Relationships: Actually feeling down for the first time in a long time.

Mind you, I'm not complaining here. I'm just releasing my thoughts and feelings.

I feel I may have made a mistake a decade ago. After being burnt by the only girl who's ever captured my heart and failed attempts to date the next year or so afterwards, I decided to stop trying and just let life flow. I had no issues at all with my single life. I figured I'm not going to worry about it. If something truly worthwhile came along, I may go for it.

Well, a decade later, I am still living my single life. I still love it, but lately, there has been a pin-hole in the emotional fabric of my being. With each passing day, it gets a little bigger, a little bigger.

So go out and find a woman, duh!

Well, it's not as easy as you think. During my single life, I've lost a lot of friends, almost all female friends and have been rather "detached" from society. I live a really, really simple life. I spend a lot of time reading random things on astronomy/cosmology/automobiles/etc, watching television like the History/Discovery channels, TLC, etc, movies, playing my bass guitar or playing video games. Every now and then I will spend time with my family or the very few friends I have left. I also work strange hours, 1p through 9p+ with Sundays and Thursdays off.

I am highly introverted, very shy and just a generally quiet person. I find it extremely hard to change any of these aspects about myself. I rarely ever go out, as I'd be by myself almost all of the time. I don't like being out in large social groups, especially all by myself. That and there's not a whole lot to do after 10p during the week.

So where does that leave me? Very detached from women, too shy to approach them, too quiet to keep their interest (even though I do try) and a lack of knowledge of "what to do" and "where to go" due to my lack of outgoing activities. Tack onto this the fact that I don't take physical affection lightly, although I absolutely LOVE showing affection physically towards someone that I know who will be receptive. Therefore women apparently think I am not interested in them and you know where that lands me.

Before you call me a "wuss", realize that I am just as "manly" as the next guy. I am very competitive, love my sports, love the female body and other such manly things. I am also in-tune with my feminine side. If I'm in a relationship with you, I will do everything in my power to never hurt you. I will never lie to you. I will always try to be thoughtful of your feelings. I will be there whenever you need me. You can think of that as a sign of desperation, that I would do anything a woman wanted just for her love. That is incorrect. These are things that I want to do, not because I have to, because I want to.

You know, I've come to the conclusion that these are things most women do not want. Even though women say they want a man who carry those traits. I believe women want a guy who will plant a kiss on them after the first date, regardless if they want them to or not. Someone who will frustrate them from being hard-headed, go out with the guys even when you're feeling low and need comforting. Someone who after the third date, will try to rip your pants off. I've done so much reading about relationships and with my own experiences, this is just what I believe now. I cannot be this man.

So, taking all of this into account. More and more, every day, I am feeling as if I may be single my entire life, even though I have so much love to give. I truly feel that there are thousands of unlucky women out there that would be perfect for me, but will never get the chance of receiving my love due to my own limitations.

Yes, it brings me down a little, then further when I realize that I brought this all onto myself. I blame no one for my problems. I don't blame women for rejecting me. Before they really allow me to open up, they've moved on. This is my own fault. Unfortunately, I cannot solve this problem myself. I have tried, hard, but apparently I cannot overcome my own faults. What I do blame, a tiny bit, is society. Nowadays, it is so easy to find people that nobody cares to "work" on a relationship. They either want it to be perfect, or quit and find one that is. In the past, you had a much more limited selection of people for relationships. Yet, they found them and made it work. Relationships won't just magically start out and always be perfect. It's not so hard to accept somebody's faults; everybody has them. This does not mean you should be with someone you don't like, that's just silly. But, at least give people a legitimate chance before you call it quits.

Before you call me Negative Nancy, I do know that I have many great qualities and I do love and respect myself overall. I think I am a fantastic catch, despite my faults. I'm very loyal, honest, faithful and understanding. I'm reasonably intelligent and have a good amount of common sense. I am quite handy. I'm also a very quick learner (which confuses me a little about my situation). I'm a very friendly person, even if I'm not outgoing. I come from a good family, have very strong morals and stand by them. I'm considerate and try to make people as comfortable as possible, even at my own expense. I rarely ever take anything personally, so joking around with me is quite easy. I can be funny at times. I am very responsible and good with money. I make a modest wage, yet own my home, have two cars (both paid for and running well) and a fair amount of luxuries. I am very hard-working. I've always moved up everywhere I have worked. I also think that I am not a bad looking guy. I am just slightly overweight, but it's easy for me to lose weight and I have been working to lose the love handles I've carried since I was eleven. Other than that, I am perfectly healthy.

So, as you can see, I know plenty about myself. I just can't find a way to find that certain special someone. I don't know why I have so much trouble approaching women. I've been through rejection. Sure, it's hard, but I've handled far worse. I cannot figure it out. I've had to rely on friends and family "hooking me up" for dates.

I'm debating a psychiatrist. Although I'd like to figure it out on my own.

All I know is, at this very moment, I am not very happy. Of course, this will change when I wake up in the morning.

Yes, I know there is the internet. I am actually talking to a girl I met on OKCupid who we both seem to share interest in each other. She's also extremely shy and is into a lot of things that I am. She's a total sweetheart. She has no relationship experience at all, even though that is no issue to me whatsoever. The issue however, is that she is over five hundred miles away. On the site, I have not found anyone like her in my area (and that's in a metro of over 2.3 million people).

If you'd like to share your truthful opinion, chime in with words of wisdom or your own similar story; please, by all means comment or message me. If you think I'm a total loser, let me know that too. I can take it.


EDIT (9/12): I'm now with a fantastic lady (in my area) that I met on OKCupid. Five months and we're still very much infatuated with each other just as much as day one.

EDIT AGAIN (2/15): I've now been married to her for 1.5 years and we're very much still two lovebirds singing our songs together.