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Old 09-12-2013, 03:27 PM
 
Location: Texas!!! It's hot but I don't care :)
559 posts, read 1,365,608 times
Reputation: 252

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Quote:
Originally Posted by beera View Post
Well if you aren't going to confront him, aren't going to go to HR, and can't get ahead of him, guess there is nothng you can do but deal with it. Not sure what else anyone else can tell you to do since you seem to shoot it all down. You need to either put on the woman panties and tell him you do not like the way he is treating you and want to be respected or let it go.

Who hired you? Sounds like it wasn't him.

It's not that I am shooting anything down it's that I already KNOW it won't do any good because...I don't know how to put this.... I am not "one of them", a typical government employee, and no one will have my back and it won't do any good. And I think I mentioned that I was going to talk to him about it, which is really all I can do but he's not going to change but at least I did something.

And yes actually he was the one that hired me. I am beginning to wonder WHY he did in the first place if he wasn't going to like my style, which I told them during the interview.
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Old 09-12-2013, 04:26 PM
 
5,086 posts, read 4,238,750 times
Reputation: 12541
Et j'ai pleure,

I suggest the following strategy:

1. Document everything. Keep copies of all emails, transcribe all phone calls, and basically keep a daily diary of your work life. This is for the lawyers, in case this escalates into something that requires legal action. In particular, keep a log of all the things you did correctly, yet he claimed you didn't, or whatever it is you're experiencing. It's also for his superiors, in case you need to provide evidence of his incompetence. Incidentally, include evidence (signatures, time logs, etc.) to support your claims.

2. Look for another job. You have stated that you've been looking for a year. Are you in social work? Are you a therapist? There are jobs outside of correctional facilities. Perhaps you can look into hanging out a shingle and go it alone as a youth counselor or therapist, or find a job in the K-12 schools. The school schedule might be helpful to you as a mom, and free-lance is ideal.

3. Continue to be a professional. You probably deal with troubled kids all day, so just think of your manager as another one (which he obviously is). Smile warmly, be completely friendly and polite at all times, never show any annoyance or impatience at his behavior. Just journal it and use that as a way to vent. Remember that sooner or later, you'll have a 3-inch thick binder of incidents, and you can probably use that to get this idiot fired. But it will take some work. And if he really gets to you, just think about what life will be like when he's gone--fired, or else you have found another place to work.

Best of luck!
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Old 09-18-2013, 12:07 AM
 
639 posts, read 1,730,374 times
Reputation: 1313
Being banned from speaking to coworkers without permission is one of the strangest things I've ever heard. If you do ask for permission to speak to them, what does he say? What happens if your coworkers initiate a conversation with you?

Something I keep seeing in your posts is that you have a different style than the rest of the department, and that you don't fit in. I think the problem is that you don't fit into the culture. You've got to conform and start doing everything his way. I know it's miserable, and you'll be working below your potential, but that's how it is. That would be a simple fix if it wasn't for being banned from speaking without permission. That is so bizarre, I don't even know what to make of that.

I've thought about making a thread about my own micromanager. He has actually taken my pen out of my hand to re-underline things I've written because he didn't think I underlined them right. I could write a whole thread about him...
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Old 09-19-2013, 12:51 AM
 
1,871 posts, read 1,815,540 times
Reputation: 2886
My experience with micromanager's is exhausting. The last one I had I finally had to get in her face and tell her that she was making me crazy. She would stand over me and yell to be faster and faster. I politely but firmly said to her that when she would tell me to go faster it would just make me frustrated and go slower. Then she had the nerve to say to me that she would tell me to go slower in the hopes that it would make me go faster. I finally had enough and had to move to the night shift. For me a micromanager is a control freak with major issues and they don't know how properly manage employees. There is a fine but delicate balance in managing people. My current supervisor is a macromanager. I really did notice a gentle but firm reminder that you are capable of your job can seem to help. I think they may not realize how bad they can be.
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Old 09-19-2013, 01:18 AM
 
