My Life..... (employees, applying, degrees, collect)

[silenthelpreturns]

Finding a job is another mystery of life for me, even though I'm only 21.

I've went through this for 2+ years on and off. I was 19 years old, only had a GED and was desperate to work. I never had a job in my life at that point because I moved around alot and spent my late teenage years persuing hobbies, I also grew up in an abusive, screwed up family, which was also poor. Previously I was getting SSI for a documented disability I have just so I could survive but after reading what people on news articles had to say about disabled people looking for work and collecting SSI, all kinds of nasty untrue generalizations, of the sort. I told my case handlers that I wanted to cut my benefits to work without limits, a personal decision I had in mind for a while, and because I knew their were millions of people in the world that somehow hated my guts for supposedly "leeching" off the system.

I did what everybody would do - put in online applications, paper applications, went into stores dressed nice and asking the manager if they were hiring, even when I had crippling anxiety and felt nervous - I still did it, and always got turned down. Turned down meaning they would tell me they weren't hiring, or they would "keep me on file". It made me upset because I would always see new people working there, except me.

I applied everywhere. Mcdonalds, Gas stations, department stores, if it was in my area and I spotted it, I applied. Some of these places had multiple locations around me, so being the rational human being I am, I'd apply to all of them and follow up on all of them whenever I was able to.

People told me to follow up....and I did just that - made no difference. Willing to work from 9am to 9pm made no difference. Having a clean record and drug free made no difference. Still told they weren't hiring, still told they would keep me on file. Never heard from anyone.

My next step was craigslist....maybe I could find some kind of manual labor, easy stuff, instead I found some fruit company looking for package handlers but you needed a resume and the good ole' "ins and outs" of wrapping fruits into baskets.

Contacted some "off the record" job listings for personal people who wanted yard work, floors sweeped, never heard from any of those people. I even tried looking for volunteer work, surely they wouldn't expect much from a 19 year old? Never found much, and what I did find had no contact info, too much red tape, or had hoops to ump through....coming from an orginization that wants someone to slave their life away for nothing. To me it seemed a little odd, but who knows?

Got in touch with different types of employment agencies around my state and alot either never called back, or told me they couldn't help. I asked my local hospital if they had any cleaning jobs, and they gave me weird looks and said there was no such thing.

A guy my mom was friends with told me he would get me into the place he worked at, a function hall restaurant. Coincidently we lived down the street from the place. I did alot of research into the place myself. What followed was a month of unanswered phone calls, lots of dead air and in the end...no job.

Around christmas 2010 (I was 20 at this time) I was out with my mom shopping after spending a few hours in the library. I was on the computer yet again, looking for anything in my area I could find. The usual listings, but they were always fruitless. I knew I wouldn't get contacted, but filled them out anyway. I stumbled onto a local starbucks application, went through pages of applying and got to one page that asked for a resume and references. Then it hit me, I had no resume and I had no references. Then I remembered how the last 5 years of my life were spent in isolation and I had no friends to my name. Why would I need such things to work at a mainstream coffee shop? I couldn't get past the section. Dissapointed once again,

I exited out and left. I told my mom I wanted to walk home. We lived 10 miles away. It was about 18 degrees outside but I did it anyway. As I was walking the painful reality of my life hit me, I started getting teary eyed. I kept asking myself why I had to suffer so much and why I couldn't have things go right for once. If I had to be a loner with nothing to do but stay in my room and be miserable, maybe working would cheer me up. But nothing changed. As I was walking over our local bridge I stopped for a minute and thought about ending it all right then and there.

But I didn't.......

I gave up for a few months and eventually my sister found someone who needed work done on a house they were building. This was in the summer. I made 25 bucks a day. After the house was done I found myself miserable again because I still didn't have a real job.

A month later I put my name in a job lottery in my city and found a 2 month work assignment for a thrift shop in the area. I worked there for 2 months and made minimum wage.

After that I was back to square one again of not being able to find a full time job.

After a month of jumping through hoops I found a job at a department store in my area. I worked there as a stock associate for about a month but quit because it was too stressful for my mental capabilities. The team liked me alot and would have kept me but I was given days off because of budget reasons and like I said, it was stressful after a while.

So here I am again, still looking for a minimum wage job. Still going through the same process, with a miserable past and present life still on my shoulders.

