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If I was in your shoes, here are the things I would closely examine and ask myself:
Do your parents and daughter want you to stay because you all are a close knit family OR do they like having you near because you babysit, run errands, etc. doing things for them?
Also, why are you so anxious to move back to WV? Friends, relatives, or what? Remember... you can never "go back" - things are never the same as when you left.
Can you afford a second place in WV? You could come here and stay a month or 4 and head back to TN once in awhile. I think the dialysis place is in Kanawha city.(if you want to come to Chas)
If I was in your shoes, here are the things I would closely examine and ask myself:
Do your parents and daughter want you to stay because you all are a close knit family OR do they like having you near because you babysit, run errands, etc. doing things for them?
Also, why are you so anxious to move back to WV? Friends, relatives, or what? Remember... you can never "go back" - things are never the same as when you left.
My daughter dont have any kids yet,and I dont do a whole lot for them,nor do I do a whole lot for my parents,but I am here when needed.I dont know if its just the thought of being here or what.There have been times out of the 16 yrs that we have missed WV,more than other times,but we really do miss it.It just seems like we are so distant out here,all alone or something.My husband has 8 siblings,and there families in WV.We do visit WV,2 times a yr,and I just feel like I need to be in WV instead of TN,but every time I think IM ready,my daughter gives me this whats in WV,you wont be happy,why do you want to leave speech,and it just breaks my heart.We moved to TN,when she was 3,so Tn is her home.
I can agree that guilt tripping is pretty lame, but it sounds as if your family might be too dependent upon you to leave right away. You sound like someone who's put a good deal of her life into her family, and I think you'll have regrets if you don't go the extra mile to wean them off or give them the chance to realize what's best for all.
Elderly issues- How old are they? There's plenty of evidence to suggest that relocating them will contribute to their decline if they're very old, particularly if they didn't come up with the idea themselves. It's got to do with the million decisions and habits they've made for themselves over decades- the auto pilot brain. Suddenly having to make those decisions all over again tends to stress them out and they lose all confidence. Well meaning children generously buying parents a high end condo to make their lives easier has been known to translate to unintended mental deterioration.
I really wanted my grandmother to come with me to WV but she's very happy in her senior complex, has relationships & routines that are long established and we're doing our best to keep her as independent as possible for as long as we can. Her memory gets to be trouble, the bills don't get paid, the coffee pot left on nearly starting a fire... there's auto pay bill service, a pill minder and a programmable auto shutoff coffee makers. I modified her apartment to make sure she didn't climb for things- everything is at eye level or waist level. Giving up driving really depressed her but we hooked her up with the public transport for seniors service so her world wouldn't shrink too much. There will come a day when no adaptive equipment will be enough and we'll be forced to take more control over her life than she'd prefer. Just the nature of our mortal existence. One day at a time, and try to be respectful of her wishes as best we can. She knows our doors are open whenever she decides it's too much. When we push it, she only hides what's really going on. Taking over her life by force would kill her sooner than a broken hip living alone.
Your daughter- she's got a whole other set of life challenges ahead. I didn't catch her age but economics, education, social life and job opportunities are very important in a young persons life. If she can't see that WV has opportunity for her I can see why she'd be nervous or anxious. Will she miss graduation with her lifelong pals? Is she very introverted and doesn't make friends easily? Can you research out the schools that suit her interests or aptitudes and use that as a benchmark for location? If she's a bit older- 20 somethings usually want independence but need the safety net of parents nearby, or even the ability to move back home if they get themselves in too much of a bind. Perhaps she'd feel better about it if you bought a set of cell phones to close the gap of distance- verizon had a decent family plan last I checked.
I think kooks idea is a good one. If you can swing it financially, it might be a better idea to gradually phase yourself out of TN with a second home in WV for the sake of giving the family adjustment time. Perhaps sell your daughter the TN house? Just an idea.
As for my parents,my dad is 74,mom is 68They are determined,that there not moving back to WV.My point is my dad is on dialysis,and anything can happen at any time.My mom dont drive,and in this area there is no transportation.If something happened to him,he was put in the hospital,etc,I dont know what she would do.I do know that they are,and will be perfectly content with me staying out here,knowing that I really want to move.As far as my daughter,she is 19,she got married,right after she graduated.She was married a yr this past June.She is usually very adult like,works at the courthouse everyday etc,but boy is she ever acting childish right now.I knew that she would be hurt,and bothered but she is being unreal.She dont have kids right now,but she says I just dont understand why you would want to be that far away from your grand kids etc.She has used everything possible.She even told me that she would never forgive me.We cant afford a house there and here or thats what we would do.I know that if I wait and my parents get sicker,and I have grand kids,I probably never will get back to WV
Those who act like a child should be treated like a child. It's over the knee time for your daughter.
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