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We always hear about anti-bullying campaigns for children but bullies grow up and end up being our neighbor, personal trainer, boss or the leader of a nation. Bullying is a learned behavior. People aren’t “born that way”. It is taught in the home and if they are not stopped it will continue into adulthood. Bullies want you to feel weak & powerless while completely stripping away your self esteem, confidence until you have nothing left. You are just a shell of a human being after they have taken everything they can emotionally from you.
What about when the bully is your boss? Think about it, how would you react? You can’t punch them or cuss them out for risk of losing your job. How far can you go when you stand up to them? Oh you can try to go to their boss or HR. In my experience nothing worked. HR was completely useless and for that matter so was her boss. We all had one on one conversation’s with her boss several times with written documentation as proof of what was going on and nothing happened, ever. The bully is still the office manager. She is either friends with someone in HR or paying someone to keep quiet. Sales were above expectations so why rock the boat and fire the person running the office while keeping staff at the end of her whip? The only option is to leave, which I eventually did. Two and a half very long years later, I left. I left with my head held high, my dignity and my pride knowing that never again will I ever work for PFG not just because of the poor manager, but because any company that allows this type of behavior is not a company that I want to represent. Why work for the devil when you don’t have to?
Other female office staff were afraid to say anything because they had tried and failed before. They also feared retaliation and losing their jobs. It didn’t do any good but we did voice our opinion. It got the word out that we would unite as a team and that what we felt did matter, even if HR and the company didn’t think so. Funny thing was, we were retaliated against. Before we complained we got to leave an hour early on Fridays and after we complained that was no longer allowed..funny how that worked isn’t it?
My recent experience with the Brentwood, TN location of Principal Financial Group in Group Benefits left me drained, exhausted and on the verge of a meltdown. I stayed because I don’t quit, I don’t run away. I went to HR as well as her boss. Both dismissed it and swept it under the rug. Her boss suggested talking to her and trying to reason with her. Have you ever tried reasoning with the Terminator? It didn’t work out so well did it? She was gender biased to a fault. She was so obviously pining for an underling that even Helen Keller would have noticed. I was hired for one position (inside sales), demoted to another (processing case paperwork aka paper pusher). Ironically, I was swapped to the other lesser position with a male coworker. The males in the office could come and go as they pleased, could be late every single day with nothing ever said. I kept a spreadsheet of their comings and goings as proof of what was happening. They could leave the office to go to Starbucks only a few minutes after getting there at a minimum of 30 minutes late. The males could walk around on their cell phones, non sales employees too. If a female so much as touched their phone when it rang during the day they were asked “is that a personal call”. During my first review I was told that I would not get a raise for at least two years. Who would want to remain with any company that said this out right? What kind of warm and fuzzy feelings was this bold statement supposed to ignite. It was unbelievable and yet the company chose and still chooses to do nothing to this manager.
She told the male employee that she had pined away for that he could be a model in GQ. When referencing their memory in a comment in front of the whole office she actually made the statement “their dicks are as long as their memory”. I’m still shocked that she got away with that one. A few more examples of the comments she made to me: “I don’t think you have a clue what you are doing”, “you seem fidgety and nervous” (I wonder why),”no one trusts you to do a good job, the staff doesn’t trust you” (then why am I still here is what I should have asked after that one). Funny thing is that when I did give notice suddenly I was great and that everyone made mistakes, etc. This was too little too late and a load of crap in my opinion.
What helps keep her there is the sales manager. He wants a hard ass and that he has but everyone hates her and she treats everyone like the dirt on the bottom of her shoe. I was taken into the kitchen one time to ask me if I was the one that dripped coke in the freezer. I didn’t even drink coke. Why not just clean it up and go about your day rather than making a scene like that? I was taken in to closed door meetings to access my performance at least once a week or something she felt that I was doing wrong. It got to the point that I had no self confidence and felt I could do nothing right, at all.
I left my previous employer to take that job at Principal for more money and what I thought was the chance to advance my career. What I got in return were the worst two years of my life, the worst boss I have ever had and felt like I had been thru hell by the time I left there. I was determined to get another but also better paying job when I did leave and an advanced position. I wanted to show them that I wasn’t as dumb as they thought I was, that I was capable of getting a better job and doing it quite well I might add. I found a great job with a angel of a boss that grants me the trust I deserve to do what I was hired for as well as go above and beyond. I have yet to be called into an open door much less closed door meeting since I started. By the grace of God I left Principal Financial Group in Brentwood TN and as God is my witness will never go back. No one deserves to go thru what I did as well as countless others that have worked for her before me. I do feel for whoever replaced me, after my initial replacement quit that is. She lasted a month there, or so I heard. When I gave notice this boss said that she had been so hard on me because she thought she was helping me to be a better employee. Ironic that’s for sure.
