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Frank is my fiancé’s close cousin and Susan is his wife. Then her daughter is his 2nd cousin.
I was thinking about saying something like hey, under normal circumstances, we could accommodate this (not really but you catch my drift, haha!) but with Covid still being a concern, we are limiting our guests to our close friends and family.
But...ARE you? If you've got people coming in from out of town, they'd be exposing everyone to the same risk, regardless if the 2 little girls came, or if the daughter and BFF came. And if you were keeping it to close friends and family...what about the plus 1's?
I get being bugged about it. But really, how does it hurt anyone (really) if daughter brings her BFF? If it were me, I'd just let it go, and let this woman bring her daughter and BFF. It's your husband's family. Why get off to a bad start with them, over nothing really.
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"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
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Originally Posted by Sassybluesy
But...ARE you? If you've got people coming in from out of town, they'd be exposing everyone to the same risk, regardless if the 2 little girls came, or if the daughter and BFF came. And if you were keeping it to close friends and family...what about the plus 1's?
I get being bugged about it. But really, how does it hurt anyone (really) if daughter brings her BFF? If it were me, I'd just let it go, and let this woman bring her daughter and BFF. It's your husband's family. Why get off to a bad start with them, over nothing really.
I would too.
Wedding snubs follow the couple forever. If she were asking to bring an infant, or several people no one knows, that's one thing.
When you marry into a family you need to appear to be open and accommodating, and not put off your fiance's family right from the very starting gate.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Originally Posted by sweetjess1951
Hey there! I’m getting married on October 3 and had an RSVP that caught me off guard and before responding the way I feel, I’m just curious if anyone has had this happen to them and if I’m being “unfair” by saying no.
Anyways.... kind of quick story. Sent out the RSVPs and got one back from a couple (we will call them Frank and Susan) that included them and 1 other person. I was unsure who the 3rd person was since Susan told me that her 2 little girls (both under 10) wouldn’t be coming.
I reach out to Susan to inquire about the 3rd person and she responded that her daughter (we invited her daughter and her daughter’s husband, honestly, out of courtesy. They invited us to their wedding last year and are technically family, although I’ve never personally spoken to either one of them) has this “thing” were her best friend tags along to all the weddings she goes to and figured since her little girls weren’t coming, that she could add on her daughter’s friend to the RSVP. Without asking me. Just sent in the RSVP with an additional person.
I’m honestly pretty shocked, haha!
Am I being reasonable by telling her no, she can’t bring some rando neither me or my fiancé has met and isn’t in our family or friend group, or is there an argument that she was given 2 additional RSVPs for her little girls, so proper etiquette on my end would be to let her use them?
If you sent out the invitation to a single "and guest".......IMO they can bring whoever they want. Lots of ppl bring "strangers" that the wedding couple won't know.....when it's a date.
BUT....this is super weird because the invitation was for a couple & there was no guest included. It's creepy & rude IMO...specially since David & Shannon are a couple. IMO you aren't being unreasonable to say something.....BUT decide what their friendship means to you cause they may get super offended if you do.
We don't even plan to invite children to our reception....but our new plan is an open house. So it will be couples or single ppl with a guest.
It's very presumptuous of them, but, I can only assume since you didn't mention price per head, it's not a financial issue. The more the merrier. It's just very odd.
But...ARE you? If you've got people coming in from out of town, they'd be exposing everyone to the same risk, regardless if the 2 little girls came, or if the daughter and BFF came. And if you were keeping it to close friends and family...what about the plus 1's?
I get being bugged about it. But really, how does it hurt anyone (really) if daughter brings her BFF? If it were me, I'd just let it go, and let this woman bring her daughter and BFF. It's your husband's family. Why get off to a bad start with them, over nothing really.
I understand the travel aspect of it. I wasn't negating that people are coming from out of town. Its been tough planning the wedding during Covid anyways, and trying to be respectful of everyone. At the end of the day, there is still going to be a risk, whether 20 people come or 75 people come.
We didn't give anyone plus 1s, meaning, no one was given the option to bring someone else. All my single friends who are not in a serious relationship where not given the option to bring anyone additional. Now, if they are married, I don't count that as a plus one. They are invited as a couple.
I think its also about the principle. This isn't a birthday party or a dinner that she invited the BFF to. Its our wedding. I think we should be able to decide who is coming to our wedding and celebrating the start of our lives together, and not have to find out via a sent in RSVP, then reaching out via FB, that someone who is a random stranger to us both, is planning on attending our wedding. I just feel like we should have the say in who attends our wedding, pandemic or not. Or at least asked if we mind. And my fiance is on the same page as me. We see these people maybe once in a couple years.
Not to mention the additional cost... we have to pay for her food and alcohol, which is pretty expensive TBH.
It's very presumptuous of them, but, I can only assume since you didn't mention price per head, it's not a financial issue. The more the merrier. It's just very odd.
Oh no, its definitely financial as well. Its gotten a little out of hand, haha!
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"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 7 days ago)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KemBro71
How is it a snub if the rando was never on anyone's invite list ever?
Neither of us know the family dynamics here; and the OP has not answered when I asked how her fiancé feels about saying no to his cousin.
It's a snub of a request made by a person in her husband's family, that truly seems simple enough to accommodate. If a family member's request is easy to accommodate, my life experience tells me you should go ahead and do it. The wedding sets the stage for the marriage; and the fact that the OP is unwilling to grant this request doesn't bode well for the future of how she intends to treat her husband's family, IMHO.
(This isn't like asking to bring a crying baby, or a mentally ill adult who will very likely create a horrible disturbance, etc. This is someone breaching etiquette rules and asking to bring an uninvited but presumedly acceptably behaving friend to a wedding).
(This isn't like asking to bring a crying baby, or a mentally ill adult who will very likely create a horrible disturbance, etc. This is someone breaching etiquette rules and asking to bring an uninvited but presumedly acceptably behaving friend to a wedding).
Well, either one of those guests could indeed be welcome and invited at someone else's wedding regardless of whether they'd "create a horrible disturbance" or not.
I would too like to know more about what her fiance thinks but if it was a mutual agreement to stick to the invites as is, I would be fine holding the line on this rando. It's only a snub in the eyes of the beholder.
My wife and I had a strict and very much mutual "no kids" at our wedding and we know a couple people are still a miffed about it two decades later. Not our problem and it's their wasted energy feeling snubbed.
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