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I have a co-worker who kind of hovers as my boss. He manages our group but isn't my direct boss. He's been really good to me, making sure I have a mentor at work and ask about my well-being. We get along so well that I may have gotten a bit too comfortable. He says that I'm always super sarcastic around him. Like if I try and say something nice to him, he thinks it doesn't sound genuine. For example, he brought something I didn't notice to my attention, and I exclaimed, oh my gosh! Thank you so much! I don't know what I'd do without you. And he says my tone sounds sarcastic. I said "sorry" and he says "even your apology sounds insincere". I wasn't being insincere so I said I don't know what to do or say then.
I think I just got comfortable and my tone tends to sound more playful around him than with others. Otherwise I sound super serious, which I don't enjoy so much. But the funny thing is, he has said the above a couple of times, implying he is upset, but he doesn't sound upset. So I also can't tell if he means it or not. I think he does mean it to a degree, but I actually feel pretty bad when he calls me sarcastic. Any tips? Should I distance him and put him back in the serious zone with everyone else?
He could be trying to tell you something important about speech in a professional setting. He may be telling you that you tone and choice of words comes across as sarcastic not to him personally but in how you appear to others. I work with someone like that. Her tone of voice comes across as smart aleck and sarcastic but she insists she is totally sincere. So much so that others now consider her statements of sincerity as themselves insincere. Maybe it's an unconscious mannerism similar to upspeak?
You don't have to say omg, thanks/etc when he showed you the error. Say you'll fix it and make sure you are careful next time. Thanking him doesn't fix the issue or prevent it again.
You could thank him after it is fixed and he probably wouldn't mind
just realize, you are there to work, get paid, and go home. some people cant deal with the extra. all the extra just makes you look goofy. treat your co workers as co workers, that are not looking for friends.
sometimes the dry is desired. a simple response goes a long way. I had to endure 6 months, working along side HR professionals, that were on the bubbly/sparkly P.C. personality all day long. It was tricky deciphering what was a real genuine answer, or what was a smart ass response, with a smile. It was as if they were on some sort of "happy pills", with a painted on smile!
For example, he brought something I didn't notice to my attention, and I exclaimed, oh my gosh! Thank you so much! I don't know what I'd do without you.
The "I don't know what I'd do without you" is seemingly excessive and somewhat sarcastic to me. I'd have simply said "Thanks for catching my error"
Sounds to me as though he doesn't consider your relationship as "chummy" as you do. Maybe he's one of those up-beat personality types who come off as really friendly, but are not genuinely being friendly. They're just up-beat and sunshiny, and he may not realize that being that way lulls you into feeling more relaxed and friendly with him than he intended.
I have a co-worker who kind of hovers as my boss. He manages our group but isn't my direct boss. He's been really good to me, making sure I have a mentor at work and ask about my well-being. We get along so well that I may have gotten a bit too comfortable. He says that I'm always super sarcastic around him. Like if I try and say something nice to him, he thinks it doesn't sound genuine. For example, he brought something I didn't notice to my attention, and I exclaimed, oh my gosh! Thank you so much! I don't know what I'd do without you. And he says my tone sounds sarcastic. I said "sorry" and he says "even your apology sounds insincere". I wasn't being insincere so I said I don't know what to do or say then.
I think I just got comfortable and my tone tends to sound more playful around him than with others. Otherwise I sound super serious, which I don't enjoy so much. But the funny thing is, he has said the above a couple of times, implying he is upset, but he doesn't sound upset. So I also can't tell if he means it or not. I think he does mean it to a degree, but I actually feel pretty bad when he calls me sarcastic. Any tips? Should I distance him and put him back in the serious zone with everyone else?
Your, "Oh, my gosh!", statement came off as condescending and patronizing. That wasn't your intention, but that's how he perceived it. It's not always what you "say", it's what they "hear".
The "I don't know what I'd do without you" part was a bit much....again, not your intention, but you basically said, "Thanks for pointing out my mistakes, Dumbass!"
Tips? Stop talking to him like he's your friend or family member...keep it professional at all times. When he points something out you missed; a simple, "Thank you", is all you need. No gushing, no over the top exclamations...just, "Thank you" with a smile.
I wouldn’t worry to much. People in the workplace can get irate about just about anything. I had an employee tell me she was considering filing a grievance against me because she did not agree with her performance appraisal. I told her if she wanted to do that it was within her rights. She then replied, “or you could just change it”. I replied, “ nope, I gave you what I believe is a fair appraisal. If you want to grieve it go ahead. I get paid the same whether I’m responding to your grievance or completing other work”. She was furious with my response.
I never knew 'Oh my gosh!' was patronizing. A little silly at work yes, but I would not call it patronizing.
And if it is indeed, "What they hear", why is the onus on the speaker and not the recipient?
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