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I think the first step, before you do anything else is get counseling. Because if you do pursue a new job, that stress and rage will follow you and you may take your frustrations out on an innocent person.
I think people should think more than once about going to their company's Employee Assistance Program (EAP), or seeking counseling through work.
IF you feel you need counseling, or someone to listen, go on your own. Use your company insurance if you need to, but don't go through the EAP program. I don't trust that using EAP is as private as they say.
Of course, no one here knows whether you should go to counseling or not. Maybe you just wanted to vent. I can sure understand why.
I don't think counseling is in order here, removing this plague from the office would seem to take care of the stress and anxiety OP is experiencing. Now if this comes up again, THEN it's time to talk counseling.
If your company has an employee assistance program that could get you started with a few counseling sessions, that's a good place to start. Your frustration and anger are legitimate, and it's reasonable that you would need some help walking through this traumatic experience and learning how to put it behind you.
This is what I would do if it is available. It can help you put some sideboards around this and explore your options. It is a benefit your company is paying for on your behalf. In a subtle, indirect way, you are getting some support back from them. Of course I agree they should have acknowledged how stressful this has been for an exonerated employee, but maybe they were overdoing an attempt to appear completely neutral/dispassionate...
Last edited by Parnassia; 10-10-2019 at 04:42 PM..
I think people should think more than once about going to their company's Employee Assistance Program (EAP), or seeking counseling through work.
IF you feel you need counseling, or someone to listen, go on your own. Use your company insurance if you need to, but don't go through the EAP program. I don't trust that using EAP is as private as they say.
Of course, no one here knows whether you should go to counseling or not. Maybe you just wanted to vent. I can sure understand why.
Hmm, from personal experience using an EAP I found it helpful and completely confidential. Nothing was "shared" with anyone other than a questionnaire about the appointments fulfilled.
This was confusing to me as well. Why would she forward an email with a derogatory salutation that she wrote?
It's a set-up to make it seem that he said it. When HR checked the original email, he never said it. The email was modified by the employee, after it was received.
I would probably consult an atty to see if I had a civil case against her. The infliction of stress and anxiety was on-going, deliberate, intentional, and untruthful.
I would do this. Just to talk to a attorney and see if I had an legal recourse.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DCCougar
You mean she used it first? You mean you didn't use it at all?
I am sorry that you went through that experience and it is very upsetting. Remain calm. Go to work tomorrow with your head up, strictly focus on your job, keep email copies, and don't email outside of work as that could cause conflicts.
I think men have become victims to some crazy women out there. My husband pointed it out and gave me examples from what he has observed at work and he is right after I thought about it and some were obvious.
First, since you don't have a union, go see a lawyer to look at every legal aspect. About that crazy woman, to your employment, to how it affects your work performance. Talk about how it affected your relationship with your wife, or could in the future with her may having doubts when things are rough during the relationship, if it were to happen.
If you have EAP, discuss this with a lawyer to see about using tact, if EAP must be used.
In fact, when this started three months ago, I would have looked for a lawyer to get legal advice.
As for myself, what happened to you about sexual accusations, didn't happen to me, but when something went down wrong, I was called to HR and found out and I instructed them to allow me to use the phone to call the police or that they call the police to come here to have me escorted out. That frightened them a lot and I didn't back down. They used lame excuse to fire me with strong accusations and I wanted police there to lay charges if that is what they accused me of. I wanted a police report. I got the manager fired who made those accusations. It was terrible experience, but I feel proud that I stood up for myself, because I am usually the quiet type at work (that could have made me a target since they thought I would be easy to intimidate)
At my current work place a few years back, I heard something similar to your story at one of our employer location in another city. It ended up that union was successful to help this poor person that got accused. A manager(s) got fired, there was a huge shift in rotating management that also affected our city, and new job postings for manager job. That was a dirty move of management and I have no idea how the union managed to help this person.
Quote:
Originally Posted by selhars
I think people should think more than once about going to their company's Employee Assistance Program (EAP), or seeking counseling through work.
IF you feel you need counseling, or someone to listen, go on your own. Use your company insurance if you need to, but don't go through the EAP program. I don't trust that using EAP is as private as they say.
Of course, no one here knows whether you should go to counseling or not. Maybe you just wanted to vent. I can sure understand why.
I absolutely agree with you. EAP is not private or going to any professional counselor on your own. The employer will know that it was used and if it was counselling, financial counselling, home counselling, children counselling and depending on the package the employer got, there can be other services.
If, in the future, you get divorce from your wife or your children become "smart azz" and report you to the police, they know that you got counselling and can get a court order to obtain the record. It can lead to misleading or invading more into your personal life and mind with set-up to say you are guilty. Trust me, I see this happens a lot.
OP, You must update us. Please share your thoughts, how you are feeling and what you have done. Unfortunately, you went through terrible experience, but your post can help others in the future who may come by similar situation and have this to read and see how it turned out for you.
I would brush up your resume, expand your networking, but please, stay calm! Your emotions is on overdrive, respectfully, that is very natural and normal. Just try to stay calm and be logic. See a lawyer for advice. Even you have no intention to start legal action, as it may not be advised by the lawyer, but at least you seek legal advice from one or two lawyers from different firms. It will help you stay grounded and plan your future.
You've been accused by a liar for what ever reason. Just remember, you have rights too and you sound coherent enough to fight for them. Get tough and don't wallow too long. People have short memories. They'll get over it long before you do. I see no reason to leave. There will be jerks at the next place too. Why bother moving? Just deal with the ones here to save time.
In a world where google has taken away most any reason to converse, friendships are being replaced by fake photoshopped selfies on FB, and frivolous office banter could cost you your career and/or livelihood and/or life. I truly hate to hear about things like this happening to good people. You sound like a warm person who enjoys connecting to others. These days too many people have no idea how to respond to genuine people and tend to mimic what they see on the news. You can do this, good luck!
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