Right now I am back on disability, so I can provide for myself. I am allowed to work but my benefits will get cut if I do so, and that doesn't bother me. I am still looking for a job, full time, but everything is still the same. No minimum wage jobs to be found, dead online applications, people still calling me lazy, blaming me, it doesn't bother me anymore but it dissapoints me in some ways.

People can think whatever they want, they haven't lived my life, they haven't gone through what I've gone through.

I am willing to do what it takes to get a job at mcdonalds or a grocery store because those are the jobs I am capable of and can handle. I always have long talks about this with my dad, he told me I had to "know someone" to get in those places. I asked him what if someone doesn't know someone, how could you have employees if there was a requirement to know somebody? He didn't answer. Nobody does. I can see between the lines and realize things that other people don't. But apparently, the problem is still me.

I believe there are problems in the way people are hired. Hiring practices. Personality tests on the computer, online applications, being lied to, discrimination based on race and disabilities, these are real issues that exist. These are things that keep honest people like myself from getting hired. And I know there's alot of flack out there against people with disabilities. Not all of us are lazy, freeloaders who want to live in poverty and be taken care of. Some of us do want to work, even if it was a fast food job, but when you live in a country with a bad economy, plus immoral hiring practices and lots of red tape and hoops to jump through, leaving a person unable to find even a fast food job who is to blame? The person looking? Or the system?

You can say nobody entitled to work at even a minimum wage job. Maybe not. But at the same time that statement seems hypocritical. Who are we to say someone should or shouldn't be working? What about your job? After all you aren't entitled to one, so why do you have one? That's where you need to watch how much hypocrisy you let off.

I'm done beating myself up over it. No more do I blame myself. I'm not perfect, my life may suck, but I'm being realistic.

I don't blame it all on me, but I do blame the system. I'm an honest person, I don't do illegal drugs, I don't drink, I don't watch television or keep up with all the mindless fads that everybody sticks to. I have no criminal record and the only people who know me personally in this world are my family. I don't exist to anyone else. Life is a nightmare for me. I tell everyone I can that I haven't had really any social life for over 7 years now and they don't think I am serious. And I certainly didn't and don't want it that way, but it's how it turned out for me. People like me could be a hypocrite because I could be at a store and stand in line next to someone in the same rut but I would never know unless I reached out to them. I think alot of people need to start reaching out to others.

I forgot what having friends was like, 6 years ago I at least had some aquaintances and one long time friend. I even had people online I talked to. But after I left high school I kind of went into obscurity. Not that I was well known about in the first place. But eventually I started picking myself up more and more but now I just don't exist at all. It doesn't really matter where I go. For the last 6 years the only people I have been in contact with on a regular basis/socializing with is family and at times we have lots of disagreements.

I haven't had real life friends since age 15. I dropped out of high school at 16. For a long time I would stay in my house, work in the yard or use the internet. I guess you could say I kinda dropped out of life for a while. Teenage crushes and going to parties with groups of people was never an option to me, still isn't, but I don't care now because I'm drug free and have a clean background. Not doing anything with my life at that time got old after a year or 2, so I went back to get a G.E.D. to show my parents I was capable of doing something. I can relate a little bit to people who say they are shut-ins, like the one guy on another forum who said he was a shut-in since 1999. I can easily go outside and stuff though, and I don't live in a cardboard box or anything like that. There's no bars on my windows.

I can understand some people who say they hate life and waking up every day, to another day of being miserable. I have road blocks in almost every part of my life, between trying to find employment to deciding on wether or not to persue higher education, experiencing relationships and going on dates with the opposite sex for the first time, connecting to the opposite sex for the very first time, and so on. These are huge road blocks for me, I don't know how to deal with them, I feel helpless. Humans are social creatures. I don't see it possible to keep living like this, with not being able to connect to anybody. Forcing myself to be social with someone is like forcing something that isn't meant to be.

After a while, you can drown it out with using the internet, watching movies or playing music, or any other hobby, especially solo hobbies. This is what most of the people I read about do in these predicaments. I don't believe a person blaming themselves for all their hardships in life is exactly the answer, I just don't.

