Saturday February 4, 2012.........

I have found myself not feeling very good all week this past week which means I have spent a lot of time on the computer. Specifically I have spent a lot of time here on City-Data.com.

Wow, some of the questions I have seen on the forums and some of the answers I have left and others have left. I admit some of the answers were a bit snarky for me which shows me that I spent way too much time here, I can be quite jaded when it comes to some topics and I have become quite weary with the lack of common sense and respect humans have for one another.

It perhaps shows my age as well which is fine with me. I am 51 years old chronologically however, I have never been very tolerant of what I consider "stupid" behavior when it comes to relationships.

A few examples are: "My boyfriend/husband has been looking for girls on craigslist, should I divorce him" or "I had one date with a guy and told him no sex until we are exclusive and I don't want him talking to his ex-girlfriends" or "my husbands parents and sisters treat him like he does not exist and continue to hurt his feelings and leave him out of family functions, should we continue to be social with them".

Cripes people use your brains, read the questions you posted and figure it out, it is not rocket science. If the one you are in a marriage or relationship with is looking on craigslist for dates YES you should divorce them or get out of the relationship, especially if you have only been married one month.

NO you should not text the guy you had one date with numerous times. Maybe text him and tell him you had a good time and would like to see him again and leave it at that. If he contacts you great, if not he is not interested.

NO you should not continue to go to family functions when you know from past situations that your husband is going to be hurt yet again by his family and fall into a state of depression. You cannot choose your family but you can choose to not continue to be abused or neglected by them.

There are so many issues brought to these forums that should in my opinion never be brought to these forums yet they are. What appears to me to have an obvious answer is somehow not seen by those who post these questions and issues. Common sense seems to have been replaced by desperation and the need to have others "fix" your problems for you.

How do you think you grow up, mature and learn to deal with real life if you don't fix things yourself. Figure out what YOU want to do with YOUR life and strive to accomplish those goals. Learn how to see clearly and without the emotional attachment that all humans do not have YOUR best interest in mind; they are ONLY around to get something from you. Be it money, the ability to abuse you verbally or physically, the free ride because you enable them to continue to lay around on the couch and do nothing and you do everything for them.

Then there are the financial questions and again I am still surprised at some of the advice given regarding money, debt and how to continue to use money and go into debt.

It is not 'normal' to live paycheck to paycheck without savings, with a big mortgage with a gazillion dollars in credit card debt, student loan debt and a payment on a vehicle that is worth less than what you still owe on the loan.

Sneakers and I are NOT debt free however, we have been working toward becoming debt free for a while. We were in financial difficulty when we got together and we both knew the extent of said financial difficulty but we both have strived to become debt free. It has been a long road to travel and has not been easy but we are almost to the end of the debt filled chapter of our lives.

We look forward to the day that we are completely debt free which should be somewhere between the end of 2012 and no later than March, 2013. We have savings, we are about to pay off our last credit card and open a Money Market Account which will be our first investment. It is a good feeling knowing that Tuesday we will have no more credit card debt. We did not have that much comparatively but it was still debt and still money that was spent before we had it in our hands.

After Tuesday we have one debt that is $5,600.00, another debt that is $8,000.00 and another that is roughly $63,000.00.

I know that looks like a lot of debt on paper and it is a lot and without going into detail on how the debt became so high, suffice to say bad planning, stupidity and former relationships are quite expensive.

I guess the point is there are several points today. One is to try and fix your own life and change the things you do not like about how your life is going. Do not count on others, especially strangers on a forum to fix things for you.

Be mindful of how and where you spend your money. Make a budget, make a plan and save for the future, save to pay cash for everything and quit living paycheck to paycheck. Become debt free so you do not have any worries about the big banks taking your home from you when you lose a job or your spouse dies and you have no life insurance. Make a will, get power of attorney with your spouse, have life insurance that is adequate, find a good, honest financial planner and attorney to help you accomplish these things and explain clearly about the things you don't understand.

Do what you need to do to make yourself happy, to love yourself, to depend on yourself.

You cannot possibly accomplish anything in your life IF you count on others to do it for you.

Grow up, mature, learn from your experiences, strive to be the best you can be to yourself then you can be the best you can be to others..............