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I am a new hire, just out of college, at my job. I work at a company with regional offices throughout the country. Every now and then we will have company meetings in a given place for new employees from around the country to learn about the organization, attend training, and learning company skills.
Whenever we have these meetings there seems to be a very clear delineation between two groups. The "in crowd" is made up of people who meet up after our meetings to have happy hour(s), eat dinner, and pretty much get sloshed! The outsiders are people who are more reserved and would prefer to stick to themselves.
Since we are all new hires, I have felt the need to get to know as many people as possible. However, I feel extremely out of place with the "in crowd" as they tend to display high-school behavior (talking about other meeting participants behind their back, talking negatively about the meeting coordinators, egging people on who are trying to fit in the group to make fools of themselves after drinking, etc).
I often feel I need to make a connection with all my co-workers for networking. It just happens that this is the group that gathers together the most frequently, which I feel obligated to do to avoid isolating myself.
My question is how do I deal with these sort of people and network while avoiding their immaturity and general toxicity? In high school and college I could just walk away and find a new group, but here it seems like these are people who I will be coming across in the course of my career and the people who likely be most influential.
I wish I could just walk away, but if these are people who I meet need as a resource for future job opportunities within the company, I feel like isolating myself isn't the best option! I have no problem sticking to myself, but I feel like being extroverted is a trait that is prized where I work.
What do I do?
Thanks for your help!
Last edited by CO_Transplant; 03-23-2011 at 07:49 PM..
Reason: *Gathering - mod please edit thread title!
The "in crowd" is usually so obsessed with their own brilliance that they tend not to notice if you're around much or not. You can put in a hello and maybe a minute or two of conversation, and then extract yourself, and they won't notice that you weren't in their entourage all evening. They also won't notice if you aren't drinking because they'll be too busy imbibing themselves. Order one drink and nurse it all evening, or switch to water.
Next, don't assume that these people are really that influential. Lots of times, the big partiers in an office or industry are well-known and often invited to events because they are fun, but not necessarily respected or influential. You may meet other important players by association, but knowing them won't help you get a job or advance your career. At this point, you should be polite to everyone you encounter, but be observant and aware. Find out where everyone really stands, don't just assume.
Make your own crowd, if you're not comfortable with theirs. Because it doesn't matter how influential these other people may be, if you don't fit in there, trying to isn't really going to benefit you. Far better to shine in a setting where you fit, then try to be the awkward stepchild in a group you don't fit in. So figure out if there's a few people in these training session whose personality suits yours better, and strike up a conversation with them during your breaks or something. Find some common ground, and go from there. Do something over lunch or afterwards, away from this other 'in crowd' so you can get to know each other, and then stay in touch between training sessions.
The people who will be most influential in your career are the people who rank above you, not the people who are new trainees just like yourself. The people you need to impress are your managers, not your coworkers. So while making friends and finding your comfort zone are nice, the most important thing you need to do is maximize the training opportunities you are being offered and do the best job you can.
JMO, I always found it best to keep work and your social life separate.
You're there to work not make friends. Do a good job and be professional. That is how you get promoted.
The worst thing anyone can do to their career is appear drunk in front of other coworkers. Whether it be at a "happy hour" or if you're invited to a wedding of a coworker.
These people have created their little clique only because they've discovered they're not that special after all, but want to build up the appearance that they are. The last thing you want to do is to get sucked into that group's immature behavior.
Be polite to them, engage in conversation with them during the work day and at any official after-work functions, but don't engage in their behavior along with them.
Create your own "in crowd" with the other co-workers who also feel like outsiders. When your group is seen having a great time without the party people, and without getting drunk and rude, your group will grow as more people join the company and decide that they'd rather not be with a group of people who have a good time only at pthers' expense.
I am a new hire, just out of college, at my job. I work at a company with regional offices throughout the country. Every now and then we will have company meetings in a given place for new employees from around the country to learn about the organization, attend training, and learning company skills.
