My colleagues are upset that I chose not to go out socially after work.. (extension, interviewing)
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I work in an office environment with the company of about 40 people. In the office itself there are 10 of us. I’m currently looking for another job because I’m not happy about the insistence to hang out after work.
I’m a married woman and the majority of my colleagues are single. I would much rather go home and spend time with my husband after I get out of work. So I often decline for after work invites. The other day my colleague made a comment about how I often turn down invites from some of the other coworkers. Because of this they think I’m unfriendly. I was told they consider me professional and to be a team player. But they don’t like that I don’t want to hang out with them.
I’m currently interviewing with other companies so I’m excited to move on. But what is the best way to deal with this in the meantime?
Is it possible to get your husband to go hang out with them with you for about an hour, maybe once or twice a week?
Its easier to get them over the fact that you have other obligations once they have had the opportunity to socialize with your family. Its easier for those who do not have these same relationships to understand that you aren't rejecting them, per se - even if you truly are.
After a few times you might find yourself not getting asked anymore. I will put out there that its usually not good for your career to not socialize to a point, and you will eventually have to do it somewhere, even if its not at this job. Then again, if you aren't looking to advance at all, it might not be that big of a deal.
I wouldn't worry about it--you're never going to please everyone. If it were me, and I liked the job, I'd stay put. Besides, your coworkers think you're professional and a team player, and invite you to go with them, so they must not think you're THAT unfriendly.
I work in an office environment with the company of about 40 people. In the office itself there are 10 of us. I’m currently looking for another job because I’m not happy about the insistence to hang out after work.
I’m a married woman and the majority of my colleagues are single. I would much rather go home and spend time with my husband after I get out of work. So I often decline for after work invites. The other day my colleague made a comment about how I often turn down invites from some of the other coworkers. Because of this they think I’m unfriendly. I was told they consider me professional and to be a team player. But they don’t like that I don’t want to hang out with them.
I’m currently interviewing with other companies so I’m excited to move on. But what is the best way to deal with this in the meantime?
So annoying. I went to school with a bunch of single people and they asked me too, why I never went with them. I am married with 2 children. I have obligations. I don't live with mommy and daddy anymore or share an apartment with 3 roommates. All those things you did in your teens and early to mid 20s.
I like to go out, but not the way they go out. I am over that.
The worst part is that because of this people think you are boring and never do anything. Honey, you have no idea.
I read topics on CD all the time about people struggling with coworkers at their office jobs. It's almost as an office is an extension of HS. It strikes me as very clicky and I can't stand that type of enviorment. Leave that behavior in HS. Adult men and women shouldn't have to feel bad because they don't want to go out drinking. I like to go to work and get home to my kids. That's the highlight of my day.
Last edited by glass_of_merlot; 04-15-2018 at 03:47 PM..
Is it possible to get your husband to go hang out with them with you for about an hour, maybe once or twice a week?
Most women don't want to invite their mate to hang out with a bunch of single girls. If socializing is that important in the office, I'd suggest having lunch together.
I work in an office environment with the company of about 40 people. In the office itself there are 10 of us. I’m currently looking for another job because I’m not happy about the insistence to hang out after work.
I’m a married woman and the majority of my colleagues are single. I would much rather go home and spend time with my husband after I get out of work. So I often decline for after work invites. The other day my colleague made a comment about how I often turn down invites from some of the other coworkers. Because of this they think I’m unfriendly. I was told they consider me professional and to be a team player. But they don’t like that I don’t want to hang out with them.
I’m currently interviewing with other companies so I’m excited to move on. But what is the best way to deal with this in the meantime?
Have you ever gone for even a couple of hours? I mentioned in another thread that I am one who would rather come to work, do my job, and go home. BUT when I make the effort, ask a few questions and take the invite every 6 months or so, I actually found that what I wanted, coming in and just doing my job, was easier.
I work in an office environment with the company of about 40 people. In the office itself there are 10 of us. I’m currently looking for another job because I’m not happy about the insistence to hang out after work.
I’m a married woman and the majority of my colleagues are single. I would much rather go home and spend time with my husband after I get out of work. So I often decline for after work invites. The other day my colleague made a comment about how I often turn down invites from some of the other coworkers. Because of this they think I’m unfriendly. I was told they consider me professional and to be a team player. But they don’t like that I don’t want to hang out with them.
I’m currently interviewing with other companies so I’m excited to move on. But what is the best way to deal with this in the meantime?
You're a married woman and not interested in hanging out with single women. Nothing wrong with that. I've been working with my colleagues for 5 years and I've only gone out with a small group once and it was only because one of them was a friend who was leaving the job. I go home to my daughter everyday and they know that. I'm not interested in hanging out after work. If you're friendly in the office it doesn't make you unfriendly cause you don't want to hang out after hours. They sound really young. Curious as to what was your response to your colleague when she approached you about being unfriendly.
As for leaving and getting a new job, you will encounter this everywhere you go in most office environments. I would caution you; do not avoid the company parties, that will leave a bad impression of you to the higher ups.
Have you ever gone for even a couple of hours? I mentioned in another thread that I am one who would rather come to work, do my job, and go home. BUT when I make the effort, ask a few questions and take the invite every 6 months or so, I actually found that what I wanted, coming in and just doing my job, was easier.
And that is understandable but also sad that it has to be that way.
I mean, it's not a big deal or anything...but don't you kind of wish you didn't have to pretend you want to go out with your coworkers, just to please them.
I m like you though. I say/said yes a couple of times to shut them up.
This sounds awfully familiar, there was someone that posted here before who was married and didn't like to hang out socially and was looking for excuses to give.
Anyways, "don't like to socialize at work/after work," take 30.
What other 'advice' does the OP want since she's already interviewing with other companies? You just ignore the others and do what you are doing at work. I mean, what else is there to do? Nothing.
And next time, as mentioned above, choose a job so that you don't have to interact with others in an office setting. Or accept social invites ONCE in a while next time if you can't avoid as such. Seriously, anyone that can't even spend an hour or so after work occasionally with co-workers, must have a serious chip on their shoulders. I am one of THE most anti social people around, and don't hang out with any coworkers after hours either, but in the past have once in a while hung out for a little.
And that is understandable but also sad that it has to be that way.
I mean, it's not a big deal or anything...but don't you kind of wish you didn't have to pretend you want to go out with your coworkers, just to please them.
I m like you though. I say/said yes a couple of times to shut them up.
Yes, I wish it wasn't that way. But, I have learned that saying yes makes people leave me alone for a while, and honestly, I would rather go out for an hour than duck the conversation on a daily basis. It's not a perfect solution, although I can say that once I am there, it isn't awful to hang out with them...it's just not my favorite thing.
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