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Old 03-28-2008, 10:21 AM
Location: kronenwetter
537 posts, read 1,836,169 times
Reputation: 123


Kate is so upbeat and positive. Her husband has great insight into relocating. I was impressed talking to him. When we were with them, I can see why people gravitate towards talking to them. They are interested in you and put you at ease.
Tomcat, my cousin's daugther is graduating from Madison as a pharmacist, her school was so small it also did not offer AP classes, they were in Michigan not WI. She still went to Madison on a full ride because of her ACT scores and GPA.
Good luck Tomcat.
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Old 03-28-2008, 11:33 AM
Location: Wonderful Wisconsin!!!
375 posts, read 1,252,143 times
Reputation: 140
BacktoNE,why are you so shocked that there are no AP classes. I checked out my husband's info on Maine. I found plenty of schools there that offer no AP classes. This list is 2 years old but among them were Calais, North Anson, Buckfield, Danforth and there were more. When budget cuts happen often AP teachers are the 1st cut.

Anyway tomcat, I talked to our guidance counselor. He said if your school does not offer AP classes then your daughter should look into the virtual schools that offer AP classes. She could take them through there. And don't forget an AP class is only as good as the person teaching it. They still have to pass the test to get credit. So if your daughter is a quick learner it may be to her advantage to do them on her own.

Some colleges don't even accept AP classes and our guidance counselor also said they look at the overall picture, grades, activities, test scores etc. So if your daughter knows where she wants to go to college you might want to check and see if they even take AP classes.
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Old 03-28-2008, 11:54 AM
Location: Wonderful Wisconsin!!!
375 posts, read 1,252,143 times
Reputation: 140
The other thing I wanted to add sometimes distance is not a bad thing for a relationship. I met my husband when he was doing graduate work in IL. I was a nurse. He had to serve an internship for 9 months in Montana. We had been dating for a year and we only saw each other twice for a weekend. Three months after he came back we got engaged and we married 6 months later and moved back out to Montana.

So even though your son doesn't get to see his girlfriend all the time, the relationship can work out.

I don't know about sending your kids back east to live with relatives either. My husband stayted back in NH for 2 months while I was here with my younger 2 kids. We knew it was only 2 months and they were here for Thanksgiving and Christmas but I still missed my daughter and my husband missed being here for our other kids activities. And he was jealous when we would go somewhere and they were stuck out east. We went tailgating at Lambeau for the Packer/Giant playoff game and it is still a sore point with him. Family is too important for us to want to do that again.
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Old 03-28-2008, 01:49 PM
Location: Middleton, Wisconsin
4,229 posts, read 16,467,143 times
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We have plenty of AP classes at my old high school in Portage, WI. I think Waunakee has them to.
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Old 03-28-2008, 02:49 PM
22 posts, read 55,975 times
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I'd rather not say where we are located if thats alright. My son and daughter have applied for Insight School of Wisconsin, a virtual school, as well as some other high schools. As to the idea of sending them to live with relatives, that's impossible because we don't have any relatives in the country besides my husband's cousin in Rochester, NY. We are originally from Wales, and moved because of my husband's job. We do have a son in NY also, because he started college when we lived there and then we moved to Massachusetts. The kids really want to live with friends, but I don't like that idea. They are my kids and I want them here. But they ask everyday and ask when can we move,..ect. It is not possible to move at this time as my husband's company bought our old house. We couldn't sell it ourselves because of the bad housing market. Now, if we did move from here, we would have to pay back all the moving expenses. Personally, I didn't like Massachusetts and want to move back to New York. The kids would settle for New York, which we looked into. We were thinking my husband could stay here and we could get a small apartment. However, we came to the conclusion that was not feesible. So, my daughter will hopefully get to do the advanced courses she wants to and volunteer, but the social life is still an issue. She tells me she doesn't feel like hanging out with the kids here and she always wants to sleep. She says she is depressed and took an online quiz on depression and got a 60%. My older son, not the 17 year old but I have a 19 year is clinically depressed. He has a pyschiatrist. He was fine in New York and then when we moved to Massachusetts, the high school was very large, which was fine for the other kids, but he has hearing problems. We think he got made fun of, and after 9th grade he stopped going to school. He started playing World of War Craft and now that's all he does. He started school again when we moved here, but that only lasted a few weeks. He might get his G.E.D. at home, but this puts a lot of stress on us and the other kids. Any advice on any of this is welcome.
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Old 03-28-2008, 03:00 PM
Location: Chicago
38,704 posts, read 95,261,918 times
Reputation: 29787
Originally Posted by tomcat6 View Post
I'd rather not say where we are located if thats alright.
Nobody here is asking for your specific address. Even a general area ("I'm near such and such a town" or "I'm in XXX county") might be useful. What's with the paranoia? Afraid someone might actually be able to give suggestions and erode your basis for complaining?

You might also try breaking your posts into paragraphs. Your huge blocks of text are hard to read.
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Old 03-28-2008, 03:10 PM
2,133 posts, read 5,513,557 times
Reputation: 1411
Of course you don't have to say where you are living, but it makes it harder for people to help you. I wish you luck in whatever you decide to do. NY is a very nice State and hopefully you will eventually be able to make your way back but, in the meantime, I hope your kids can find a situation that is tolerable for them.
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Old 03-28-2008, 03:35 PM
Location: Metro Milwaukee, WI
3,198 posts, read 11,941,680 times
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tomcat -

I think part of this (and it is really hard to say with a lack of info over an internet chat forum) is just kind of preferring to wallow in misery rather than sucking it up and making the best of things. They need to learn that lesson sooner or later - life doesn't always go how we want - and we sometimes just need to suck it up and make the best of things.