Whenever we have these meetings there seems to be a very clear delineation between two groups. The "in crowd" is made up of people who meet up after our meetings to have happy hour(s), eat dinner, and pretty much get sloshed! The outsiders are people who are more reserved and would prefer to stick to themselves.
Since we are all new hires, I have felt the need to get to know as many people as possible. However, I feel extremely out of place with the "in crowd" as they tend to display high-school behavior (talking about other meeting participants behind their back, talking negatively about the meeting coordinators, egging people on who are trying to fit in the group to make fools of themselves after drinking, etc).
I often feel I need to make a connection with all my co-workers for networking. It just happens that this is the group that gathers together the most frequently, which I feel obligated to do to avoid isolating myself.
My question is how do I deal with these sort of people and network while avoiding their immaturity and general toxicity? In high school and college I could just walk away and find a new group, but here it seems like these are people who I will be coming across in the course of my career and the people who likely be most influential.
I wish I could just walk away, but if these are people who I meet need as a resource for future job opportunities within the company, I feel like isolating myself isn't the best option! I have no problem sticking to myself, but I feel like being extroverted is a trait that is prized where I work.
What do I do?
Thanks for your help!
Part of business and office is politics. Either you play the game or you don't. If you play the game you will get further in the company even more so than someone who works harder and is a better worker than you.
Look how many people in management are the in crowd type people but complete idiots but they have happy hours with the guy who hired them or promoted them.
Personally I'm in the same boat as you I just dont GAS enough to play the game but I understand that will keep me from advancing as quickly and I'm fine with that.
Hang with who ever you want...but never drink at work, or work functions. Or with people you work with after work. Don't do it...
The exception of this, is if you make a close personal friend at work...yes, that is the exception, but social friends...don't drink with them.
I think it depends on the company you work for... where I work the majoriy of us go out and drink together. I guess it's easier to keep our work/social life separate even when it's the same people involved in both. Hell, just 2 weeks ago me and one of my coworkers went to a local dive to blow off steam after work and the owner of our company was there... He ended up buying us a few rounds of Tequila
Sure, there are exeptions...but as a general rule...it is better not to...especially early in your career. There would have been nothing wrong with you having a coke with your boss either...you did not have to drink Tequila...
The "in crowd" is usually so obsessed with their own brilliance that they tend not to notice if you're around much or not. You can put in a hello and maybe a minute or two of conversation, and then extract yourself, and they won't notice that you weren't in their entourage all evening. They also won't notice if you aren't drinking because they'll be too busy imbibing themselves. Order one drink and nurse it all evening, or switch to water.
Next, don't assume that these people are really that influential. Lots of times, the big partiers in an office or industry are well-known and often invited to events because they are fun, but not necessarily respected or influential. You may meet other important players by association, but knowing them won't help you get a job or advance your career. At this point, you should be polite to everyone you encounter, but be observant and aware. Find out where everyone really stands, don't just assume.
Make your own crowd, if you're not comfortable with theirs. Because it doesn't matter how influential these other people may be, if you don't fit in there, trying to isn't really going to benefit you. Far better to shine in a setting where you fit, then try to be the awkward stepchild in a group you don't fit in. So figure out if there's a few people in these training session whose personality suits yours better, and strike up a conversation with them during your breaks or something. Find some common ground, and go from there. Do something over lunch or afterwards, away from this other 'in crowd' so you can get to know each other, and then stay in touch between training sessions.
The people who will be most influential in your career are the people who rank above you, not the people who are new trainees just like yourself. The people you need to impress are your managers, not your coworkers. So while making friends and finding your comfort zone are nice, the most important thing you need to do is maximize the training opportunities you are being offered and do the best job you can.
This is sometimes the only way to get seen outside your own work group since your supervisor will be getting the credit for your accomplishments. You need to have these people know YOU as a person if you want to be considered for advancement. When the names are submitted for "layoffs" or "downsizing", it does not hurt to have the people making the decisions be able to put a face to a name on a list and maybe spare you over someone they don't even know.
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