What's the solution for everybody on this site and all over the internet that has no friends at all? Through google I can pull up all kinds of blogs, forum posts, youtube videos, comments, whatever, so many people out there that claim they are stuck in this situation. How does this affect our culture? Do you just stay at home in your room everyday doing nothing? What Do you just accept it and continue to live a double life of being satisfied on the outside but resentful on the inside and wanting to pop?


It is tough out there, and when someone can't even land something at mcdonalds you know something is wrong. Not necessarily with the individual, but the system. Unfortunately people find it more easier to blame an individual, even if they are willing to do what it takes, and follows all the rules.

I'm willing to do what it takes, and people seem shocked when they see that I still can't find something. So what's the solution? Nobody seems to have one....

Maybe the employers in my area are just aholes. All I know is I have what it takes and I do whatever I have to, but it delivers nothing in the end. After some hard research I found most of the managers at my local grocery store are older then me, and only had GED's. Same as me. I would be thrilled to work at my local grocery store, since I have shopped there all my life. I'd be thrilled to work at my local grocery store because I've shopped there all my life, anywhere but what else am I supposed to do?

The way the system is setup, doesn't work for people like me. It's too bad. I have mastered the personality tests on the applications, and I know this because my boss in retail told me I got green. You can't blame someone who does what they are supposed to but isn't being accepted and given a chance. You just can't.

Everyone whines about disabled people collecting SSI........well if you want us to be working where are the minimum wage jobs? I did everything in my power. There's no opportunities to latch onto.

Can you imagine trying to get your first job ever these days? Most of you will disregard this and say you are suffering more, but the truth is we are all suffering. The percentage of Americans 16 to 24 who have jobs is lower than it was JUST ten years ago!

Keep trying, don't give up, follow up, dress nice, etc.

This stuff is common sense. Bottom line is the system is ****ed up. It is so bad what you now have is thousands of people competing for a mcdonalds job. That's the new economy. Any other jobs that are available are given to friends or friends of friends. Willingness, and honesty are now worthless.

I'm seeing ads on craigslist looking for "experienced" dish washers and local pizza shops and restaraunts wanting a resume to be a delivery driver. I haven't seen needing a degree to be a janitor or sweep floors (those jobs don't exist in my area) but I'm pretty sure I will eventually.

Washing dishes is an act of courage, and art. Only qualified professionals may apply!

So are employers part of the problem? Yes. Absolutely.

Telling someone to get a mcdonalds job is bad advice because it's not even easy to get hired there. I tried for 2 years. You could be competing with thousands of people, all filling out online applications and following up like you. You can do everything you are supposed to do but it won't change a thing.

I think there is a problem that is outside of most of our control. Sounds strange, but I know there's an element of truth to it.

I am always told that they either aren't hiring period, or they are, but at a later time. When you follow up again and again though, they give you another excuse. It's weird because I ALWAYS see new faces working at these places. It makes me wonder what their hiring practices are like. It makes me wonder who they are hiring and why they are choosing them over me. You know what's funny? Most of the managers at these places aren't the sharpest tools in the shed. One of the assistant managers at a place I applied to is 29 years old, and all she has is a GED, like me. But somehow, I'm not good enough to bag groceries.

I've lived a miserable life for the last 7 years. Sometimes I would go through weeks of laying in my bed with the covers over me thinking what a failure I have become and how soul crushing it felt to be at the point I was. I was scared and hurt emotionally and felt powerless. Still do. Some people call it rock bottom, to me it was worse then that, almost like being at the bottom of the universe in a black hole. On the outside you wouldn't guess how much despair I've been through in my mind. The few people who I've told all this stuff too would usually be shocked and distance themselves from me. I still do but I am numb to it now. My life will never be like other peoples. A miracle could happen and I could find my own way eventually, but it will never be the same. I feel different, like an alien. I think I may just eventually pay people to be my friends, if I can't do make friends any other way. It seems to me that 98% of people out there are incompatible with me. They think I'm normal but after a while there's a good chance they will notice that I'm severely quiet and think I'm a mute or psycho. Sure, on the outside everything is fine, this is because if I be myself I'd be just depressed, and angry, awkward, and if I told people about my past and ongoing loneliness they would shy away and ignore me.

Right now there is nothing else I want more then a minimum wage job and some kind of college education or certification. That is what I plan to do, but my feelings and the way I've experienced and seen things to be will never change. Everything about my life has amplified itself into a ball of steel, that can't be broken.

