U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Work and Employment
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 10-26-2013, 03:45 PM
 
Location: Eastern Colorado
3,807 posts, read 5,035,086 times
Reputation: 5036

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by rlrl View Post
so ill live in the street WTF do i care
If you would rather live in the street as opposed to showing up to a work function for 20 minutes that is your choice, you don't want advice don't ask.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 10-26-2013, 03:46 PM
 
18,847 posts, read 33,853,651 times
Reputation: 26255
Win the battle, lose the war. Look at the big picture here. Sure, this annoys you. We get that. We also get you hate parties, have had health and family issues.

I suggest, you re evaluate your work status, no one has a secure job any longer. No one. Especially senior people, who are making more money. You can be easily replaced. By someone as smart as you.

Going to work parties, stupid as it seems, are part of work. Those who don't go, are the first ones on the chopping block when the going gets tough.

I suggest you go, have a Coke, and leave. It demonstrates you jumped thru the hoop.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-26-2013, 04:18 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,990 posts, read 49,471,018 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by rlrl View Post
Ive been with my company for 22 years. A long time ago i had a falling out with the exec director about some paperwork errors i had made. I was written up and i repaired them quickly. But even then the director took it out on me by saying "I want you at all my parties and functions or youre history"(he was annoyed that i didn't attend all of them.)
I had a hard time getting past this. ^^

It seems like a really weird thing for you both to fall on your respective swords over.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-26-2013, 04:23 PM
 
12,120 posts, read 30,286,381 times
Reputation: 3823
wmns for life could you explain further? sounds interesting but im not sure what you mean
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-26-2013, 04:25 PM
 
12,120 posts, read 30,286,381 times
Reputation: 3823
that happened in 2000. he was angry at me for my paperwork issues and then just became aggressive as the boss, making me do what really isn't my job. i was only written up once by him in my history of employment there. he was insinuating that he would fire me if i didn't attend but he never carried out his threat
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-26-2013, 04:27 PM
 
12,120 posts, read 30,286,381 times
Reputation: 3823
he stepped down in July. hes no longer the ED, now we have the acting ED in his place.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-26-2013, 04:44 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,990 posts, read 49,471,018 times
Reputation: 98359
I just don't understand the problem. WHY is this the thing that he chose to threaten you with?

This happened 13 years ago? And the guy is no longer there.

What kind of bizarre company is this? I suspect it is local and privately owned.

I would take jasper's advice. Some things you just do.

These days, "employed" is the new "promoted."
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-26-2013, 04:46 PM
 
12,120 posts, read 30,286,381 times
Reputation: 3823
yes you are right it is local and private
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-26-2013, 07:20 PM
 
Location: Sugarmill Woods , FL
6,232 posts, read 6,812,049 times
Reputation: 13716
Quote:
Originally Posted by rlrl View Post
Ive been with my company for 22 years. A long time ago i had a falling out with the exec director about some paperwork errors i had made. I was written up and i repaired them quickly. But even then the director took it out on me by saying "I want you at all my parties and functions or youre history"(he was annoyed that i didn't attend all of them).

at that time i refused to do what he told me and i did NOT attend any of the parties and functions (I hate them and i was always suckered into have to drive people home after which was something unnaceptable to me). despite my refusal to attend the parties and functions, the director never fired me or had any further words with me about it

fast forward to this week. I just completed cancer surgery i had a cancerous growth removed from a lung and i was out for almost 3 weeks. while i was out i got an e mail from HR asking everyone to please RSVP them about the holiday party. i sent them a message that i may be undergoing cancer treatment then and won't know how im going to be feeling (side effects can be bad) so i didn't want to pay for a ticket then not go. some of this is half truth because i hate those functions anyway but its true that i may be undergoing treatment at that time so it may be true. HR sent a message to me that they understood

i like my job very much (which is why i stay) and i have an excellent relationship with my manager. he doesn't care if i don't go to these functions and he probably knows that my refusal to go is a "**** you" to various people but he never says anything because its not important to him

a few days ago my manager comes to me and tries to get me to go. he appeared very uneasy (he knows I hate the parties).

our former exec director recently resigned in June, leaving some of the more narcissistic bullies in charge of being the acting exec directors. i fear they spoke to my manager and asked him why i wasn't on the list to go

ultimately,nobody is going to make me go to this party but i am still very furious and angry that my manager probably spoke to them. its not my job to pay for these functions and anyway in addition to my cancer i suffer from chronic anxiety. i have chronic nausea and panic attacks which can easily be aggravated by these functions and nobody seems to care. thats what pisses me off. its like everybody just assumes that because i went thru surgery with flying colors and came back to work relatively early im all "cured". far from it. my panic attacks and anxiety seem to have gotten worse, and now that cancer is part of my life i have a totally different perspective on life than everyone else

im not afraid of losing my job or anything but im furious and i don't know what to do.

am i taking this too seriously? am i stretching it and being too paranoid?

other than them getting my measly $20 for a lousy party , my attendance at those things accomplsihed NOTHING for anybody. not even the new adm inistration. they have nothing but utter contempt for me and have no need for my attendance at any of their functions

i also recently lost both parents. i am on my own and have nobody else to count on but myself. I resent any kind of bullying coercion or intimidation and my manager knows this. i get the impression that he had no choice but to approach me about that stupid party.

any ideas?

QUIT!
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-27-2013, 12:20 AM
 
Location: Our own little Loonyverse
238 posts, read 199,867 times
Reputation: 824
I'm sorry you have had such a rough year.

You asked a while back why you should go, what reason they could give for firing or what they may be telling other prospective employers about you. Not being a team player is the one that comes to mind first. It's been an unwritten rule since they started having those parties that anyone who didn't have work (or very good excuse) needed to at least put in an appearance. It is not specific to your company or in the least unusual. The people who don't attend are usually the last thought of for things like promotions. You simply don't come to their mind if they don't know you "personally" and only see you as an employee.

Not sure what to say re: the party costing you- I've not heard of that, but my advice is that if you don't want to take anyone home say sorry, I am going in the opposite direction, or you can say I have another engagement and won't have time - and that last one isn't even fudging the truth- your engagement could be with your couch and tv or bed, they don't have to know that.

You seem a little (a lot) paranoid and with your anxiety issues I would suggest if you aren't seeing someone about them you might look into it. Talking may help, and if not, there are meds they can give you to help you cope.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Work and Employment
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2021, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top