Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
In times like these I recall one of my favorite books, the Fake Hemingway contest. Feel free to add, your own masterpiece, or a copy from somebody else. This one is mine. Please be kind with the critique.
Top shelf booze
The girl couldn't open the door. The sidewalk in front of Harry's Bar and Grill in Matamoros is tile, and gets slippery in the rain. When she pushed against the door her legs gave out and she went down. From where I sat I could see her panties.
"Bartender," I said, "let me have the Fancy Vinorelly".
The bartender is an old man. He lost an eye in the war and they sent him a plastic replacement from Amazon Prime. From where I sat, I could tell the good eye from the bad, up to four drinks. After the fifth I can't be sure, but it doesn't matter. They aren't my eyes, that's for sure.
"We are all out," said the bartender. "You drank the last five, Senor. All we have left is the Primo Possumberry. Top shelf booze. That's what it is. "
"I hope is good," I said. "I take one, please".
"It's the same booze, but nicer bottle. Fortynineninefifty".
I gave her the fiftythousand note and told him to keep the change.
"Thank you, Senor," said the bartender. "You really are one of those really big spenders."
"If you say so," I said. "No one said that before".
"I wonder why" replied the bartender.
I drank the Possumberry and told him, "That girl can't open the door. She has panties. That is a good sign, don't you agree? We should help her come in."
"It's the rain, Senor," said the bartender. "The door swells up from the humidity."
"I had no problem with it," I said.
"You came yesterday, Senor, when it was nice and sunny. We got a big rain today."
"If you say so," I said. "What day is it?"
The bartender said, "Tuesday, May 11, 2013."
"I knew that," I told him. "May 13, 2011. It's on the calendar in the boy's room, over that nice leather couch you keep there."
"That's not the boy's room, Senor," said the bartender.
"If you say so. Whatever."
I had another Possumberry then we went to open the door. We had to push it hard and the girl went down again.
"Nice to see you, Mirabella", said the bartender. "Please come in whenever you ready".
"My name is Mirabella," the girl said.
"I am Jorge", I told her.
"No, Senor, no" said the bartender, "my name is Jorge, and you are Ernest. It's on the Mastercard."
"If you say so," I said. "Sit here, Mirabella, these are very comfortable chairs. I tried them all."
I asked her if she'd like to have a drink. She wanted the Vinorelly. In Matamoros, the finest ladies all loved the Vinorelly, but I beat them to it. I am an early riser, that's why. Ernest can tell you, for sure.
"We are all out," the bartender told her. We have some Primo Possumberry. Top shelf booze."
We drank a few. The bartender made two taco burritos in the microwave. The big ones.
The girl with the black panties said, "You and I could become soul mates. We like the same wine and sit at the same table. We must be soulmates."
"If you say so," I told her.
"There is a church on the other side of the road. If you'd like to get married. We could get married and have babies."
"I love babies," I told her. "Babies are great. Too bad we can't open the door."
"Well," the bartender said, "you can always use the back door."
Mirabella said, "I'm a nice girl. I don't do that kind of things."
"Sure", said the bartender. "I always knew Ramirez was lying."
We sat around and drank the Possumberry and waited for the sun so we can leave by the front door. Matamoros is nice. It is a nice, well lighted, clean place, and Harry's Bar and Grill is the best.
My name is Jorge. Ernest said it's on the Mastercard.
Last edited by mgforshort; 05-08-2020 at 07:02 PM..
I had to read a few of his stories in gradeschool. I lost all respect when he put a twig up against a majestic redwood so the dog would pee on it.
Oops.
That was Steinbeck's Travels with Charlie. Sorry, Papa.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