If there is one thing I will have ever learned from this life it's living a miserable existance. Hating everyone and everything around you and wishing you would dissapear forever. But that doesn't happen, you have to live, to suffer, to suffer, to suffer. If my life changed tomorrow and I had everything I ever desired, I still wouldn't be truly happy and not living a miserable existance. What I seek, just doesn't exist.

What I've realized is that I have no way out of this. I don't really know how to describe how it is to just not have any friends, or socialize with people outside of your family. I don't consider family as friends either. Family will always be connected to you. I mean more on the outside world. Friends friends. People you meet in school, work, wherever. I've been alone in that aspect going on 7 years now. With no "friends", as your kind calls them. Friends to me are people non-related that you see and talk to in person, share things with, life stories, experiences. I'm just one of those souls who blends in. Nobody cares about me or my existance. When I see people my age together at malls and street corners, I see what I never had. It might be hard to believe, but the fact is, I've been completely alone, for so very long. And based on that, I am certain it will never end. I have accepted the fact that I am eccentric at times and people will see me differently at times.

My true youth is running out, I'm 21 now, but it's fading every second. It's not like I could ever hide my lonesome past from people, I don't really believe in that mentality. I believe in being honest and upfront, not putting on acts to impress others. The problem is you can't be yourself today, without the risk of getting persecuted. For the last few years I've been persecuted by my own family, especially my dad, but that's another issue.

I'm not a social person, I don't have an interest in keeping conversations going, only if the person is a certain type, like me. If it's an aggressive person who is always chattering, and acting sarcastic, chances are I probably won't mesh well with that person, and that's on their judgement. Not mine. I'd like to still connect to those types, but if they don't accept me for who I am, I am SOL.

I don't even know why I ramble about this, when I have never really been in a situation like that except for work environments. I don't know anybody my age, nor have I grown, adapted or had connections to people in my age range, it's always me and only me, in my dark dissapointing world, wishing things could have been different. Wishing I could be in a place where everything was fair, and balanced, satisfying and safe for everyone, but it was never meant to be. For non-existant socializing, again, haven't for years. That did and still does damage me, and make me resentful sometimes. It's easy for a soul like me to get so down that I start questioning my existance and contemplate locking myself away and forgetting about everything that life has to offer and finding happiness, and the enjoyment (to normal people, ordinary basic and bland) things.

My feelings on life as we know it, shift, from time to time too, when I see what's going on in our world today. When that hits the unsatisfying life I have no choice but to live and make the best of, it tares me up. But, I am powerless, so I let it sink in and after a while soak out. Friendships and relationships are something I desire like everyone else, but when they are unattainable, of course you are going to be hurt about it. For me, it's numbed, but the scars remain. Maybe the solution for me is as simple as getting out more, me, I think there's alot more to it. Hence the part where the man in the videos talks about life and destiny, and certain things that are beyond our control.

I am only 21, but in my mind I have suffered for an eternity. Some people find themselves in circumstances that nobody on the planet will ever understand, and it's almost impossible to get through to people, so you just get ostracized, and mocked. To be honest I don't care if the economy collapses and everybody loses everything. By that point nobody in this country will be working.

Right now there is nothing else I want more then a minimum wage job and some kind of college education or certification. That is what I plan to do, but my feelings and the way I've experienced and seen things to be will never change. Everything about my life has amplified itself into a ball of steel, that can't be broken.

I am in another low point. Tomorrow is another day of pain. The good thing is it's just another day down until the end. For me, it's like being chained up, with no way to move. But again, it's damaged me so bad, I get used to it, and when it gets unbearable, I push it away as hard as I can until it hits me again.

[Koale]

omg...
k

[manderly6]

Good luck getting anyone to read that wall of text.

[andywire]

You clearly have a lot going on. I am not a doctor, but you need to talk to one soon. Find out what jobs would be best for you depending on what sort of disability it is you have. If you can get a low paying job and collect some sort of disability, you may be able to get by ok in life. There is no shame in that. I applaud your desire to work. Anyone who would put you down for collecting disability while actively seeking even minimum wage work should be ashamed. I have worked with mentally retarded people in the community who would go to workshops doing low paying, menial task work. They were also collecting subsidies, and there is nothing wrong with that in my opinion.

