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We got married kind of spur of the moment 5 years ago, i was pregnant and it was exactly a shotgun wedding, more of a "lost my health insurance and medicaid was taking to long" wedding so we got married at the JP so i could get on his insurance. When i went on maternity leave as an EMT at 5 months i lost my insurance (which i was told wouldnt happen, naive) and medicaid told me it would take 4 months to get (i was recovering from my delivery when they called to process the paperwork). So we got married. We never meant it to be "the wedding" we werent even going to tell people but then life got in the way and here we are 5 years later. There wasnt even a nice dinner to commemorate the occasion. So next summer (which is technically 6 years) i was considering doing a destination vow renewal with only our closest family, jamaica or something similar at a sandals resort utilizing one of their package deals.
So the question is, is it appropriate to have a vow renewal with just our parents and siblings since they werent invited the first time or is it tacky since its only 5 years? We obviously wouldnt expect or ask for gifts and would most likely pay for all the food and drink for the event but they would have to pay for their flights and hotel rooms.
I WILL however clear this with the people who would be invited to be sure its doable so people dont feel obligated if they cant swing it.
Thoughts?
btw we are going through some stuff right now, as some people may have seen on my other posts. This would only happen if we make it through the other side.
We got married kind of spur of the moment 5 years ago, i was pregnant and it was exactly a shotgun wedding, more of a "lost my health insurance and medicaid was taking to long" wedding so we got married at the JP so i could get on his insurance. When i went on maternity leave as an EMT at 5 months i lost my insurance (which i was told wouldnt happen, naive) and medicaid told me it would take 4 months to get (i was recovering from my delivery when they called to process the paperwork). So we got married. We never meant it to be "the wedding" we werent even going to tell people but then life got in the way and here we are 5 years later. There wasnt even a nice dinner to commemorate the occasion. So next summer (which is technically 6 years) i was considering doing a destination vow renewal with only our closest family, jamaica or something similar at a sandals resort utilizing one of their package deals.
So the question is, is it appropriate to have a vow renewal with just our parents and siblings since they werent invited the first time or is it tacky since its only 5 years? We obviously wouldnt expect or ask for gifts and would most likely pay for all the food and drink for the event but they would have to pay for their flights and hotel rooms.
I WILL however clear this with the people who would be invited to be sure its doable so people dont feel obligated if they cant swing it.
Thoughts?
btw we are going through some stuff right now, as some people may have seen on my other posts. This would only happen if we make it through the other side.
I honestly would not bring it up to your family members until you shore up your marriage.
If you start talking about a vow renewal and then end up separated in 6 months or sooner, it will just add confusion and embarrassment to an already difficult situation.
I honestly would not bring it up to your family members until you shore up your marriage.
If you start talking about a vow renewal and then end up separated in 6 months or sooner, it will just add confusion and embarrassment to an already difficult situation.
Youre absolutely correct, we would/i would NEVER mention anything about it until we are out the other side of all this, and only if i feel inclined to do this afterward. I was just thinking on the future. I would lose my mind right now if i couldnt at least visualize a future
Assuming you get those loose ends tied up, I would not mind any type of vow renewal, destination with family or a local celebration. I would, however, make it very clear you neither want nor expect gifts, because I would consider that a gift-grab.
We got married kind of spur of the moment 5 years ago, i was pregnant and it was exactly a shotgun wedding, more of a "lost my health insurance and medicaid was taking to long" wedding so we got married at the JP so i could get on his insurance. When i went on maternity leave as an EMT at 5 months i lost my insurance (which i was told wouldnt happen, naive) and medicaid told me it would take 4 months to get (i was recovering from my delivery when they called to process the paperwork). So we got married. We never meant it to be "the wedding" we werent even going to tell people but then life got in the way and here we are 5 years later. There wasnt even a nice dinner to commemorate the occasion. So next summer (which is technically 6 years) i was considering doing a destination vow renewal with only our closest family, jamaica or something similar at a sandals resort utilizing one of their package deals.
So the question is, is it appropriate to have a vow renewal with just our parents and siblings since they werent invited the first time or is it tacky since its only 5 years? We obviously wouldnt expect or ask for gifts and would most likely pay for all the food and drink for the event but they would have to pay for their flights and hotel rooms.
I WILL however clear this with the people who would be invited to be sure its doable so people dont feel obligated if they cant swing it.
Thoughts?
btw we are going through some stuff right now, as some people may have seen on my other posts. This would only happen if we make it through the other side.
Most resorts in the Caribbean are all inclusive so their drinks and food would be rolled into the hotel cost (and Sandals is super expensive, btw). If this isn't a vacation y'all would normally take as a family, I would suggest not doing a destination vow renewal. The cost is a big ask.
The last time DH and I spent 5 nights in Cancun at an all inclusive (and it was a low tier resort), the trip had a total cost of about $3500.
IMO, the vow renewal is not tacky. Asking your family to spend thousands of dollars to attend your vow renewal is tacky.
I was thinking only being my mother and step father in law, my sister and her husband and my father and step mother in law. Not sandals necessarily but a resort similar to that. And I also think a beautiful mountain lodge would be great too. Our family is all spread out which is why I want to do a destination. Although 4k is really steep I didnt realize they were so expensive. We have family in NC, FL, NY, NJ
I don’t think a vow renewal is necessarily tacky, but involving major expenses for your relatives to attend at a distant destination certainly is.
I know a number of people who will not even go to the Caribbean and Cancun now - too many weird things happening at resorts with doctored drinks, etc.
Stick to a closer place on the East coast for your family, but some of those relatives will still have to drive or fly and spend several nights in a hotel (plus maybe use vacation time). Only you know if they will be happy to do this.
It might be a better idea to work out your marriage issues and then use your money for a nice delayed honeymoon.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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I love big lavish weddings....but vow renewals are kinda personal IMO. Some don’t even like destination weddings so a destination vow renewal might not go over so big....& if they know it’s just a small group they may feel obligated to come...& bring a gift.....
My marriage & wedding was rushed...because my now ex husband accepted a job in another state...so I kinda get why you wanna do this....BUT....work on the stuff you are going through 1st....that is super more important than celebrating love you aren’t sure of.......and it will just confuse people......
Take a honeymoon & renew your vows alone IMO *if you are sure* & if you can work stuff out.....
Last edited by TashaPosh; 10-11-2019 at 10:59 AM..
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Or even Atlantic City of you dare...