Sorry, but as I read this all, I keep coming back to thinking a real dose of tough love is what you need to do. I realize teenagers are a bear and are hard to always parent, but they need a kick in the pants. As you said, you are the parent, they are the kids...that is the attitude you need to take.

Part of this also sounds like you are disappointed to be living in WI yourself so that is partially why you aren't giving them a bit more of some tough love here.

Look, I am in WI currently, I wish I hadn't left where I was formerly (Albuquerque, NM). However, while this isn't my IDEAL spot like Albuquerque was, I am making the best of it. Sure, I have thoughts in the back of my head about trying to get back to the Southwest, but for now, every day, I am not going to mope around and allow myself to use the "depressed" thing to not try to improve my day-to-day situation.

Those who have lived in multiple locations will attest that there is good and bad in every area. Using that "this place is horrible, now I will just sit around and mope" type thing is a cop-out. Self-pity is one of the most destructive of all human emotions.

Again, I realize that teenage years and emotions are especially difficult, but that is where the parent needs to step in! There are particular girls my parents would NOT wish for me to date when I was younger (even though I would vigorously have protested at the time), things they wouldn't buy for me (even though I would've been very angry with them at the time), places they wouldn't let me go (even though I would be all crabby about it and felt so justified at the time). Yet, they held their ground. They were my parents, not my buddies. And at the end of the day I am so darn glad they did. That is the stuff that teaches you important lessons for life later down the road. Teenagers are tough...its why parenting - loving and compassionate but firm parenting - is so important in those years.

Here is the bottom line. Besides self-pity (which is one of the most destructive human emotions), I have learned that just yearning for the past is also very counter-productive and pointless.

For example, if I sit here every day and just pout and beat myself up that my wife and I moved to WI and did things like buying a house that got us kind of temporarily "stuck" here, and did the whole "woe is me" thing, that is just going to lead to more depression, is going to make me self-defeated, etc., etc., etc. Better though is to a) make the best of the situation at hand (again, EVERY place has its good, and honestly, Wisconsin has more than its good), and b) if you don't like your situation, think of the positive ways to improve / change it. Again, in my example, I think of ways I can perhaps eventually get back down to ABQ, rather than just moan because I miss it.

A few more things...

Originally Posted by tomcat6 View Post
Yes, we do pay for our son to fly back each month, because he wants to continue his relationship with his girlfriend.
You'll have to excuse that alot of the forum members here would not understand this whatsoever, myself included.

You say that he is at the age of dropping out of school if he so chooses, and he says he'll do just that if he can't go back to see his girlfriend.

So basically, by the threat of his dropping out, you cave in and fly him back?? I don't get that at all.

So what does that teach him? If he wants, he can threaten later for you to buy him a car...if you don't buy it, he'll drop out. Well, the precedence has been set. Sorry, while I would hate to see any kid drop out of school, again this is something where tough love is needed. He'd be cutting his own throat by dropping out - that would be his choice.

I cannot even fathom me as a teenager coming to my parents demanding they buy me a plane ticket once a month to fly to the coast to see a girl when I was 16...an age where you are very likely to have so many more boy/girl friends in the future. My folks would've either laughed at me or grounded me for being an idiot. And now that I am an adult myself and a dad, I would've had no respect in retrospect for them had they done it!

The other thing I would have is if you and all of your kids were so hesitant to move, why did you move? Why did you pick a rural area to move to? These are the types of answers you need to provide - at least to yourself - to even start to broach why the situation is so broken.

You are the parent. It is in my opinion time to set the tone in the house, and that is to a) make the best of the situation, and b) not allowing any self-pity or wallowing (including yourself).

Hey, if you guys have moved that much already, what isn't to say that in a couple of years (if not sooner) you'll all be moving again?
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Old 03-28-2008, 06:32 PM
Location: Wonderful Wisconsin!!!
375 posts, read 1,252,143 times
Reputation: 140
EnjoyEP what an excellent post. We have never, even in NH, which my kids hated, ever let them sit around and mope. They had to volunteer in the community. We moved a couple of times when I was a kid. I wasn't thrilled but my parents would have never let me dicate where we were living. And once I was in the new place I knew it was up to me to make new friends.
I love the adventure of discovering new places. My older daughter can't wait to go to college. She is looking at where she will study abroad. She has told me when she is done, she would like to live out west for a few years and then come back to the midwest when she is ready to have a family.
I equate it to the pioneer spirit. Some people aren't afraid of change and embrace it.
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Old 03-28-2008, 08:07 PM
22 posts, read 55,975 times
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No, our son does not dictate what we do. He has said he will drop out, but that is not the reason we let him fly back. That is out of the kindness of our hearts, not because of his threats. We know it would be damaging to him if he did that and I think he realizes that too. We were forced to move because my husband lost his job and there were no jobs in Massachusetts. We starting looking out of state and he found his current job. Though the kids were so reluctant, I don't think he realized the impact the move would have. We know the kids should be making friends, but they're not. They go to school and come home and thats it. They hate the school very much and we have tried to think of ways to move somewhere else instead of moping. So far we havn't come up with any answers. On a more positive note, I am open to suggestions as to how to get the kids more involved if they are willing. My daughter has already applied to volunteer at an animal shelter.
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