Anyways, you need to look into the root cause of your frustrations. I believe you have a disability that is leading employers to consider you undesirable for work. Talk with a doctor and explain your problem finding work, and maybe they can help alleviate some of the problems preventing you from finding work. Do this sooner than later. You clearly are going through a difficult time in your life. This needs to be addressed ASAP. Only you can make the appropriate changes though. Good luck.

[Thatsright19]

lullaby nickleback - Bing Videos

My aunt, who was a CPA, and my uncle, who I worked for doing maintenance, hired an accounting student out of my same program who was 1 year older than me. I was a naive young student, who got straight A's and was excited to get some expirence and maybe have a mentor. I was also a very shy person who couldn't deal with social interaction very well.

My uncle was one of the most important people in my life, almost like a father. One of the my only "friends" in the world. I quit, because I could not stand the pain of coming into work everyday plunging toilets and dealing with drunks/drug users at this section 8 hell hole, while they had a student across town driving a new car----while my college dream was sucked away by someone so important to me. When I left, I asked them if I could come back once she moved on....they said yes.

It sent me into one of the most painful spirals of depression possible. I didn't even think it was POSSIBLE to live in such a way. I have been where you're at. Your brain literaly spins, and you can't get out of bed. I would not wish that feeling on anyone. It's not even possible to describe to someone who has not been there.

A year later, they played stupid about the entire situation. Saying they had no idea I would feel this way. Then, the girl finally leaves (to the best CPA firm in our area), and they lied by ommission and kept the little detail away from me that the company was in huge financial trouble and my uncle lost his job and they were not going to hire another intern. They turned against me entirely and told me they wanted no contact with me ever again. I haven't seen them for 3 years now....


After I quit, I lost 50 pounds from working out(it was one of the only things that made me feel good), and got straight A's in my accounting program. During that time, I found 2 woman at 2 internships, CPA and an MBA who have meant the world to me. They gave me a chance, and have been involved in my life ever since then. They were so nice, it actually restored my faith in humanity. Through college, and these real world expirences, I have become so much better with dealing with people, when before I had ZERO social interaction. I now work as an intern at a CPA firm, and have a very good opportunity to get into the same firm as said girl. Of course, at the time I was angry and jealous towards her, but as a matured, I realize that she did nothing wrong, and I don't hold any resentment towards her.

You can change your position, even when it seems like there's no hope. You can find new people who care about you. You can find new jobs. You have to keep at it and change your attitude. Look at your flaws and change them one at a time. Get better every day.

"The brick walls are there for a reason. They're not there to keep us out. They're there to give us an opportunity to show how badly we want something".

[Doobage]

Is there low-cost or free therapy available in your area? You seem very depressed and I really think you should talk to someone. It would help, a lot more than it might seem. Good luck, and I hope things get better for you.

[Thatsright19]

Talking to someone is very important. I never saw a professional, but I spoke with the owner of a local gym and he helped me understand that in life you have aquantences, and people who are really there for you---and you will find out who they are with time. The 2 mentors I told you about weren't family, but they have treated me as such. They have taken an interest in helping me when ever possible and I owe them so much.

You may even need medication. It can help reset the chemical imbalance in your brain, or at least I was told, and it seems to work. Universities also have "free" counseling to talk to. Going to school could help you socially, help your job search, and give you someone to talk to/a goal to stive at.

lullaby nickleback - Bing Videos

Things CAN get better even if it feels absolutely HOPELESS. Trust me.

[bobtn]

Short term Its obvious the depression is not related strictly to the problems finding a job, but its most likely the other way around. I do think you need to see a doctor for depression far more than you need a job.

So while normally I find work ethic to be the number one focus on this forum section, not in your case. Get to the root cause; that's the first step towards building a better life for yourself.

[Hopes]

((((((silenthelpreturns))))))

Please start going to therapy to help you with your depression and for motivation to overcome these obsticals.

Many of the things you listed can be creatively resolved. You can use neighbors, parents friends, and relatives for references. You can start volunteering somewhere for experience. The bonus of volunteering is it gets you out of the house and involved with other people too.

I wish you the best of luck. Don't give up. Definitely start counseling.

[MissLucky]

Gosh.

Sorry, I just couldn't finish.