Constructive Criticism on my Work (sentence, quote, words)

[David910]

Hello all! I have recently just had a flash fiction story published by the Yahoo! Contributor Network and would love some feedback.

Thanks!

It is Always Darkest Before the Dawn - Yahoo Voices - voices.yahoo.com

[Dirt Grinder]

Work on your use of "it's" vs "its" - "it's" is a contraction for "it is."

[Rubi3]

David, I think you show promise as a writer. In reading your brief story, I notice you use the word just 3 times in the first four sentences. Maybe either delete it or substitute. Also, a couple of places farther down, perhaps proof read closer as a couple of words were dropped. I like your imagery about the French fry.

[BuckeyePorcupine]

Originally Posted by Rubi3

David, I think you show promise as a writer. In reading your brief story, I notice you use the word just 3 times in the first four sentences. Maybe either delete it or substitute. Also, a couple of places farther down, perhaps proof read closer as a couple of words were dropped. I like your imagery about the French fry.

My feedback in a nutshell as well. Keep writing!