a night at that time) but figured that maybe they would book something like a Holiday Inn (probably $50 a night at that time) so we budgeted more money than usual for the hotel.
Man, oh Man! We discovered that his sister thought that a $250 a night hotel room was "reasonably priced". That was the last time that we did not check out hotel prices for ourselves and book our own hotel room. BTW, his sister couldn't understand why we were shocked at the prices because that is what she/her husband normally paid for hotel rooms when they traveled.
We certainly learned that our definition of "reasonably priced" and their definition of reasonably priced" were very, very different.
We certainly learned that our definition of "reasonably priced" and their definition of reasonably priced" were very, very different.
DS went to his cousin's wedding when he was a few years out of college; it was in NYC and both families were very well-off. (Groom's mother was my late ex-husband's sister; we're on very cordial terms but I was fine with not being invited and happy that DS was.) They got a "great rate" for wedding guests at the Carlyle- I think it was about $350/night. Whatever it was, it WAS a good rate for the Carlyle. I told DS we'd pay for one night and he could pay for the second- OR I'd get him 2 nights at the Doubletree Times Square with Hilton points.
I’m laughing about this. Going to Charleston from Charlotte is not much of a hardship! I’m not sure if you’ve already gone, but you sound like an old scairdy cat making a fuss over this. It’s just not that complicated!
I’m laughing about this. Going to Charleston from Charlotte is not much of a hardship! I’m not sure if you’ve already gone, but you sound like an old scaredy cat making a fuss over this. It’s just not that complicated!
<snip>
You have a serious problem. Seek therapy.
Scaredy cat? Last year I found my way to my Airbnb place in Reykjavik at 1 AM after getting in from the airport and being dropped off someplace nearby (thank heaven the SIM card I bought on board worked on my phone). I've wandered through Europe many times on my own. I've landed in Delhi at 1 AM and found that the driver who was SUPPOSED to pick me up and take me to my hotel wasn't there. No SIM card available. I could go on. No, Charleston does not scare me.
I have multiple nieces and nephews, though, as I noted earlier, who have small children, modest budgets and limited vacation days who either live in Charlotte or could stay with family there but are either driving long distances for the day or trying to find decently-priced accommodations.
I've had therapy in the past but haven't needed it since I divorced my first husband in 1997.
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