Retirement Accounts- Not Marriage- Friendly!

I don't understand why these IRA's all nix a person's spouse out of the equation. My husband & I have been together many years and I'm an at- home mom. We are old-school marrieds and believe in joint everything. We would never think of choosing a retirement that didn't fully provide for the other, no matter who worked outside the home. The in-home- working spouse is just as important to the household, and the well-being and productivity of the employee. My husband is the bread-winner, but he prefers me to manage the finances and household. I feel that IRA's make banking for couples difficult, having to ask yor spouse to give you $$ all the time. What if your spouse becomes incapacitated, and can't communicate?? How do you get the $$ to take care of them? Why should someone you love & trust, and LIVE WITH, and expect to take care of you in sickness and old age, have to run around and get a power-of-attorney? IRA's and the like, almost speak to an air of distrust toward your spouse. Why get married? The IRS needs to change the law regarding having joint retirement accounts. Why is it their business anyway? As long as they get their tax $$, I don't see why they care if one spouse WANTS to take care of the other. Luckily, our retirement comes thru a traditional pension into our bank account, but I feel for those with IRA's & 401K's, --they aren't geared for married couples, to work together as a family.