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Old 12-23-2013, 01:25 PM
 
933 posts, read 1,371,484 times
Reputation: 1036

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Hello all! I have recently just had a flash fiction story published by the Yahoo! Contributor Network and would love some feedback.

Thanks!

It is Always Darkest Before the Dawn - Yahoo Voices - voices.yahoo.com
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Old 12-23-2013, 03:28 PM
 
Location: Heart of Dixie
12,442 posts, read 13,353,788 times
Reputation: 28362
Work on your use of "it's" vs "its" - "it's" is a contraction for "it is."
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Old 12-23-2013, 03:42 PM
 
Location: USA
7,776 posts, read 11,565,700 times
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David, I think you show promise as a writer. In reading your brief story, I notice you use the word just 3 times in the first four sentences. Maybe either delete it or substitute. Also, a couple of places farther down, perhaps proof read closer as a couple of words were dropped. I like your imagery about the French fry.
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Old 01-04-2014, 12:56 PM
 
Location: Murfreesboro, TN
273 posts, read 414,101 times
Reputation: 392
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rubi3 View Post
David, I think you show promise as a writer. In reading your brief story, I notice you use the word just 3 times in the first four sentences. Maybe either delete it or substitute. Also, a couple of places farther down, perhaps proof read closer as a couple of words were dropped. I like your imagery about the French fry.
My feedback in a nutshell as well. Keep writing!
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