Location: Corona the I.E.
10,139 posts, read 15,378,756 times
Reputation: 9074
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rangerdude_Charlie View Post
My experience with micromanager's is exhausting. The last one I had I finally had to get in her face and tell her that she was making me crazy. She would stand over me and yell to be faster and faster. I politely but firmly said to her that when she would tell me to go faster it would just make me frustrated and go slower. Then she had the nerve to say to me that she would tell me to go slower in the hopes that it would make me go faster. I finally had enough and had to move to the night shift. For me a micromanager is a control freak with major issues and they don't know how properly manage employees. There is a fine but delicate balance in managing people. My current supervisor is a macromanager. I really did notice a gentle but firm reminder that you are capable of your job can seem to help. I think they may not realize how bad they can be.
Wow that sounds like a slave driver not MM. My version of MM in sales is..........let's see your activity sheet, how many calls, how many proposals. By now I am self motivated or not offering to wipe me doesn't get the job done any better.
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Old 09-19-2013, 10:49 AM
 
Location: 500 miles from home
33,749 posts, read 19,185,824 times
Reputation: 25524
Quote:
Originally Posted by etjaipleure View Post
The thing is...I'm not new. I have already been here for two years :/ and he just keeps getting WORSE AND WORSE! This is going to sound SO CRAZY I know because it sounds crazy to me and how could someone think like this.......but.....me and his wife are both pregnant and oddly enough have the same name haha......but he desperately wanted a boy. He found out he was having a girl. He had been talking about the baby NONSTOP and then...just stopped. Like, never mentioned the baby again. He didn't even TELL any of us it was a girl. We just found out. But he never says anything about it anymore. I am having a boy. I know that sounds ridiculous.........but............he could be upset that I'm having a boy? And he's having a girl? I mean surely not right. Right?
Congratulations - you have just run across a workplace bully. Everyone else might like him because THEY are not the target of his ire. Rest assured, one of them will be IF you leave.

I highly recommend you spend less time trying to please your impossible to please manager and spend a LOT of time looking for a new job.

Nothing can derail a career more quickly than being the target of a manger/bully. Get out now.
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Old 09-19-2013, 10:52 AM
 
Location: 500 miles from home
33,749 posts, read 19,185,824 times
Reputation: 25524
Quote:
Originally Posted by blisterpeanuts View Post
Et j'ai pleure,

I suggest the following strategy:

1. Document everything. Keep copies of all emails, transcribe all phone calls, and basically keep a daily diary of your work life. This is for the lawyers, in case this escalates into something that requires legal action. In particular, keep a log of all the things you did correctly, yet he claimed you didn't, or whatever it is you're experiencing. It's also for his superiors, in case you need to provide evidence of his incompetence. Incidentally, include evidence (signatures, time logs, etc.) to support your claims.

2. Look for another job. You have stated that you've been looking for a year. Are you in social work? Are you a therapist? There are jobs outside of correctional facilities. Perhaps you can look into hanging out a shingle and go it alone as a youth counselor or therapist, or find a job in the K-12 schools. The school schedule might be helpful to you as a mom, and free-lance is ideal.

3. Continue to be a professional. You probably deal with troubled kids all day, so just think of your manager as another one (which he obviously is). Smile warmly, be completely friendly and polite at all times, never show any annoyance or impatience at his behavior. Just journal it and use that as a way to vent. Remember that sooner or later, you'll have a 3-inch thick binder of incidents, and you can probably use that to get this idiot fired. But it will take some work. And if he really gets to you, just think about what life will be like when he's gone--fired, or else you have found another place to work.

Best of luck!
Excellent post. Keeping written documentation of everything could help you down the line IF things get desperate. Also, when your boss is making some inane rules and constantly moving the goal posts (such as not being allowed to discuss carpooling with another employee???) - I would put that in an email to him to leave a paper trail if he didn't already do so. As in 'I just want to make sure I understand your instructions about contacting a co-worker regarding a car pool situation . . . " blah, blah blah. He'll get the picture. Quickly.

My biggest advice is to start looking now. There is NO reason to work for someone like this if you can find another job.
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Old 09-19-2013, 07:13 PM
 
5,656 posts, read 17,974,811 times
Reputation: 4054
HRs function is to protect the company from lawsuits and make sure they follow legal procedures regarding employment procedures.... they will not help you. I would start looking.
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