This blog is an open detailing of my recovery from an intense emotional affair. It has been said that in order to recover from an affair, whether physical or not, one must not be afraid to write down feelings. By being open with my feelings and not hiding them anymore, I am making a effort to hold myself accountable for my affair. This is an ongoing recovery and I have no clue how it will play out. But I need to share, to process what I've done, and to learn how to forgive myself.
Made A Fool of Myself
So I've completely embarrassed myself and acted like a fool last night over OG. I messaged him that we needed to talk. A couple hours later, after midnight, he messaged back "when?"
I didn't respond until I think close to 3 am. I was tossing and turning all night. I felt so stupid for contacting OG when I had no clue what I wanted to say to him. I'm afraid he is going to get annoyed with me if he isn't already and just stop talking to me altogether. I messaged him back I didn't know what to say, and I was acting stupid and I know he has no obligation to talk to me or care about my feelings at all.
I did message him this morning asking him if he had anything to say about my last message to him that he never responded to or about anything I've said the last few days. I'm still desperately clinging to the hope that he does care and is willing to make an effort to show me he does. But I'm sure that is so utterly ridiculous of me to expect anything.
I didn't respond until I think close to 3 am. I was tossing and turning all night. I felt so stupid for contacting OG when I had no clue what I wanted to say to him. I'm afraid he is going to get annoyed with me if he isn't already and just stop talking to me altogether. I messaged him back I didn't know what to say, and I was acting stupid and I know he has no obligation to talk to me or care about my feelings at all.
I did message him this morning asking him if he had anything to say about my last message to him that he never responded to or about anything I've said the last few days. I'm still desperately clinging to the hope that he does care and is willing to make an effort to show me he does. But I'm sure that is so utterly ridiculous of me to expect anything.
Total Comments 6
Comments
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I still believe your best bet is a clean break with no contact. You're clinging to him because he is filling a space you have carved out for him - a space you don't believe your hubby can satisfy.
I appreciate your dilemma, but believe your time would be better spent working on your marriage and not a relationship that can end in nothing but heartbreak and despair for you, hubby, OG, his wife and all of your kids.
I'm on your side, but would be remiss if I didn't offer a counter opinion.Posted 10-23-2015 at 01:11 PM by reds37win
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Yea. I know.Quote:Originally Posted by reds37win
I still believe your best bet is a clean break with no contact. You're clinging to him because he is filling a space you have carved out for him - a space you don't believe your hubby can satisfy.
I appreciate your dilemma, but believe your time would be better spent working on your marriage and not a relationship that can end in nothing but heartbreak and despair for you, hubby, OG, his wife and all of your kids.
I'm on your side, but would be remiss if I didn't offer a counter opinion.
Posted 10-24-2015 at 08:35 PM by April R 
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It took a long time before I began liking myself. The first steps I have learned is how to forgive others and then forgive myself. I have thought of all the good things I am and stand for. Each day I would tell myself a different and positive accomplishment.
Bottom line? I am worth it. So are you.
I hope this gives you food for thought.Posted 11-09-2015 at 05:57 AM by vakitten
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Thanks. It doesQuote:Originally Posted by vakitten
It took a long time before I began liking myself. The first steps I have learned is how to forgive others and then forgive myself. I have thought of all the good things I am and stand for. Each day I would tell myself a different and positive accomplishment.
Bottom line? I am worth it. So are you.
I hope this gives you food for thought.Posted 11-09-2015 at 01:31 PM by April R
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I messaged my ex almost every day for weeks with no reply. I know the feeling of embarrassment and just feeling like you're so dumb.Posted 11-09-2015 at 02:00 PM by Kamilla
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I wonder why we cling to the ones who hurt us so much? Maybe it's an ego thing, maybe we try to make them care for us but have to realize they only care about themselves and the way they used us actually has nothing to do with our worth. I know I'm pretty darn special. I'm smart, accomplished, pretty......why I let OG use me I won't ever know. But he messed up big time. I'm a pretty great person to have around.Quote:Originally Posted by Kamilla
I messaged my ex almost every day for weeks with no reply. I know the feeling of embarrassment and just feeling like you're so dumb.Posted 11-09-2015 at 04:49 PM by April R