I realize now that I set myself up to be the victim by trying to avoid conflict and not aggravate the situation. When I did stand up to her it never worked. I should have persisted but more than likely I would have been out of a job and Principal offers no severance which also tells you what type of company they are, uncaring and unscrupulous.
Bullies in the workplace must be stopped, you can try standing up to them, reporting them to HR, getting a lawyer or just plain leaving the job itself, whatever works but they must be stopped. To quote The Terminator movie” they can’t be reasoned with, they can’t be bargained with, they will not stop”, unless we as determined, confident individuals stand up and say no, as many times as we have to. I think women tend to be the worst and most common especially when bullying other women, which is exactly what my experience was.
I should have persisted but more than likely I would have been out of a job and Principal offers no severance which also tells you what type of company they are, uncaring and unscrupulous.
Hey...I was just wondering if it comes down to one day quitting before getting a new job what would ne the best response to why you left.
3littlebirdies, where did you fly off to? It's been a while.
I think if you say, "I felt the need to leave because it wasn't a good fit" that they'll get the message without you having to say more than that. Especially if, after asking what the environment in their company is like, you add, "Is it an atmosphere where people speak calmly to one another in a respectful manner?"
3littlebirdies, where did you fly off to? It's been a while.
I think if you say, "I felt the need to leave because it wasn't a good fit" that they'll get the message without you having to say more than that. Especially if, after asking what the environment in their company is like, you add, "Is it an atmosphere where people speak calmly to one another in a respectful manner?"
They'll know.
Yes, I just flew back in to City Data...Good seeing you here. That was a great answer you gave. Keep it short and sweet.
I stood up to a bully at work! I am now an open target because the bully is connected to the newly appointed CEO. He is now constantly harassing me, with the help of my boss turning a blind eye. With no visible HR department and a HR consultant only their to support his ulterior motive (a pay check).
I need a plan, I am collecting data to support my case. I'm helpless at work and do not know how long I will last. I plan on going to the EEOC with of documentation to show discrimination.
Do I have a chance with the EEOC? Please help.
I stood up to a bully at work! I am now an open target because the bully is connected to the newly appointed CEO. He is now constantly harassing me, with the help of my boss turning a blind eye. With no visible HR department and a HR consultant only their to support his ulterior motive (a pay check).
I need a plan, I am collecting data to support my case. I'm helpless at work and do not know how long I will last. I plan on going to the EEOC with of documentation to show discrimination.
Do I have a chance with the EEOC? Please help.
What kind of discrimination are you claiming? Of what protected class are you a member?
3littlebirdies, where did you fly off to? It's been a while.
I think if you say, "I felt the need to leave because it wasn't a good fit" that they'll get the message without you having to say more than that. Especially if, after asking what the environment in their company is like, you add, "Is it an atmosphere where people speak calmly to one another in a respectful manner?"
They'll know.
I don't want to get too much into this thread but you have said something that I believe needs another thought:
"...because it wasn't a good fit..." is not necessarily a useful response. First, no, 'they' will not necessarily 'get the message' and in fact, it is more likely this worn phrase/response will only put the finger back on the person saying it.
Remember that an Interviewee is always guilty until proven innocent. Suggesting that 'it was the other guy' or 'the company environment' is not always accepted at first offering.
Now, your gimmick about asking if people speak with each other in a civil tone is a ploy that may or may not work and not only that but the more you have to explain why you say this, the more it could sound like you are whining.
It really all depends on the listener/Interviewer. If that person seems friendly and supportive then maybe your suggestion could work but if the Interviewer is skeptical or even hostile, this is not the best approach.
In too many situations, it will sound to the Interviewer as though you could not hack it and are placing blame with others.
It all depends and your suggestion can only be one of a handful of options to offer, based on the listening of the Interviewer.
This could especially backfire if the person doing the actual hiring/the Boss is a tough cookie. If so, you are sunk well in advance by suggesting your last Boss was a problem to handle/work with.
I'd strongly suggest finding out what the personality of the Boss is before suggesting your last one was a problem.
Now, your gimmick about asking if people speak with each other in a civil tone is a ploy that may or may not work and not only that but the more you have to explain why you say this, the more it could sound like you are whining.
It really all depends on the listener/Interviewer. If that person seems friendly and supportive then maybe your suggestion could work but if the Interviewer is skeptical or even hostile, this is not the best approach.
Just Sayin'
It's actually still the best approach because nobody needs to get a job with someone who "...appears to be friendly and supportive when they're really skeptical or even hostile".
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Bullying
