Destination wedding when parents are sick? (marriage, invite, wedding gifts, money)
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My friend is having a destination wedding in Florida (her and her fiancées second marriages). Before the wedding was even booked her fiancées mom was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and can’t go to the wedding. My friend mother is 78 and recently had a heart attack and her father is 85 and has arrhythmia. Yet she still expects them to fly 2 hours (which they are) to her wedding. I’ve already dished out about $1500 so far for airfare and hotel and then also need to get a dress and a wedding gift etc....and her brother has 6 kids and they are all driving so his her other brother since none can afford to fly. Isn’t it a bit selfish? And also how can you expect wedding gifts when people are already spending so much money to get there?
Yes it is selfish. Anytime I find out that someone I know is having a destination wedding, I decline going. I think they don't really care of people go anyway, hence why they decided to have it at a destination. They are all about themselves, so let them be by themselves.
Yes, I went through this with a niece-by-marriage. (See "This better be the wedding of the century" thread.) It wasn't quite that bad- she chose Charleston when both sides of the family lived in Charlotte , so everyone had to drive, at least (I flew in from KC) and no one could stay with family so we all had to get hotels and it happened to be during something called Restaurant Week so the prices were even steeper.
You do what you can when you're invited to one of these things- I chose to go because I can afford it and it was good family time. I'm very glad I did. If it had been in someplace I didn't want to go (Hawaii or Disney World) I might have declined. Very sad about the MIL with Stage 4 cancer who can't go, though- it would have been far kinder to have the wedding locally so she could be there.
Selfish? I'd go as far as saying she is a nasty, selfish Mod cut. and maybe another word. Normally I'd just say selfish and inconsiderate but because of the very sick elderly parents I'm going for it. She's truly awful (and the fiancé too for allowing it). Why are you friends?
Last edited by PJSaturn; 10-18-2019 at 05:00 PM..
Reason: Inappropriate language.
OP you've started threads about some FL destination wedding and your inability to afford it before, maybe more than one. Is this the SAME wedding or another one? Why do you accept invitations to weddings you say you can't afford to attend? No one is being forced. Send them a gift.
I suspect we don't know the whole story here. This family may have discussed having a private celebration for the benefit of the sick relatives already but they decided to travel anyway. Why are you sticking your nose into it? Are you searching for ways to make these people look bad and to ease your conscience for resenting your expenses?
Last edited by Parnassia; 05-13-2019 at 07:23 PM..
OP you've started threads about some FL destination wedding and your inability to afford it before, maybe more than one. Is this the SAME wedding or another one? Why do you accept invitations to weddings you say you can't afford to attend? No one is being forced. Send them a gift.
I suspect we don't know the whole story here. This family may have discussed having a private celebration for the benefit of the sick relatives already but they decided to travel anyway. Why are you sticking your nose into it? Are you searching for ways to make these people look bad and to ease your conscience for resenting your expenses?
No. I think it's a legit question. Destination weddings are definitely for narcissists.
If you're a parent, just about the only thing you want in life is to see your kids happy. That's pretty much it. And watching your kids get married is one of those events that, if humanly possible, you should be allowed to witness.
Here the mother is gravely ill and the father has difficulty traveling, but the only that matters to the bride-to-be is the setting where she can say her vows? It ain't the Ziegfeld Follies whether the most important thing is the backdrop, but rather the uniting of two families. Let me say that again. A marriage is an important event in the life of two families, not just two people.
My brother is a narcissist to the core. His first wedding was an over-the-top affair to a bimbo. We all dutifully tripped out to LA for the thing and had good attitudes, even though we kind of suspected the entire enterprise was doomed. And, six weeks later, it was. The next two weddings? Nobody from either families were invited. His second wife? My elderly mother had one thirty-minute conversation with her new daughter-in-law's mom over the phone. The third wife? Same spiel with an after-the-fact notification.
I mean, the last time I checked, we're all well-educated people with moderate political leanings, good manners, nicely-dressed, and rather gregarious. But for some reason, he just didn't want his family there on his wedding day, instead choosing to hang out with his LA friends. It's not an either/or proposition. Of course the fact that he keeps marrying angry neurotics might have something to do with it. Either way, my mom felt snubbed and I can't really blame her.
Mind you, all we have to go on is the OP's account, but I can't imagine a person blithely tripping off to Key West to get hitched while her mother is enduring chemotherapy. Especially if she had that knowledge before the planning.
I can't imagine having a destination wedding with a Mother that seriously ill. Nor would I expect elderly relatives to travel for a wedding. However.......maybe she or the groom have never had good relationships with their parents. I realize some parents are awful; although why invite them then?
Where do the groom’s parents live, and what is the state of their health?
If they live in Florida and are elderly, that may explain the wedding location. When the bride’s parents and the groom’s parents live nowhere near each other, any location chosen is going to be a “destination wedding” for at least one family.
Selfish? I'd go as far as saying she is a nasty, selfish [Snip.] and maybe another word. Normally I'd just say selfish and inconsiderate but because of the very sick elderly parents I'm going for it. She's truly awful (and the fiancé too for allowing it). Why are you friends?
I agree.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 10-18-2019 at 05:02 PM..
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