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I don't disagree with the people here who said it was a mistake. Despite all the positives for me, it's just too expensive an endeavor for not enough overall combined financial gain for both of us. We're not going to see much financial gain with this move, nor move much closer to mutual goals that a better job situation would make more realistic. I'll definitely be better off, but my wife is going to lose money, and our annual combined income will probably end up being a slight loss to a slight gain. And we're losing a big support system. In other words, not worth it.
Yeah, I sort of - may - agree.
We moved from NY for my husband's job in Texas. This was thirty years ago and he received $20,000 for moving expenses. This job lead to much better jobs over the next thirty years. Over time, his salary was high enough that I was able to be a full time mom. We were able to pay for our children's college education and all sorts of things that every middle class family wants for their children.
The not-so-great stuff.
When you start a family, a support system is important. However, mothers/daughters/in-laws create their own tensions. That helpful grandparent or friend may not respect your boundaries. They may not follow your parenting ideas. Still, a iffy support system is better than none.
We hit a real bump in the road when his employer downsized two years later. We were in Texas and needed to move back to NYC with two children under the age of three. It was a rough year! Even if it didn't seem like it, in the end, we made the right choice.
It's a coin toss! You don't know what's the future will bring. You are only guessing at the outcome.
We moved from NY for my husband's job in Texas. This was thirty years ago and he received $20,000 for moving expenses. This job lead to much better jobs over the next thirty years. Over time, his salary was high enough that I was able to be a full time mom. We were able to pay for our children's college education and all sorts of things that every middle class family wants for their children.
The not-so-great stuff.
When you start a family, a support system is important. However, mothers/daughters/in-laws create their own tensions. That helpful grandparent or friend may not respect your boundaries. They may not follow your parenting ideas. Still, a iffy support system is better than none.
We hit a real bump in the road when his employer downsized two years later. We were in Texas and needed to move back to NYC with two children under the age of three. It was a rough year! Even if it didn't seem like it, in the end, we made the right choice.
It's a coin toss! You don't know what's the future will bring. You are only guessing at the outcome.
The big difference is your husband got $20,000 for moving expenses, and I'm getting $3,000, which amounts to a drop in the bucket.
Now that things are more clear and the high of an offer wore off, we're basically moving at great expense so we can lose our support system and, at best, be just marginally better off financially as a couple. It was a horrible decision and one made at the completely wrong time.
I grew up believing $9,000-$10,000 (my pay raise) was not chump change. But when it comes to moving and relocating, it kind of is. Especially when your spouse's income is going to do down.
To make matters worse, our apartment in the new city now, unexpectedly, won't be ready for 2 weeks after my start date, necessitating something like 13 nights in a hotel. An expensive endeavor just got more expensive.
And a job we were hoping my wife would land in our new city did not pan out, despite her experience and two staff referrals. Further research indicates her income is likely to go down as much or more than mine is going to go up.
I recently accepted an out-of-state job that seemed like a slam dunk. But in the week or since accepting the offer, signing a contract for the job, it seems like less of a slam dunk than first thought.
Probably should have thought of all of this other stuff first.
How happy would you be if it was a job you were looking forward to, you moved out... and they said "Oh, sorry, we found someone better, we don't need you?"
You signed on the dotted line. To me, that means something. A lot of people seem to be perfectly happy to behave without ethics when it's convenient for them. If you're that type of person, why bother asking the question? And if you aren't, you already know the right thing to do.
Probably should have thought of all of this other stuff first.
How happy would you be if it was a job you were looking forward to, you moved out... and they said "Oh, sorry, we found someone better, we don't need you?"
You signed on the dotted line. To me, that means something. A lot of people seem to be perfectly happy to behave without ethics when it's convenient for them. If you're that type of person, why bother asking the question? And if you aren't, you already know the right thing to do.
My wife "really doesn't want to go" anymore, she said tonight. I think she realizes her career options in our new city are not good. She's realistically looking at a $4 to $8 pay cut to start, and it will be years before she matches what she's making here now. Certainly beyond the length of my job contract. She's been in her current job for 11 years.
If I was single, I would still be very enthusiastic about the job but it needs to make sense for us, and with her income loss, it really doesn't. Financially, we will be no better off. I needed a bigger pay raise than I'm getting for the math to add up on this endeavor.
Instead of the 25 percent annual pay raise I'm getting, I probably needed something like a 45 to 50 percent annual pay raise. At that range, even with her drop, my gain would be big enough that we come out ahead.
Personally, we're leaving a big support system here. If this move is what we thought it was at first, we would swallow that. But it isn't.
We just got married a month ago and realized a move right now was not smart, and that we should be focused on married life instead. I think being so new to married life, we were not prepared to make such a major joint decision so quickly.
Unfortunately, on top of have given our employer's notice a week ago, our current apartment has been re-rented too. Needless to say, not sleeping much lately.
Probably should have thought of all of this other stuff first.
How happy would you be if it was a job you were looking forward to, you moved out... and they said "Oh, sorry, we found someone better, we don't need you?"
You signed on the dotted line. To me, that means something. A lot of people seem to be perfectly happy to behave without ethics when it's convenient for them. If you're that type of person, why bother asking the question? And if you aren't, you already know the right thing to do.
Give me a break. Corporations can and will let you go at any time for ANY reason so you can't have it both ways. You are hired "at will" which means there is no contract at all. The piece of paper you're signing is nothing more than a legal escape for them to be able to can you at any time for any reason, it's not an employment contract that guarantees you'll come work for them.
Do what's best for you and your family. If you made a bad decision, there is no reason you can't change that. It's your life and we all have made choices that we later regretted. Don't get stuck in a job or an area that makes you or your spouse unhappy.
Maybe you are getting cold feet, due to the fear of the unknown. The move could turn into a boost for both your careers, or it may not. Life is full of surprises. However, if your wife doesn't want to move, it seems to me, you don't really have options.
"But we probably won't move forward by much if at all upon further examination. For a move to make more sense for us, the salary gain I make needed to be more than what I'll be jumping to."
These are things you should theoretically pencil out before you accept a job offer. That said....if you gave the new place two or three years, would your potential earnings (and your wife's potential future/different employment that pays more) make it a more positive scenario?
I don't know of anyone who doesn't have some kind of short-term loss for moving to another state. Even with a relocation package from the employer there are additional costs associated with the change, but it is an investment in yourselves doing this. Short-term losses are much easier to recover from than living with regret for not taking action to improve your lives.
"But we probably won't move forward by much if at all upon further examination. For a move to make more sense for us, the salary gain I make needed to be more than what I'll be jumping to."
These are things you should theoretically pencil out before you accept a job offer. That said....if you gave the new place two or three years, would your potential earnings (and your wife's potential future/different employment that pays more) make it a more positive scenario?
My income will increase $27,000 total (gross) over the lifetime of the contract. About $4.30 an hour.
The move itself will cost $11,000, higher than initially projected, and that eats at my gain.
My wife will be setting her career back years by moving. Her starting pay is likely to be $4 to $8 less than what she makes here, where's she's been in the same job for 11 years. We knew she was probably looking at some kind of loss, but additional research reveals it's going to be much bigger than first expected.
If I was getting into a bigger pay raise than I am, things would be different. But with they way are, we will be lucky to break even over the next 3 years and quite likely are looking at a slight combined income loss.
The other job is a much better situation for me, but she's so much better off here, that it offsets the gains I make.
If my salary was going up like $45,000 to $50,000 total (or more) over the next three years, we would come out ahead. I'm going up, but not up enough for the financials to come out in our favor.
Last edited by metty85; 09-24-2021 at 09:34 AM..
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