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There is a medical distinction. We've all heard about people having guts
Or balls, but do you really know the difference between them? In an
Effort to keep you informed, the definitions are listed below:
GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met
By your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: ''Are you still
Cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?''
BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of
Perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt
And having the balls to say: ''You're next, fatty.''
I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically
Speaking, there is no difference in the outcome, since both ultimately
Result in death.
Location: Oklahoma(formerly SoCalif) Originally Mich,
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A doctor walked into a bank. Preparing to endorse a check, he pulled a rectal thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tried to 'write' with it.
Realising his mistake, he looked at the thermometer with annoyance and said, "Well that's great, just great.....some a$$ho**'s got my pen."
Two hillbillies walk into a bar. While having a shot of whisky, they talk about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. And, after a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallar?'
The woman shakes her head no.
Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'
The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar.
His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heard of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't never seed nobody do it!'
Two weeks ago was my 40th birthday and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning. I went to breakfast knowing my wife would say, "Happy Birthday" - and probably have a present for me. She didn't even say, "Good Morning" let alone any "Happy Birthday."
I thought, "Well, that's wives for you... the children will remember."
The children came in to breakfast and didn't say a word. When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent. As I walked into my office my gorgeous secretary, Heather, said, "Good morning, boss. Happy Birthday." And I felt a little better - someone had remembered.
I worked until noon. Then Heather knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside and it's your birthday, let's go to lunch - just you and me."
I said, "That's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go."
We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go - we went out to the country to a little private place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously. On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day. We don't need to go back to the office, do we?"
I said, "No, I guess not."
She said, "Let's go to my apartment." I thought to myself, "This could be a really GREAT birthday!"
After arriving at her apartment she said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go change."
"Sure," I excitedly replied.
She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes, she came out carrying a big birthday cake, followed by my wife, children, and dozens of our friends, all singing Happy Birthday.
My response- Gee, ya think?!! Well who woke up Timmy?
US treasury secretary Geithner says unemployment is 'terribly high'
The treasury secretary Timothy Geithner warned today that US unemployment was "terribly high" and would remain "unacceptably high for a very long time". The Obama administration was "very worried" about the jobless rate, Geithner said in an interview, which has soared to almost 10% in the wake of the worst economic downturn since the depression. US treasury secretary Geithner says unemployment is 'terribly high' | Business | The Guardian
Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a Hotel and Donald wanted to have sex with Daisy.
The first thing Daisy asked was, 'Do you have a condom?' Donald frowned and said, 'No.'
Daisy told Donald that if he didn't get a condom, they could not have sex. 'Maybe they sell them at the front desk,' she suggested.
So Donald went down to the lobby and asked the hotel clerk if they had condoms.'Yes, we do,' the clerk said and pulled a box out from under the counter and gave it to Donald.
The clerk asked, 'Would you like me to put them on your bill?
'Thit No!' Donald quacked, I'll thuffocate!!
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