Nothing in Common with Coworker at New Job (interest, benefit, how to)

[newbie5]

I recently started a new job at a daycare center. It seems like a great place to work except I have nothing in common with my assistant who has been there a long time. We are around the same age (20s). She is upset that the teacher I am replacing is leaving. She didn't tell me welcome.

We went out to lunch and could barely find anything in common! She has a child and is living with child's father and has no interest in getting married. Me, single, personally believe in marriage, then kids. She said she is a smoker. I hate cigarette smoke. She doesnt like reading much and I love reading. A couple tv shows she really likes I don't watch. I didn't say anything about our differences (didn't comment on cigarettes, glossed over the marriage thing by saying a reason's probably because your focused on your child, etc). She mentioned she was a cheerleader in hs and was really into it. I'm a dorkier kind of girl. She asked about me; I told her a couple things about family / interests, but felt like I couldn't say much because we're so opposite! What to do here??

She is good with the kids, but I feel that she doesn't want me there.

We will be together almost ALL day. It's about the kids, but I don't want her to make it personal and I want to enjoy my job, get along, like and respect each other.

I would like this job to work out. It seems fun. Advice for building a bridge?? Or strategies like befriending other coworkers and maybe she'll eventually accept me?

[Mr.Pissedoff]

It is difficult spending all day with someone with no connection evident, but sometimes time will
make the difference under these circumstances. You don't have to be friend's, but being friendly
and approachable usually breaks the ice, and if your co-worker chooses not to lighten up.....
that is how she is, and it will not be changed. So enjoy your job for your's and the kids benefit.

[andywire]

Umm, the work place is no different from the real world. There are people from all walks of life, who have all different kinds of opinions, and some of them you may not agree with. That's ok. Diversity should be welcomed, as well as ideas that may rock your little world. The thing to do is to learn how to listen with open ears to what people say. You don't have to accept what they say as fact, but realize we are all entitled to our own opinions and ideas.

Building bridges? You don't necessarily have to be friends with your coworkers. As long as you can effectively get the work done, that's what counts. If you start forming a bias to your coworker, or an I'm right, your wrong attitude, it will effect the work itself. Many people don't realize that their negative ideas are projected in everyday conversations and actions. When bad working relationships form, they always instinctively blame the other person, when sometimes they projected negativity in their tone, speech, performance on the job itself. Try not to let that happen, because it will ultimately make your job frustrating.

[Dollydo]

You are there to work, not to be best buds with her. Be cordial, be professional and if it is your job, supervise her. As long as her personal life and beliefs do not interfer with the day to day operation of the business, let it go.

[seain dublin]

Originally Posted by Dollydo

You are there to work, not to be best buds with her. Be cordial, be professional and if it is your job, supervise her. As long as her personal life and beliefs do not interfer with the day to day operation of the business, let it go.

Bingo! Why do you feel the need to be friends with this person? All you need to have is a working relationship in regards to the children.

You don't have to be friends, in fact you're probably better off if you keep it as work relationship.

[kodaka]

You have plenty of things in common. Your job and your occupations, for starters. You live in the same geographic area. You are both women. You love, you hurt, you live. These are the basics of life. And before long, you'll have your history of working together in common.

Be careful not to start judging her. Your comments about smoking and marriage especially sound like you are judging her lifestyle. It is not your place to approve or disapprove of your coworkers' life choices.

[manderly6]

Just do your job and don't worry about being best buds.

[bouncethelight]

Originally Posted by kodaka

You have plenty of things in common. Your job and your occupations, for starters. You live in the same geographic area. You are both women. You love, you hurt, you live. These are the basics of life. And before long, you'll have your history of working together in common.

Be careful not to start judging her. Your comments about smoking and marriage especially sound like you are judging her lifestyle. It is not your place to approve or disapprove of your coworkers' life choices.

Excellent post!

[loose cannon]

you just have to roll through it. I worked in a cubicle surrounded by jabronies talking about Jersey Shore and Brett Michaels. I freaked out and quit. Now my life is in a bad way. Just ignore her and do your job.

[STT Resident]

Originally Posted by newbie5

... We will be together almost ALL day. It's about the kids, but I don't want her to make it personal ...

Then don't YOU make it personal. As has been said, just do your job, be civil and professional. These things invariably work out just fine. Enjoy the new position!