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Old 02-15-2016, 09:07 PM
 
420 posts, read 702,736 times
Reputation: 753

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I was just wondering, how 3rd person omniscient should be approached. I am reading a friend's story, and he is writing in 3rd person Omni. He does this a lot:

Rising tall, brown, wooden... A wall?

Her eyes blinked, had she been asleep?

A noise, a step... what could it be?

In the examples it is the narrator speaking, and the questions are not the character's thoughts, it is the narrator.

This writing style annoys me. I don't want to stifle him, but I just don't think it flows well, plus it makes me feel like the narrator doesn't know what is going on. He says sometimes I am too subjective. Am I being too picky on this, or is this something that others would discourage as well?

Thank you in advance.
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Old 02-16-2016, 08:34 AM
 
Location: Type 0.73 Kardashev
11,110 posts, read 9,770,079 times
Reputation: 40161
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pansori View Post
I was just wondering, how 3rd person omniscient should be approached. I am reading a friend's story, and he is writing in 3rd person Omni. He does this a lot:

Rising tall, brown, wooden... A wall?

Her eyes blinked, had she been asleep?

A noise, a step... what could it be?

In the examples it is the narrator speaking, and the questions are not the character's thoughts, it is the narrator.

This writing style annoys me. I don't want to stifle him, but I just don't think it flows well, plus it makes me feel like the narrator doesn't know what is going on. He says sometimes I am too subjective. Am I being too picky on this, or is this something that others would discourage as well?

Thank you in advance.
These questions should be implied in the writing, not explicitly asked.

There are exceptions, of course. A stream-of-consciousness narrative might use them abundantly and appropriately. Occasional usage might be appropriate to limited, specific situations. But generally, they need to be avoided.
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Old 02-16-2016, 09:08 AM
 
420 posts, read 702,736 times
Reputation: 753
Thank you for your response! That is what I thought, but when I googled it I couldn't find anything that specifically addressed the issue. I had asked my husband, and he said maybe it could possibly work, but it is one of those things that has to be done just right.

This is my friend's first story, and I feel like he is tackling some very difficult writing styles for a first time writer (a VERY large cast, third person omniscient, etc etc.). He has over explained quite a bit, and it has made his story very long in the end.

I can give him my opinion with more confidence now.
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Old 02-16-2016, 04:52 PM
 
Location: North Idaho
32,565 posts, read 47,729,085 times
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Sounds a lot to me like someone without a lot of confidence in their writing trying to pretend to be literary.

All I can say about it is that it had better be a darn good story to hold the reader's interest through the pretension. Reader's will forgive a lot of writing flaws if the story is good enough, holds interest, and has some creativity. Readers won't stick with the writer if the story is dull and the writing not skillful.

I am not quite sure how you present that to your friend, except maybe to encourage him to use more active voice. Good strong verbs and active voice can propel the story forward, and apparently he could use some of that. The younger generations are accustomed to fast moving action, video games, movies chock full of explosions. If you want them to read, the pace must be lively.
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Old 02-16-2016, 05:16 PM
 
420 posts, read 702,736 times
Reputation: 753
Thank you, Oregon. If his issue is anything I would say it is his over confidence. In the notes I sent him last night I suggested that he either turn those parts into the character's thoughts or omit them completely. He responded this morning with this text:

Quote:
I'm not gonna say I'm right or you're wrong, lol, but I think it's a style/preference difference and I couldn't give an example of other writing because hell if I know, but when I'm writing what *main character* is doing, feeling etc (or anyone for that matter) and its a part where you comment that the narrator shouldn't be asking or whatever or this should be her thought... that's how it's supposed to be. When the paragraph is internal I don't feel it as a narrator, I feel it as the character.
No, I didn't quite understand what he was trying to convey in that message, other than he greatly disagreed with my assessment that the narrator should not be asking questions. I responded with basically what was told to me on this forum:

Quote:
I really think this is a technical issue. I would suggest you ask on a forum for this one. The narrator needs to be strong, sure, reliable, indifferent. When he asks a question it makes it seem like the narrator doesn't know what he is talking about. At best, it should be implied, but not an explicit question. Maybe if it was SoC writing, but this is not the case.
After that he said "if you haven't noticed I do what I want, not what is common".

I do think his story is engaging, and definitely fast paced. He said he purposely wrote it that way (and yes, he is a gamer). I have several issues with the writing, one of which is the narrator. The narrator often becomes overly engaged and emotional in the story telling, where sometimes it feels more like the character is doing the narrating, rather than a silent observer. I would go so far as to say the narrator has his own personality, which is similar to the main character's.

Oh well, I dunno. I am enjoying being his beta reader, and providing constructive criticism, but I often feel he brushes off my advice as being subjective.

Last edited by Pansori; 02-16-2016 at 05:36 PM..
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