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Old 01-17-2014, 04:33 PM
 
933 posts, read 1,347,768 times
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Hello all! A little while back I asked for your thoughts on another piece, and that went really well, so I thought I'd ask what you thought of this piece I wrote. I feel like I am finally putting the pieces together in my fiction writing, and would love thoughts.

Thanks!

The Shoe Shiner - Yahoo Voices - voices.yahoo.com
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Old 01-17-2014, 04:50 PM
 
537 posts, read 1,117,786 times
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My only question: why did the CEO come back, and why will he no longer look down on people? Is this the first instance that he has experienced a "commoner" talking back to him, or does he feel a close connection to the shoe shiner?

I think we understand that this person isn't very "good." He gets what he wants, because he works in a position of power and after years of getting what he wants, it's a common expectation for him. That can be easily understood, therefore, I didn't feel the need for him to explain how important he was. What makes me curious is why he suddenly decided to no longer look down on people. I want to understand what went on in his head when he reflected back on the shoe shiner and what changed him. It might be quite simple, as the shoe shiner gave him an explanation as to why his position is just as important as the CEOs, but I don't feel that change within the CEO. I hope that makes sense.
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Old 01-17-2014, 05:17 PM
 
933 posts, read 1,347,768 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by drunkwithwords View Post
My only question: why did the CEO come back, and why will he no longer look down on people? Is this the first instance that he has experienced a "commoner" talking back to him, or does he feel a close connection to the shoe shiner?

I think we understand that this person isn't very "good." He gets what he wants, because he works in a position of power and after years of getting what he wants, it's a common expectation for him. That can be easily understood, therefore, I didn't feel the need for him to explain how important he was. What makes me curious is why he suddenly decided to no longer look down on people. I want to understand what went on in his head when he reflected back on the shoe shiner and what changed him. It might be quite simple, as the shoe shiner gave him an explanation as to why his position is just as important as the CEOs, but I don't feel that change within the CEO. I hope that makes sense.
To answer the question posed in your first paragraph: I think it is a little of both. The CEO had gone so long without anyone challenging authority, and it was a little bit of a shock. But, I think he goes home and starts to feel an admiration for the shoe shiner, which is definitely a major reason why he decides to go back and make the decision that would change his life.

I guess when I do this type of writing, I like to leave it a bit open for interpretation. I like to sort of lay the basis for the story, say what happened, but then sort of let the reader sort of imagine, given what happened, what would be going through the CEO's mind. And I realize it sort of ended abruptly, and I did intentionally do that. But, I definitely understand your criticism, as I know that not everyone really enjoys that style.
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Old 01-17-2014, 05:27 PM
 
537 posts, read 1,117,786 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by David910 View Post
To answer the question posed in your first paragraph: I think it is a little of both. The CEO had gone so long without anyone challenging authority, and it was a little bit of a shock. But, I think he goes home and starts to feel an admiration for the shoe shiner, which is definitely a major reason why he decides to go back and make the decision that would change his life.

I guess when I do this type of writing, I like to leave it a bit open for interpretation. I like to sort of lay the basis for the story, say what happened, but then sort of let the reader sort of imagine, given what happened, what would be going through the CEO's mind. And I realize it sort of ended abruptly, and I did intentionally do that. But, I definitely understand your criticism, as I know that not everyone really enjoys that style.
Please don't think of my reply as a criticism. I really like talking to people about their writing (or writing in general) and wondered what your thoughts were about your work.
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Old 01-17-2014, 05:41 PM
 
933 posts, read 1,347,768 times
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Originally Posted by drunkwithwords View Post
Please don't think of my reply as a criticism. I really like talking to people about their writing (or writing in general) and wondered what your thoughts were about your work.
Oh no, I didn't take it as criticism at all! I really appreciate you reading my work! I was just saying that the way I did that was a way I like to write, but I definitely understand that not everyone likes this form of writing. We all have different tastes.
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